Tuesday, June 26, 2012
God. Anyone commenting on posts that has personal knowledge of me is sooooo misinformed if they think they're exposing anything about me that hasn't been public knowledge for ages. Like really.
Strung out and knocked up...yup. Not a huge secret. Same goes for the way I looked before during and after. Social pariah? No shit. Fat? Duh. Hooker? Check. Selling dope? Uh yeah!
So whatever. As for everything else, maybe you were there or maybe you weren't, it's not super important and I'm not the only one who saw the way shit went down. Once? Really...really? If you say so. Christ, Anna...back me up here.
I'm not spilling anything that half the fucking town don't already know, man. I mean honestly. If someone wants me to take shit down, they know where to find me. And that was such a class move pulling AD's covers. I didn't even do that, I called him something else.
As for The whole long suffering 'Saint Casey' bullshit, yeah he's put up with a lot of shit from me. His choice. I also took a lot of crap from him but people like to forget about that. He's not stupid, he knows what's up.
How, you ask? Coz I tell him myself, for the most part. And check it out, I didn't wanna mention it because it sounds skeevy as fuck but he was here for the last icky part of the Adrian/Sammi episode. He saw what happened and thought it was hilarous and kinda pathetic on Ade's part. It wasn't me sucking his dick, so why the hell would he care? Not wasting any more time on this. Just my bi-annual comment check, haha.
That comment on my last post from a pseudo Adrian made my morning though. I can pretty much guarantee that he's not lapping up jack. He's beyond unhappy with me right now. If it was him...which I seriously doubt, even though he does read this dreck, he's taking it a lot better than I've heard. Not really his style, though.
Maniac says that I should be very wary if A invites me to go for a drive in the desert, coz he's definitely losing his shit over this. Um...really? Tell me something I don't know. I've been saying he's gonna put me in the ground for months now, so long drives? Nah, I'm cool.
I guess his nose isn't broken, just...fractured? It's taped or something like that, I haven't seen it but that's what I hear. So I suppose I didn't hit him hard enough. It bruised the fuck outta my hand though.
Now there's this whole situation about someone who's homeboys think he's bullshitting about seeing me. Really? If someone was gonna fictionalize a bitch they were hooking up with, they could do a helluva lot better than me. That's just dumb. I am SO fucking wrecked, tracked up etc, why would you do that? DUMB. So if said homeboys are reading this, YEAH, it's all true.
I'm no Goddamned prize, everyone knows that but he likes me, what can I say? He's an idiot but a pretty damned cute one and to tell y'all I adore him is putting it mildly. He knows it and now you know it...well I hope he knows it. I tell him daily, so he should and that is SO not like me. I'm not the lovey type, shocking, ain't it? But for him...anything. Got that, sweetheart? Anything. I know you occasionally read this mess, so enjoy that.
I also regularly make an asshole out myself posting about it on various sites, much to the delight of Regina and company. Everyone LOVES it when I look retarded. Mmhmm, that's what I'm here for; to look stupid so you feel better about yourselves and to not give a fuck about it one way or the other.
But enough now, this stupid chair is hurting my ass (my BIG FAT ASS) and the dilaudid I did last night has made me twitchy this morning. Did what I always do and cleaned up for a week just to get some H last Friday, take sub for 2 days and then Dillys last night. Pretty much canceled out the clean time and put me back to square one. Yay me. Melody sooooo smart! Hahaha...go fuck yourselves. HARD.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
That that last little thing was kinda ick, huh? Like I said before, not as if I can make those so inclined think less of me any-damn-how.
Fuck. So much happening and not happening...I have no idea where to start. There's something going on with me that I'm just not gonna spill. Yeah, it involves someone(s) around here and that's all you're gonna get. And no, it's not Adrian or Richie. And it's definitely not MK.
A vague picture may emerge about what's going on but the hardcore details will not. Since I'm not being real forthcoming about that, I'll tell you about some other crazy shit that's happened.
It's 1 am, Casey is being a bit of a dick, I'm on the phone talking to _______and Francis keeps calling through.
He needs new points.
*I'll put them in the mailbox.
Can I give him Manny's cell number?
He has me covered if I need it tomorrow.
*Awesome, I'll be sure to call as soon as I wake up, sick as fuck.
So I think that's it for the night and settle in to enjoy what's left of my dope and my phone conversation. Then about 15 minutes later I hear something outside, ignore it and go on about my business, hoping beyond hope that it's not Adrian's GF breaking shit again.
Seconds pass and there's a knock on the door; it's Francis...holding a toddler. It's after midnight, he's on foot and the blonde/blue eyed baby is clearly not one of his.
Francis:" There was some guy trying to get in your ride, so I put him down."
Francis:" There was some fool trying to climb in your ride, so I told him, "Yo homey, step away from home girl's ride. He just kept on, I didn't tell him twice. He's layed out in your driveway."
I looked past him and sure enough, there was a body laying next to the driver's side door. "Um thanks? ...why are you holding that baby, who's is it and were you holding it when you clocked him?"
He looked over his shoulder and said, "Casey working tomorrow? Call me in the morning." then hitched the kiddo higher on his hip and took off in the direction of K's house. Yeah.
Second incident, next night:
I've been blowing up Francis' cell since around 11am. Motherfucker says he's got me, you better believe I'm gonna make sure he comes through on it. He calls around 3pm, shitfaced on H and Xanax. He's on his way to K's and then coming by to hook me up. Mmhmm. As it's taken him approx 10 mins to form 3 sentences, I figure I'll be well...oh sometime around 9 pm. Bully for Xanax.
He surprises me by showing up a full hour ahead of my estimate and proceeds to give me several healthy shots over the next few hours. Gracias, Francis, I never doubted you for a minute.
He's feeling good and launches into a monologue about how he and I 'clicked' from the beginning and that he's closer to me that he'll ever be to Casey. We're like blood etc etc.
Sitting on the kitchen floor in a puddle of my own loadedness, I agree and we go back and forth jerking each other off about Dopefiend pacts to always look out for one another regarding dope and have each other's back; all the usual crap that tends to spew forth when people are high and content.
Don't get me wrong, I'll hold up my end as best I can but I'm not stupid. Junkies is junkies is junkies and you take what we say with a grain of salt or you're a fucking idiot. Heroin reigns supreme and promises kept are usually done on our own time, if at all. Nature of the beast, no point in denying it.
So he leaves around 12 am and heads down to K's. About an hour or so later I get a call from MK telling me that Francis is gonna kill K and her BF and that I need to talk him down. I sigh and get on with it.
The story goes:
An very loaded Francis passes out on K's couch and wakes up to find that he's missing 1 and 1/2 G's of tar. For a millisecond he think he may have dropped it but when K and her BF barricade themselves in the bathroom he starts to wise up.
MK shows right around the time F is getting ready to shoot through the window and gets him back inside. When I get him on the line he's pretty fucking pissed, that was literally the rest of his shit and now he's gonna be short on the re-up. I tell him to calm down and that if someone doesn't make it right, we'll take care of it later. Get out of there before he kills someone over a rat ass G and a half. MK promises to see it done and I think we're good. I can do my last shot and pass out. Nope.
A few mins later I get the call and all that BS about having each other's back comes around to bite me in the ass. They need a ride, like NOW. I'm really not excited to find out what's happened but I owe Francis in a big way for taking care of me earlier, so I'm kinda stuck. However, my car is currently fucked and I can't drive it anywhere, so I tell them to come here.
F grabs the phone and tells me to walk up to K's and in the spirit of cooperation, I go. I'm thinking maybe he wants I should hurt her a little and I can do that much, at least. Me and her have history and it won't break my heart to fuck her up.
I walk up and see Francis standing on the front porch with a laptop under each arm and MK has one as well. Fuckin' A. I reiterate that my car is fucked and Francis smiles and nods to K's truck. Well shit, why didn't I think of that? K and her BF are nodded out in the bathroom and will be that way for quite some time, so yeah, lets do it. I don't even feel bad, bitch has it coming for being a sheisty cow.
I'm driving because F has no license and MK is currently absconding from some court ordered program. It's funny how shit works out.
Three houses away from our destination, we get pulled over for the cracked windshield on K's ghetto-ass truck. Cool as fuck, I calmly get the pertinent paperwork from the glove compartment, hand over my license and proceed to act like nothing is wrong.
F is super slick about shoving rigs down his pants and I'm surprised that the cop doesn't arrest us all on the spot. We slip by with a warning. No joke.
I drop them at B's and drive the truck back, park it in K's driveway, throw the keys at her front door and walk home, secure in the knowledge that I have made good on my half of the Dopefiend pact.
Third incident, a few days later:
Adrian has been driving me crazy the past couple days. He's been using Fran's FB account to spy on me and is not pleased about being my 'practice run'. He's been alternately calling and showing up and it all goes something like "You're gonna rip out those kid's hearts, you don't know any other way to be."
I've been a pretty good sport about it until now. I know he's going through some shit over what's happened between us and I'm trying to be understanding but this night I'm drinkin. So understanding is in short supply.
After a too long phone call where he says the same thing, several different ways, my stupid drunk ass starts to agree with him. I proceed to make a huge tool of myself by leaving angsty, semi-coherent messages for all involved. *sigh* They include such choice passages as: "Just walk away now.." "Run far and fast" "It's stupid to love me" "...make you wish you were dead".Yeah. HUGE tool. Fucking Adrian!
So then I get summoned by Rainman because he needs me to ride along to some bitch tweeker's trailer and take care of shit if she doesn't come clean about some product that went MIA. Drunk me thinks this is a fine idea, as all this self-reflection has left me with an undeniable urge to hurt something. Come scoop me up and lets do this.
About halfway there I come to fully realize what an asshat I've made of myself via earlier messages and that there is no conceivable way to erase them. This serves to make me extremely annoyed.
By the time we get where we're going, I see K's truck parked outside. Excellent. We push our way inside and within seconds me and K are having words. Well she is, I'm just waiting for the opportunity to introduce my fist to her face. I get it when she brags about ripping Francis and it's on.
She gets her hits in but so do I and when they pull us apart she's the one bleeding. I tell her we should finish up outside and she declines. Or rather she goes around me, out the door and drives off. Whatever, I've made my point.
The bitch we're there to see has a change of heart and tells R-man what he wants to hear, so in a way, I did what was asked of me. We leave and head back to R's compound. On arrival I see, guess who? Adrian. I'm not there 2 minutes before he starts in. Awesome.
I'm still all amped up from the scuffle with K, still kinda buzzed and SO not feelin' the messages I left earlier. It takes mere moments for me to decide that A is to blame for my having left them in the first place. I mean, not completely but still...HIS FAULT. Not entirely but yeah.
It went down like this:
I'm standing there and I hear him droning on but I'm getting so pissed that it's like a buzzing in my ears, I can't make out all the words. And all I know is that this is gonna end badly but I'm strangely ok with it. My head clears as he's getting to the good part, "Those stupid motherfucking kids don't even know what they're walking into. No pussy is worth this bullshit."
So I say, "Oh yeah? You must be pretty Goddamn stupid yourself, coz what the FUCK...are you still doing here?" Then I broke his nose. Left handed even.
Everything after that is not too clear but I remember Maniac walking me outside and telling me not to sweat it and that Adrian's just jealous and has been bitching for days about how these guys are moving up on the food chain and he's been here all along, putting in the time. He's 'earned it' but gets nothing. Boo. Hoo.
I'll do who I want, when I want or maybe not at all. It's one of the luxuries of being me. The moral of the story is that some people never learn. Below is yesterday's correspondence from A. Yeah, I'm a cunt, never doubt it.
[Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2012 18:59:28 -0700
From: adrian k**** email@example.com
Subject: read me
this is bcuz i know you won't see me. i want you to remember when it wasnt this. you fuck me up bad i don't know why i do shit the way i do. hey not trying to blame you but not this way any other time. can you talk to me? not mad about what happened. my fault and you told me it would i need to talk. remember the drive from espa? it used to be like that and this came on and it was all good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKgLmRrlD8E (Hideous Marilyn Manson-Heart Shaped Glasses)
From: melody c candyoh13@hotmail
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 8:10 PM
Subject: RE: read me
Adrian. Are you fucking retarded...like clinically? I LOATHE that song. If YOU remember correctly, I was way close to letting you touch me in the car until I noticed this was on and decided I couldn't possibly be molested to Marilyn Manson. EVER.
You can basically thank this song for the fact that you DID NOT get any of this "pussy that is not worth the bullshit" and then move the fuck on. I have. Please see yourself out.
Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2012 18:59:28 -0700
From: adrian ***** adrian_****@yahoo
Subject: Re: read me
youre such a bitch
From: melody c firstname.lastname@example.org
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2012 8:23 PM
Subject: RE: read me
GOD...you are being SUCH a fucking vagina! I've always been a cunt, Adri...you're the bitch. Furthermore. In regards to that song: MY eyes are brown...asshole. You should actually know that, what w/your weird eye contact issues. Or are you blind as well as stupid?
Now FUCK OFF.]
Is it mean? Yeah, it is. Will it keep him the hell away from me? That’s debatable but it’s worth a try. I don’t hate him but he needs to carry on elsewhere, I’m not doing him any good.
If being a grade A asshole is what it takes to save him from himself...well that I can do.
Not sure why the links on the e-mails are all retarded but I don't really care. Safe to say that everyone already has my e-mail and you won't get far with adrian_****@yahoo but that's never stopped anyone before. Have fun with that.