I guess I feel OK today but then I suppose I should, I'm not the one whose dead. I'm not going to go into the whole Mikey thing too much. He was like my brother, one of our best friends and I had known him from the time I was 12. He was an amazing person, a true friend and some worthless piece of shit threw him in the street like trash and left him to die. Nuff said.
Anyway, I didn't get fucked up last night, though if I had been in possession of some H, I probably would have. I just sat with Casey and we watched seasons 2 and 3 of It's always sunny in Philadelphia. We slumped in front of the TV and pretended to watch, each of us locked in our own memories of days gone by.
Wow, I am so fucking poetic....or is it pathetic ? I forget. Whatever, time to move on.
I found out that my girl Lora is living in crackhead squalor with this guy Fester. They are currently shacked up at a motel and trying to sell chiva while smoking mass amounts of rock. I don't know how long that's gonna last, that place was burned out when I left it a couple years back, the cops were all over us.
Lora is a super cunt most of the time and one of my bestest friends ever, some people think that being an addict turned her into an asshole but they would be wrong. She was always an asshole. I love that girl so much. I have alot of friends but only a few close girl-friends, me and Lora got along from the beginning and even if we occasionally scrap and talk shit, it only lasts a few days. She is a down broad, I've seen her take on guys twice her size. No one would ever think that such a little girl could be so mean.
I met Fester when he showed up at our place wanting to cop. Jody had found him at the bus station downtown, sick and desperate. He had just rolled in from San Fran and had been sick for two days. Being my accommodating self I took pity on him and hooked him up, I can't stand letting people go sick if I can do anything about it. Even if he had been broke I would at least have got him well. Anyway, he was a squatter from 'Frisco and he ended up moving into the same house as us. It was actually Kristen's house, she had gotten hit by a truck a few years before and got a settlement. Another story for another time.
Kristen wasn't a junky, ironically enough she HATED heroin. Why the fuck she let us live in her house and sell it is a mystery. She decided that Fester was her dream man (I don't know how she could see past the smell) and moved him in. He turned out to be a really cool guy. He was the same age as we were and he never took advantage of the fact that it was his girls house. Some guys would have tried to use that as leverage to get free dope but not him.
So now I hear that he and Lora are together and it makes me a little sad, mostly because I know that Lora loves Jerry. They are just like me and Casey, irrevocably bound by some freak of chance. I know how miserable she is without him and I talk to Jerry and he misses her as well. It's sad. Look at me getting all emotional and shit.
I'm sure you-all enjoyed that lovely back story but I'll get to the point (like I ever have one).
Lora is a volatile bitch and I don't see things turning out well. Fester may be a calming influence (he's really mellow) but I know her and eventually that is just gonna piss her off. Plus they have no self-control. That's pretty fucked up when I say that about someone.
Selling smack is NOT easy especially when you're hooked on it. You have to think about tomorrow not just today. I have been in situations where I had dope but had to go sick in order to make sure I had my re-up $$$. Being sick is a motherfucker but being sick and having to sell bags you can't touch will test you. Lora will not go sick, I know this. She will tear at Fester until he gives her what she wants and worry about the consequences later.
This is starting to sound alot like me! Lora and I have a lot in common but I would NEVER spend more on crack in 4 hours than I spent on H in 2 days. Fuck a BUNCH of supporting a double habit, like one addiction isn't work enough. I would also never fuck off my re-cop money. If there's one thing I was ever good at it was sligin dope. HAHA a mothafuckin prodigy, maybe me and Rainman have something in common.
Damn I worry about that girl, I hope she does alright but I am pissed at Josh and Eddie for playing ignorant and not telling me what was up with her. I would have wanted to help her out, give her some money or something. I guess I still could. I'll look 'em up in December if they haven't been popped by then. I hope not, Fester just did a stretch in Corcoran and Lora doesn't do well in confined spaces.
I always feel like shit wouldn't be so bad if I was there to take care of things. I sometimes think that if I had been present, certain things wouldn't have turned out the way they did. Certain people would still be here.
I give myself alot of credit I guess. I can't be everywhere at once, HAHA super-fiend. Whatever, I may be amazing but I'm not that amazing. XOXO, Melody
