Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Richie Chronicles Continue: I Am Brought Low by a Traitorous Door

Me being...difficult.
Personally I think I look tired and slightly amused but according to everyone else who was present I was showing definite signs of bitchiness. Can you blame me?
I had spent the last hour applying way too much makeup, watching the boys play with my pics and marveling at the speed with which Rainman was trucking in and out of the house. Poor R-man was wired beyond all comprehension, well and truly spegakked! He'd been gibbering some nonsense at me but in his condition I was only able to catch the gist of what he was trying so desperately to communicate. Maniac was too wrapped up in his project to translate so the most I could fathom was that R-man thought my being there with Richie was a bad idea. Hmmm, wonder how he came to that conclusion?
Richie on the other hand had done his damnedest to make sure I KNEW being there was a mistake. He followed me every time I left the room, cornering me every chance he got. Had it not been for Maniac, all would have been lost and believe me, I feel stupid as fuck even saying that. If someone had told me that I'd be relying on that goober to keep me outta trouble, I'd a called em a liar.
But as enchanted as M was with his new software, he made sure to tear himself away anytime I went MIA for more than 10 minutes...God bless him! My hero, the cholo. He didn't have to bother coming up with lame excuses either, he simply said, "Uh-uh, uh-uuuuuuuuh!" whenever he caught Richie trying to maul me. And me close to letting him heh.
I s'pose maul is a strong word but accurate nonetheless. He's still in command of those fast hands I remembered so well and had no qualms in using them. Christ, those hands! Ummm...yeah.
So I was fighting the good fight, doing my best to keep from giving in but at the same time trying to talk myself into something that I knew would end badly. No amount of self delusion would make banging Richie an acceptable delightful as it sounded. I needed to stay strong and get the fuck outta there as soon as humanly possible!
I had thus far resisted the urge to inject myself with speed(tho clouds of it floated through the room at will, making me gakked by association). Me+speed+needles= zero common sense! Divide by Richie and it =maybe just this once. Not a good plan! Just this once would inevitably turn into me waking up the next night in one of Rainman's spare rooms, deliciously bruised, sullied and no doubt searching for my drawers! All the while trying to mentally edit the whole thing into something that would be remotely acceptable to my beloved Casey without being an out and out lie. Ugh! Who have I turned into??!!
*sigh* Being good blows! I have no frame of reference for doing the right thing. I know right from wrong, it's not like I'm a simpleton, mainly I just don't care. I'm used to doing as I please in these (and all) situations and the excuse that R is practically a child was starting to seem like less of an obstacle. He's technically legal and that's what matters...right? Right!
Godamn it! No, not right! Wrong! Verrrrrry wrong! So wrong that as is typical with me, it began to take on an extremely attractive, glowy kind of aura. The kind of thing that is nearly impossible for me to resist, everyone knows that when faced with two paths, I will invariably choose the worst one, sometimes (most times) on purpose. It's part of my charm.
Feeling that I would soon disgrace myself with a man-child who was far too enticing for his and my own good, I did the only thing I could. I ran.
Out from under Richie's arms, into the living room, past the burbling meth savant, swooping in to snatch Maniac off his chair and sweeping us both into the most secure room in the place, Rainman's sleeping quarters.
Ignoring the, "Crazy Puta" muttered by my reluctant cholo sidekick, I locked the bolts,hooked the chains and stuck the raid rods in the floor. Maybe a little extreme but I felt tons better after it was done.
Maniac shook his head in disgust and asked, "Now what? Did you forget you're driving him to Colorado in the morning, pendeja?"
FUCK! I had promised to take Richie to wherever the fuck Adams County is. I probly would have given this problem much more consideration if at that moment Rainman hadn't been rattling the doorknob and chittering like a spider monkey. I shoved Maniac in the direction of the door, strolled calmly to the bathroom...and proceeded to barricade myself in with the pile of boxes/junk on the floor next to the sink.
I wasn't really able to make out what was being said in the other room and a few minutes later I heard the door shut and the locks turn. I was still stacking crap when someone said, "You know this door doesn't lock, right? And it uh...opens out haha." Richie swung the door open a stood there looking adorable and smug.
I took a deep breath...and started laughing, "I give up! You are seriously a pain in my ass! Christ, you make me insane!"
"With lust?" he asked, smirking.
"Fuck off!"
"I'd rather Fu..."
"Don't! That is so not gonna happen!" I shimmied around the mess on my side of the door and brushed past him, deciding I'd had enough of acting like a lame ass girl.
I grabbed him by the back of his pants and pulled him over to Rainman's bed. Pushing him down on it I proceeded to climb him like a jungle gym! Haha, just fucking with ya. I didn't climb shit, more's the pity.
I sat down next to him, punched him in the gut when he tried to grope me and lit one of Rainman's nasty More cigarettes....

I'll finish this up next week, I've given you enough to snicker at for one day haha. I was pretty retarded tho, huh? Also part of my charm :P If a person can't laugh at their own ridiculous antics, he/she is waaaay too uptight!
Enjoy the Gary Glitter on default, I thought it was appropriate considering the pedophile-ish undertones of my post.
Catch y'all later,
~Melody Lee

Friday, January 15, 2010

Mix Cd's are the devil!

Me (and my tits) in all my soft focus glory, courtesy of Richie and Maniac

So as you can see by the pic, I spent more than just the drive to Rainman's with Richie but more on that later.
When we left the house I had informed Casey that I had been pressed into service as a chauffeur and got a drunken smirk for my trouble. Figuring that I would sort it all out later, I herded Richie out the door before my beloved boyfriend decided wringing R's neck was worth the trouble after all. Rich may have just stepped off the weight pile but Casey has it all over him as far as psycho goes. Not to mention bulk, I mean look at the size of his (Casey's) arms, he looks like freakin' Popeye for fuck sake! Way hotter tho heh!
Anyway, we got into my vehicle and I started us on the drive to Rainman's tweeker compound letting Richie play the mix he burned earlier at my place. I was lost in thought when I started to notice a disturbing theme. At first I did little more than roll my eyes and chain smoke when he sang along to various "mushy" songs by the Ramones. I thought I showed amazing restraint as I sat through I want you around and I wanna be your boyfriend. That was before he moved on the the Murder City Devils and Depeche Mode. Having Richie staring at me, earnestly singing about not going down on his knees begging me to adore was clearly some insidious form of reverse psychology!
I did a remarkable job of not pulling to the side of the road, snapping the offending CD into pieces and climbing out of my panties. Had it been anyone else singing to me like a tard, I would have laughed them out of the truck but it was Richie. He can do pretty much anything without compromising his hotness, cheesy sing alongs included.
Instead I calmly ejected his mix o' questionable seduction and replaced it with something less...interpretable. Let him try and be adorable to Wayne County, I thought truimphantly! It looked as tho victory was close at hand...but then I witnessed him become immeasurably attractive whilst singing to me about making him cream in his jeans. He could've yodeled like a Swede (Swiss? Whatever!) and it would have been devastating, just because it was him. UGH! I was sooo out of practice when it comes to dealing with barely legal lotharios!
I turned down the music and we had a little talk...

Me: Why do you do this shit? I haven't seen you in soooo long and it's like you never left! You pick up right where you left off. It's fucked up, you know where I stand on all this.

Richie: I though maybe things were different, I heard about what happened over Loco's place with that hype from Phoenix. Plus Loco making comments about you and him hooking up. I Thought maybe...

Me: *grumbling* Fucking Maniac and his big mouth! First of all eeew! Loco? Really? That's what you think of me? Secondly what happened with Adrian was...complicated. caught up in the moment.

R: Yeah, I heard that you did *smirking* that guy must either be a pussy or a fool to let it end the way it did.

M: Hmph! Big man are we? I suppose you would've carried me off like some jailbait caveman and...

R: What is it with you and the age thing? It's not like I'm 12, I'm grown and...

M: AND you lied to me! You told me you were like 19 and come to find out you had just had turned legal. UGH! I was almost a baby snatcher! Do you know how creepy that is? I spent my last year in Bako fending off advances from kids that I could have babysat for in Jr high! The last thing I expected was to have you to deal with as well, you're practically and infant!

R: *laughing* I think it's funny as hell and I wish you would just understand. I only want to know you *looking soulfully in my direction* It's like you only let me see one side and I want to get to know every part of you.

M: Hah, I know what part you're interested in! And it's spoken for!

R: Fuck, like that's a secret...come play with me over at R-man's tonight. Please? It'll just be you and me and maybe Maniac, Rainman is gonna be busy most the night. Like old times, you know you want to...and it'll be the last time we can kick back before I leave.

M: *sigh* gonna work that angle are you? Fine, I'll stay for a bit.

Richie smiled turned the music back up, he lit a smoke and we said nothing else the rest of the way. I already knew what I was letting myself in for and had to wonder at my lack of judgement. Not that I'm a model of restraint or anything but I usually try to keep it in my pants out of consideration for Casey. Crack enhanced make out sessions do not count if they are terminated before any clothing hits the floor...or dirt as the case may be heh.
I was gonna be in for it and sure enough, the moment we walked through the door, I was assaulted by a gakked cholo wielding a digi cam. It would seem that Maniac came up on all sorts of photo stuff and had been experimenting by taking pics of anything that would stand still.
Richie took the camera and started shooting waaaay too many pics of me and my impeccably turned out boobs. Though I knew they looked quite good, I (and my tits) soon grew weary of the attention and put a stop to the photo shoot.
They uploaded the pics and the boys played with the effects on paintshop pro, turning me into a soft focus daguerreotype. I was somewhat pleased by the end result so I decided to post it here.
I hate to do it but there's alot more to tell and it's gonna take more than one post, I will say that I have a few things to be ashamed of...good thing shame isn't in my repertoire. Shameless has it's perks. So does omission *wink* it's definitely in the top ten of favorite sins, omission kicks ass!
Anyway, I'll be back soon to tell all...shut the fuck up, YES I WILL! Haha, I'm gonna be sick for a few days and that usually results in regular posts. It's the nature of the beast.
Kisses and I'll see all y'all motherfuckers soon. Listen to the Angry Samoans while I'm gone, sooo good it almost hurts!
XO Melody Lee

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Return of Richie...and then some. Adrian who?

Casey multi-tasking

I saw my baby Richie recently...totally unexpected! I was sitting on my ass, looking less than presentable, contemplating a long day of phone perversions when there was a knock at the window. Let me make it clear that no one knocks on the window anymore, not since Casey's last blowup. So even though he was at work, it was still unusual. Besides which, answering the door in thi-hi fishnets, boxers and wifebeater was less than ideal. Don't ask, I was having a desperately seeking Susan moment, the less said about that the better.
So I open the door and who do I see standing before me? My sweet Richie, looking super hot and as edible as ever. If anything he looked a bit less like the cute skate punk I remember. Being in lock-up will do that to you, especially to guys, serving time for males is vastly different than it is for females, at least in my experience.
Anyway, his head was shaved and he was *wink* he'd been doing some serious work on the weight pile or something (not sure if weights have been yanked in NM jails)he looked grown up and...uh, anyway, he looked good.
In true Richie style he ignored the fact that I looked like a throwback to an 80's movie and leaned in to give me a hug. Fuck he smelled goooood, familiar and disconcerting, all at the same time. We froze like that for awhile, him with his arms wrapped around me and my hands resting on his back. Don't know how long we would've stayed that way if someone hadn't cleared their throat in a very loud and obnoxious way. I pulled loose and looked around R's now considerable shoulders and saw Eric standing behind him. I ducked under Richie's arm and E swept me into a bear hug. I was less reserved with Eric just because there had never been weirdness between us. He finally let me go when Mr. Muscles grabbed me from behind and pulled me back into him. Signature Richie move and just as effective now as it ever was, uh-huh.
I suggested we go inside before we were spotted by a neighbor who would carry tales to Casey, probly something along the line of," Your old lady was practically banging two thugs on the front porch and she was wearing YOUR underwear!" Somewhat inaccurate but damning just the same.
They followed me into the house and we went into the bedroom heheh, not what you think. I had all kinds of shit going online and I needed to monitor while we talked. I will say that I did not hate seeing Richie sprawled out on my bed. Eric was a bit more circumspect, taking seat in one of the armchairs. Not to say that Eric isn't a cutie too, we just never had that kind of thing going on, thank god! That would be waaaaay too much to deal with!
So did I mention that seeing Richie laying amidst my blankets and pillows was not entirely unpleasant? I did? Well I'm saying it again, he is fucking HOT!
So I found out that the boys were making a brief stop in between reporting to their PO's and getting shipped to some men's home in Colorado (Eric had been out a few days already). The last time this happened I didn't get to see them at all and then they caught a case there, getting sent back to the pokey. So tho I managed to pull off one visit, the fact that I refuse to get a New Mexico DL (it makes my stay here seem way too permanent), kept me from visiting again.Now my boys were here, looking very grown up but still every bit the little fuckers I remembered.
Richie was playing with Fat Mike, rolling himself in my sheets like a big and very dangerous(to me)cat. I should explain to those who don't know that trying to ignore Richie is next to impossible, he's one of those magnetic personalities that you can't help but watch and the fact that he's unbelievably attractive don't hurt either! He's such a little sociopath, I swear to Christ that kid has every available emotion on speedial and fuck can he make it seem sincere. Regina calls me a sociopath on a regular basis but I don't really think I am, I kinda wish I were sometimes, it would make some things alot easier.
Anyway, we sat there and shot the shit for like hours, the boys ooh-ing over the ink I got while they were locked up. Some time later I heard the door and the phone in rapid succession, I answered my cell and got Cameron. He was outside waiting on me, I had totally forgotten that I was expecting C and crew. They were coming over to tie up some loose ends and grab some more percs and no doubt spend a good portion of the day in my living room. I turned to Eric and Rich and said,"Great, this just turned into a gangbang" getting a blank look from one and an interested smile from the other, I think you know who belonged to what. Gangbang indeed!
So I went to go let the others in, conducted some business and they arranged themselves on assorted couches. I went to take a shower and change into something more suitable, declining Richie's offer to join me. I am a good girl! Haha, maybe if I repeat that enough times it'll be true.*wink*
Casey had made it home by the time I was done swathing myself in my security blanket of black eyeliner and was less than pleased to see everyone, especially you know who. He made a snide reference to my "barely legal entourage" and ensconced himself in the bedroom to make love to the 3 40oz-ers he was holding. The pic is one I took of him that night.
So alot of interesting things happened,one of them being the drive taking Richie to Rainman's house. Eric had gotten a lift to his sister's from Cameron after some not so subtle prompting from Rich. So I will write about that next time because as usual my post has gotten beyond long and though too much of me is never a bad thing, enough is enough.
I'll be back, you know I will, I always am and if you miss me too much, listen to me on the voice thingie or look for my lame-o podcasts sometime this week. I could seriously kick my own ass for agreeing to do that shit! It could be interesting if I can get the always hard to pin down Veronica Vicious to make the guest appearance she's been promising...unreliable cuuuunt!
Why does that sound so familiar and strangely comforting? Hmmm, no idea haha.
See y'all soon...probly. Tho every smart kid knows I was born on a green light, it is a very selective light and picks and chooses when and where it will make it's influence known. It's an asshole that way.
~Melody Lee
P.S. No I haven't forgotten Adrian, I just temporarily placed him on the second to top shelf. No reflection on him, he's a sweetie, maybe too much so. I have issues dealing with guys that are too nice but the fact that he's gorgeous makes it sooo much easier to put my issues aside haha. A little bit of shallow every now and then never hurt anyone, promise!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

For your enjoyment, last year's bitching 3 days late.

On closer inspection of my pic^^ I am beginning to think that I should stop wearing clothing 3 sizes too large and stick to something more fitted that doesn't make it look as tho I have 30 fat rolls! Moving on, I'm watching some movie right now called Mondo Hollywood, aside from the somewhat nostalgic feel of it, the main thing that attracted me were the dismal comments left by previous viewers. Something to the effect of "what a waste of skin those hippies were" and "this movie is a flaming pile of crap" so after being subjected to such eloquence, I ask you how was I supposed to keep from watching? It's not so bad, although the 60's aren't really my thing. I think the best thing about the 60's was the music, the killer garage sound that came in waves from all over the's quite simply amazing. I still get caught up in The Sonics and Richard and the Young Lions, The Beau Brummels, all that stuff is insane, simple and raw, practically perfect in every way. If you sat me down and forced me to listen to some of that summer of love folk shit, I might possibly gnaw through my wrists in an attempt to make it stop but not if we were listening to The Pretty Things or the Zachary Thacks. So I'll stop before this turns into my own private NME and turn my attention to other matters. My Little Red Book tho, seriously amazing and don't get me started on Talk Talk (curently on default)
So now I wanna direct attention to my previous post...omg hahahahaha, bonus points to you anon, seriously! After all my whining about this and that, you managed to goad me into just the kind of reaction that I try to avoid, generally because it just enforces your point and weakens mine. Not to say that I didn't make some very valid statements, oh indeed I did, not the least of which being that my choices are just that...MINE! Also forgetting during my Lyrica induced rant (not passing the buck haha, just sayin') that it doesn't matter how far I go to try and make someone understand, if they refuse to get it, there's no point in wasting time on 'em. I can't force my ideas on you any more than you can push yours on me but fuck if it wasn't fun trying.
Now all those things aside, I think my biggest issue with my last post wasn't the fact that I sound like a huge buttplug, I have no problem with that at all. My problem is that I was so immersed in making my point that I totally spaced my complete and utter dislike for the word braggadocios! I think anyone who actually uses that word in a sentence is a total anus, in person or print! Either way it's not a good look, who the fuck talks like that anyway? That word is at the top of my "did you seriously just say/do that?" list, right after bromance, asap (as in A-sap, spelling it is fine), copacetic (no everything is not!) and kabooby (not really a word, more of a flying camel but it weirds me out just the same). Further down the list are women who have decided that being called an actress is somehow demeaning and that they are now ac-tors (bah!) People who own hypo-allergenic pets and guys who when asked what they miss most since they've been locked up say their flat iron! I think that last one sums up everything that is wrong with the world. I may hafta write a scathing satire entitled "A Felon and his Flat iron" to further illustrate my Point! Am I the only one who thinks that is beyond ridiculous? I won't mention names but seriously Aaron (haha, I lied) what am I s'posed to think when you say things like that?
Since I'm on the topic of things I hate, let me throw in people who carry canes as some kind of uber-cool affectation(uber is also on my list of lame ass words( right next to epic) but whatever). Regina can sympathize with me on this one as she personally became the victim of a cane toting gothapotamus in SF. We were walking down Haight, minding our business when I saw Regi make way for an apparently crippled (ginormous) person of indeterminate sex. If pressed I would say it was a woman but there was no time for closer inspection, as at that moment Regi was catapulted halfway into the middle of the street, the victim of an unsolicited ass-attack. It was administered by the largest black-velvet clad posterior I have ever laid eyes on, after which, said gothapotamus flipped the prop cane into it's massive shoulder and skipped away on straining cankles. So although my description is somewhat amusing, my point is this, unless you are Malcolm McDowell circa 1971 and look super hot in white droog wear, don't do it! Put the cane down, you look like a douche!
Oh and please put down your ridiculously large pipe while you're at it! A pipe? Really? Would you like some snuff to go with that President Lincoln? Schmuck! Is there anything that looks more asinine than some idiot driving down the street, a tobacco pipe the size of a small boot clamped between his teeth? Not likely but gimmie a minute and I'm sure I'll think of something!
Next goes people giving their kids stupid fucking names! Zuma Nesta Rock? Speck Wildhorse? Those might get by because having a rock star for a parent buys you alot of slack (tho it really shouldn't) but when some dipshit in Jerkspittle, Arkansas names their kid Puma Alize somethings is seriously fucked up! I'm high more often than not and I can tell you naming your kid after a running shoe and a $4.00 wine isn't a good idea. Pretentious/oblivious names are almost as bad, let me just say that unless your spawn is going to have a Dr. before his name and an S. Thompson after it, you should not be calling him Hunter. Period! Or Farmer or Shepherd, those are occupations, not names. If you have one of these in your family, my condolences, perhaps your relatives are stupid and didn't know any better?
This isn't the 1930's, we aren't fleeing the dust bowl, goddamn it DO NOT name your son Abner! Is it just me? Some moron shows me their progeny and proudly pronounces it "Summer Dawn"(sounds like a brand of douche!) "Space Radio" or "Kermitt" WHAT THE SHIT??? And they think it's soooo fucking unique! What'll be really unique is when he of the stupid name grows up to be the next Ottis Toole. Perhaps if Ottis had been named John (and hadn't had the IQ of a mashed pea) he mightn't have ended up such a fucktard! First name Ottis, last name Toole, that's the kind of situation where nobody wins, even if he was too moronic to realize he had been branded a corn pone dildo from birth, it's still not right and inbred or not, his family shoulda known better!
OK, now I have no idea how I got here but fuck if it wasn't hella fun to bitch about random, basically meaningless shit! I am restored!
So, getting more tattoos for my birthday from my angel love Casey, I'll probly throw up some pics in a couple weeks, whenever it's done. Most likely finish the stars and get the stitches on my wrist, and that shit is gonna feel soooo good! It's gonna cut right across my tendons and over that bone on the outside of the top of my wrist, yummy! Nothing feels quite like jamming a needle into your tendons. Can't wait!
So that's it for now, hope everyone had an amazing holiday and when I come back I will officially be another year older, yay. Happy New Year fuckers.
Kisses, Melody
P.S. Casey's boss told him that I am a soul sucking witch(that's a new one)and that I was draining him of his spirituality. Pffft! When he (the boss) called later that day, I told him he was a bit confused for I am actually a cock-sucking BITCH and tho that might be draining something, I sincerely doubt it's his (Casey's) spirituality! That shut him up proper, meddling Jehovah's Witness busybody! Fuck those people and the cult they rode in on!