Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Psychos, Turks and Russians......oh my!

It would seem I'm at an impasse. I want to block the calls from Gabriel but if I do that then I won't be able to get any from Lora either. The whole Evercom system is effected by a block. Figures.
Gabe has called back and I've refused to accept the charges...duh. Casey is unthrilled by the whole thing and is NOT pleased with Josh. He's thinking of using his tax return to make a trip to Bako. I'm not sure how this is going to work, we both have warrants in Kern County and if Casey kills Josh the police will definitely be involved. I don't sweat going to jail but I'd rather not.
Regina is in some third world country right now doing God knows what. She wants me to join her at some point during her travels but I have decided that exploring Turkey i.e. getting to discover firsthand the true meaning of "Turkish Delight" is not in my future. I have a feeling that it's NOT a sugary we have all been led to believe. No sir, I think it is something far more sinister that may possibly involve olive oil and a ball gag. Thanx but no thanx!
She keeps trying to tempt me by telling me about the availability of good heroin in Istanbul but I'm thinking no. Besides, she doesn't even do H, so how would she know! She's just trying to get me to go because she wants to pimp me off to some obscure cousin who has a fascination with fucked up girls. I would think if the H is so outstanding in Istanbul there would be plenty of fucked up girls to go around.
She said it was because I insulted him and their entire family and this has somehow intrigued him. When I had the opportunity to speak to him, I became irritated by his superior attitude and told him to "Eedee tryakhate tvayu mamu" which roughly translates to "Go fuck your mother" in Russian. It's an old standby from days spent driving through the desert with annoying communists. I didn't know that it's considered a killing offense in some parts of Russia...not that it would have made a difference if I had.
Anyway, I think Nikki's attentions are shifting towards a certain lesbian friend of ours. From what I hear, he has said that he has no issues with her sexual preference because he's a lesbian too. What a douchbag!
I'm feeling nostalgic because Anna just discovered some texts sent to her old phone. They're from Fester and he's asking if she knows any way to contact me because he misses us. Awww, I'm surprised that he actually gave us much thought considering he was selling dope at the time.
When you're caught up in that cycle, things outside your little world become insignificant. It's too late now, Fester is on his way upstate and I can't remember his last name to write him. I should ask Lora.
I also got some myspace messages from the girl who has Mikey's daughter. She's doing good and their girl is gorgeous, she looks like a little Mikey only blonde with huge blue eyes.
Aside from one small incident that I won't go into right now, the last week has been totally normal. I've stayed home...mostly and I haven't gotten high on anything. I did drink some Mescal but I don't count that, drinking has never been my particular problem.
It seems like the only thing I have an issue with is heroin, everything else I can take it or leave it. H is my main man.
I get my 60 percocet on Friday and just like last time I'm sure they'll be gone by the following Monday. That's just how it is.
After some diligent Internet research I have decided against taking my new meds. I have no desire to experience the myriad side effects listed for those two medications. If anything can go wrong with a med, it will happen to me. I don't do well on SSRI's or tricyclics etc. I do exceedingly well on benzos haha, who doesn't?
In response to the comment asking about my counseling, yes it helps in a way. It gives me an opportunity to talk about all kinds of things, things that don't usually come up in day to day conversation. I have no problem talking about past, present or future and let's face it, if I was any more in love with the sound of my own voice I would be Jello Biafra.
It hasn't got the same feel as a psych appointment, it's laid back and comfortable. The psych doesn't make me uncomfortable, it was just her condescension I had an issue with. My new psych is a guy and alot more personable...for a shiesty quack heheh.
I do have a problem with the fact that my counselor keeps bugging me about bio-feedback. That shit is lil too L. Ron Hubbard for my tastes and Scientology freaks me out. I had my run in with that bullshit when I was in Hollywood and I have no desire to relive anything remotely similar. Xenu can go get fucked!
So right now I'm listening to Chuck Berry wishing that my name was Maybelline, I'm weird that way. I wish I was 'Maybelline', driving my 'Hot rod Lincoln' to 'Kansas City.'I guess I'll just hafta settle for being Melody Lee which isn't so bad. It would be even better if I was 'Melody Lee' driving a black Cadillac with 'Whips and furs' in the back...on my way to see an 'Ex lion tamer.' I suppose that would be asking too much.
I hope y'all had an amazing weekend, Melody Lee over and out.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

American Nightmare......

I'm tired...I'm awake and I'm not geeked. My head won't shut off, I keep running over shit in my mind, thing I haven't thought about for years. People, places, it's like a soup in my brain. They're all jumbled together and every once in a while I manage to fish something out. Usually it's good, a night out with my friends, a good show, a prodigious score. Sometimes it's bad but having the selective memory that afflicts some of us I skim over the bullshit and try to concentrate on the good.
Living in this wasteland even the bad shit can seem preferable to this nothing. I miss the excitement and the uncertainty. That's probably why I go on my little speed adventures, it's a way for me to feel ultra-alive for a few hours. I tell myself that being here with Casey is all that matters and that we have a good life and.....
Sometimes that isn't enough. I do the best I can and try to keep my impulses under control. I'm sure to most of you it seems like I'm walking a tightrope over a fire pit but compared to what I'm used to this is pretty fucking boring.
I really dislike this place.
I hate the fact that Otep is the best band to have played since I've been here. I hate the fact that there is nothing but meth as far as the eye can see and I hate the fact that this mediocrity is going to be the sum total of my universe for an undetermined amount of time. I know this to be true because I won't leave Casey, not without a good reason. Being selfish is not a good reason.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just making a statement.
I got a few phone calls today, one from Adrian (yum), one from Eddie and one from "He who shall not be named." Adrian wanted me to go with him to some dive in Shitrock, Maniac pimped out my phone # and will be dealt with later. As appealing as that sounded, I did the right thing and declined. Eddie called to shoot the shit and also warn me that Josh had gotten drunk and gave my # to "He who sha..... fuck it, it was Gabriel. Lovely.
The headcase that cemented my attraction for boys with fucked up issues and psychotic tendencies. He was batshit insane, beautiful, brilliant and also one of the few guys that truly scared me. Most of the guys I've been with were borderline but Gabe was just plain crazy. I saw him yank a guy out of a truck window and slash his throat with a box cutter. The guy had ripped him off and no he didn't die, Gabe just wanted to put some scare into worked.
It wasn't so much what he did that scared me, it was the fact that there was no hesitation. One minute we were crossing the street and the next he was dragging Jessie out of the car and cutting him up. He didn't think twice and afterwards he walked up to someones yard and used the hose to clean the blood off like nothing had happened.
It was frightening and fascinating and I was young and stupid enough to become enthralled by his craziness. Needless to say, things were interesting between us. I may be reckless but I'm not a simpleton, I curbed my attitude ALOT. I knew that if anyone would be the one to decapitate me and make use of my rotting corpse it would probably be Gabriel. Grant could kick my ass but he would never kill me on purpose and Casey just went out and got into scraps when he wanted to clock me in the mouth. Gabriel could stick a screwdriver in my neck and not bat an eye.
Now you may be wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I decided to date this poisonous creature. I wasn't thinking at all, I was watching the things he did and letting it carry me along. He was pretty magnificent for a homicidal maniac.
Anyway, our short relationship ended when he got caught up for kidnapping,torture and terroristic threats. I think there were some other charges as well but those were the ones that stood out. Basically some idiot tried to rob him and Gabe caught him, tied him to a chair and played with him for a couple weeks. I believe a power drill was involved. Icky! I still wonder who was stupid enough to try and rob him in the first place. I'm also very glad that this happened during one of our separations, I hate to think what would have happened had I refused to join him in the drilling of kneecaps.
So he was off to Corcoran shu. He was put in there for having been NLR even though he was a drop out, he had renounced all that bullshit years before. We kept in contact for a while but then he started to get this idea in his head that I was the root of all his trouble. Funny how that happens. I started getting all these long ass letters and calls which boiled down to me being the reason he was in all this trouble. Yeah, like drilling someones knees and elbows had nothing to do with it! He told me that he had to kill me to save himself and that was about the time I severed all contact with good ol' Gabe.
So here's Josh's punk ass getting drunk and giving him my #! One of the downsides to having all your ex-boyfriends know each other. I'm told that Gabriel made a convincing argument and that he had been on medication and therapy for quite some time. This was later confirmed when I received the call.
He was oh so polite and well mannered, telling me that he no longer had wet dreams about wrapping his hands around my throat and squeezing. Good to know. Then he told me that part of his rehabilitation was apologizing for things he'd done in the past. Apparently a large portion of the people he'd wronged were either dead (Hmmm) or otherwise unavailable. He needed to tell me about all the fucked up shit he did while we were together. Great, just what I want to hear! Is February the come clean month or what?
The things he told me were hideous! The confession detailed a pet massacre the likes of which I hope NEVER to hear again. This fuckwad strangled 2 of my cats, drowned my puppy and shot another of my kittens....all in less than a year! What a fucking asshole! I can't even begin to describe the way hearing those things makes me feel! I feel I'd have been less appalled if it had been actual people, at least a human has some clue as to what is befalling them. All I can think about is what was going through my babies minds when this person they had grown to trust began to hurt them...the confusion they felt....the pain. That shit is unforgivable and it makes me nauseous even as I type this.
As soon as he finished I told him that I hoped he wasn't expecting me to forgive him for these heinous actions and that my fondest wish for the future was for him to get a mop handle broken off in his ass. Then I hung up...then I threw up.
Ugh! What a nightmare. When I get back to Bako this summer I'm going to have Tiny and Dave beat the bejesus out of Josh, I feel that he's earned it. Yes you have you whiny bastard! Aren't you embarrassed to leave those gooey comments? I'm embarrassed for you, it's THAT bad.
I have a counseling appt tomorrow which isn't so bad, my counselor is pretty cool. I finally ditched the bitch-cunt that was my psych and got in with another one. He prescribed me Celexa and Abilify, neither of which sound like fun at all so chances are I won't be taking them. One of them is in the same family as Seroquel so fuck a buncha that shit! I'm not really sure about the other, I'll hafta check with the junky underground and do some research online.
So that's it for now, I have been likened to a 14 yr old (mentally) and I'm not really sure I care. Nope don't care, I do wish that the insults left in my comments were a bit more refined though. It just isn't as effective when you can tell it's coming from some illiterate inbred. I'm being called a loser by someone who probably still lives with their mom and being told to get a real job by someone who spends their workday blog surfing and leaving lame-ass comments. You could choke on the irony.
Love you kids, hope this post doesn't give you creepy dreams. XOXO~ Melody Lee

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Did you know....

That Valentinus was also the Saint of bee keepers, plague and epilepsy? Hmmmm, plague riddled epileptic bee keepers........

OK, I got the tat and it looks pretty decent. It's not amazing or anything but this is Nowheresville so what can you do. The main thing is it covered those jailhouse scribbles I had before. I like it and instead of scrawling Casey's name on myself I opted for some Spanish sentimentality, I am a Mexicunt after all.
It was my Valentine's day present so I felt it should have some significance to our relationship. These pics are pretty crappy but you get the idea. It says "Por Vida" which means "For life."
The guy who did it asked if I was sure I wanted that because later I might decide that Casey and I weren't for keeps. I laughed and told him that it was cool cause even if Casey wasn't "Por Vida" the tat sure as hell is. SWEET!!! A double meaning! I did the pics in B&W so y'all can see it better, there's no color in it anyway. I wanted it black and grey, it looks like some of the awesome prison work my dad has so I'm stoked, I'm probably gonna add some stuff around it in a few weeks. I'm not shooting for anything too complicated, just some random thingies here and there. Probably stars or some such shit besides, if it turns out awful Marc will fix it for won'tcha Marc? You promised.......Haha I love you Marc...seriously.
I'm quickly (yeah right), going to address a comment from my last post:

"Karma's a bitch Melody, but I'm sure you pretty much know that with this shitty life you live. When are you going to grow the fuck up?" ~Anonymous

Karma may be a bitch but I'm not a Buddhist so what do I care? Haha that may sound awfully simplistic but it's basically what I mean. I don't subscribe to any eastern religious beliefs...unless the concept suits me at the time. Sad but true.
Also a big part of Karma is intention, the motivation behind any particular action. It sounds funny to say that I have good intentions, maybe I should say that my intentions are not particularly bad. I rarely set out to harm other people though it does happen. I'm familiar with the fact that karma translates into western religion as well but that means diddly to me. I'm squarely against organized religion of any kind. Besides, any eastern philosophies that have trickled into western society have been watered down so much as to be barely recognizable. We have bastardized the true meaning of anything remotely worthwhile. I digress.....
My life isn't shitty, though some people persist in viewing it that way. I consider myself lucky to wake up in the morning and be content. I bitch about inane shit but that's just my nature, I complain therefore I am. I have just about everything I could ask for (except a heroin tree) which is more than most people can say. It's not perfect by any means but whose life is? I don't think anyone can accurately judge another's quality of life without having lived it themselves and I don't mean having been an addict either. That's just a generalization, all addicts are not created equal. We may have a similar mindset but our actions are not mapped out the second we start using. Everyone is different, how can you even hope to understand what I'm feeling at any given moment?
Just like most of the things I do, I will grow up when it suits me and not one second sooner. I'm basically a horribly selfish, mean and indulgent individual, it's what makes me so interesting. I will continue to act like I'm 15 well into my 50's...(if I manage to live that long)or as long as I find it amusing. If I kick off before then I suppose I will find out whether or not I'll be reincarnated as a turd gnat or a one of Paris Hilton's dogs. A losing proposition either way, good thing I don't believe in reincarnation.
As with most anything unpleasant that doesn't have any immediate bearing on my situation, I'll deal with it later.
I'm not terribly impressed with the idea that I should shape myself to other people's standards, you say tomato.... I say you and Karma can go fuck yourselves.
This looks to be a fairly ordinary week and unless something spectacular happens I think I may just be laying about doing nada. I'm hoping that the cleaning Demon is on permanent leave as I really do not feel like sterilizing the house today.
I will do some loser-ish Myspace trolling and then spend the rest of the day admiring my tattoo and listening to music. Right now I'm stuck on Hank Williams Sr. and Sloppy Seconds. Haha, I'm bouncing back and forth between "Long gone daddy" and "So fucked up."
Anyway, I'll see all y'all motha~fuckas later. XOXO Melody Lee

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Histrionics and Hydromorphone

The label says USP Hydromorphone 2mgs but the cam was weak so you'll hafta take my word for it.

I'm feeling pretty decent right now, Adrian did some ninja shit and managed to score the Dilaudid earlier today. I guess it wasn't THAT miraculous, Durango is just a hop, skip and a jump away. It was GOOOOOOOOD!!! Is good.
I took some photos of me and kitty and Casey (at the bottome of this post), I was gonna take some of "Adrian" but not everyone is cool about having their image plastered all over the 'net. Since he was sweet, (oh man is he sweeeeet!) enough to supply the evenings narcotic refreshment, I thought I would do the nice thing and not put his face all over my pages. He and Casey played nice though ma baby seemed more interested in doing Ade's drugs than anything else. He was terribly chill about the whole thing which makes me fear the worst.
The other night we were discussing various fucked up things we have done while we have been together and the subject of cheating came up. He thought he was going to blow me away by revealing that he had boned Stacy while we were selling dope from Dert's apt a few years ago. FYI I totally knew about Stacy, I was just too high and occupied to bother about it. In the end she caused a scene and demanded that he choose between us and he chose me, (he always chooses me) and that was that.
He seemed strangely disappointed that I wasn't more upset by the whole thing and began to get kinda......he morphed into an asshole.
I retaliated by telling him that I had been banging Josh from the time I heard he had gotten locked up in SF. I was so pissed that he had gotten caught being a moron, (commercial burglary) and that he had left me at Kristen's to deal with the dope trade and that he had gone with Angela, who had been hot for him since forever. Fester went too but I wasn't counting on him to be the voice of reason.
So I mentioned to him that since we were being honest, I had been sleeping with Josh the whole time he was on the farm in San Bruno. I also let him in on the "open" secret that the very day he got back in town, the very moment he walked in the bedroom, the very second he knocked on the bathroom door Josh and I were engaged in adult activities. We quickly got ourselves together and opened the door and since we had been fixing before we began fucking it looked as if fixing was all that was afoot. Of course Ron and Pony knew. Frog almost shat himself when Casey asked him what I had been up to. So I broke the news that he had been in the dark for something like 5 years.
He seemed to take all this in stride but the next day he made a shitty remark, telling me that if I was in such a bad mood ( I wasn't...yet), I should go "Find a vibrator and penetrate yourself while you think about Josh, that should make you feel better!" He then launched into a tirade about how I am the anti-christ and that I was put on this earth soley to make him miserable. Whatever, melodramatic much?
I've always thought it was mighty convenient that he's allowed to get jealous and pissy but I'm not. Oh well old news and you can stop gloating now Josh, all this means is that the next time you call and Casey answers, he's gonna hang up on your ass.
So we got Dilaudid in these cute lil amps that look alot like what I got hit with in the hospital. We have to draw the liquid out because we don't have the capuject syringe thingie that goes with the vials. 2mgs per amp and something like 15 amps. I think we've been through 6 or so. Adrian is off, Casey is dick in the dirt loaded and I'm nodding out on the keyboard trying to finish this shit.
Kitty has been a terror all day and has been called both a fuzzy dildo and a furry butt plug. I don't know why I called him this as he is not currently being utilized in either of those capacities. I may be fucked up but I'm not that fucked up haha.
Oh and for Valentines day we made a trip to the tattoo shop. Casey paid for me to get the crap on my wrist covered, I go in on Monday at 4pm. Don't worry, of course I'll post pics after it's done. Was there ever any doubt?
Hope y'all are having a good V~day, xoXOxo ~Melody

This is the face I was making as I waited for Ade to appear. I look apathetic, I thought it was going to fall through
Me and kitty

Kitty, me and Casey.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

An effective if short-lived method of shutting me up.

So first off I'm gonna start by thanking Rufus for the badass clip he made for me. I think I'm in love, seriously I could see myself turning into a furry at any moment. I'm such an Internet whore that I would probably paste that vid all over the place if I didn't also happen to be computer retarded.
I made the mistake of watching it while Fat Mike was perched on my shoulder (as usual) and now he thinks he's famous. He's been tearing around the house like a cat possessed and when I say anything about it he looks at me like, "Bitch who do you think you're talking to? The Rufus Leaking has spoken my name on camera!" There will be no living with him now.
Thank you Rufus I adore it! Casey was suitably impressed when I showed it off to him, I believe his exact words were, "Haha Rufus is giving you crap over the cat's.....HOLY SHIT is that Fat Mike?" Sorry I didn't take your name into consideration but I believe there can only be one Rufus Leaking. Often imitated never duplicated.
Moving on, I know most people wouldn't dignify shitty comments with a response but I'm sure you've realized that I am NOT most people. Since I just recently indulged in tearing anon(s) a new asshole, this will be short.
If a decade of needle use/questionable behavior didn't see me dying of HIV I seriously doubt wishing it on me via the Internet is going to be effective. Nice try though. Why don't you come over here and give it to me yourself since you seem to think it's such an awesome idea? It seems to me that my dying of disease wouldn't be ending my misery, it would be ending yours and why the hell would I want to do that? I much prefer hanging out so that I can stumble on new and interesting ways of pissing people off. I get shit from all sides and I think it's fucking fantastic. I almost wish I was a strung out/satanic Neo Nazi pro-lifer so that I could be really offensive. Oh the shit I could write!
Anyway, I think the best part is that I'm not even trying to offend people, I'm just being me. It's much more delicious that way, when you have to work at being obnoxious it becomes ineffective and lame. Lucky for me I seem to irritate people by doing nothing more than breathing, I'm just awesome like that I guess. I don't even hafta try!
Enough of that bullsheeeiiitt.
We're still planning on doing the summer trip, I have high (heheh) hopes and I will do everything in my power to see that it happens. Ordinarily that wouldn't be saying much because I am unbelievably lazy but since this trip is going to be an orgy of drug debauchery, that makes it a horse of a different color. I always find myself going above and beyond when it involves something I should most definitely NOT be doing. Contrary bitch ain't I?
It's going to be somewhat of a pain in the ass because of the photos/filming etc. Since we plan on slapping the whole thing together into some kind of book it's going to involve image releases and all kinds of bullshit legal crap. The fact that most druggies won't want their faces or actions captured on camera has not escaped me. Not everyone is as adventurous as I. I don't really sweat all that shit because I'm not actively selling dope/hustling and images of drug use are extremely hard to prove in court....unless they were taken by law enforcement. Which they won't be.
So if anyone happens to see us in one state or another you won't hafta worry about the photo crap. Unless you sign on the line and specifically want your face/words displayed, it ain't gonna happen. You can trust me........haha. No seriously though, you can.
I'm thinking that 90% of the footage/pics will be of us doing horribly reckless shit and nothing more. I do promise to make sure that it doesn't turn out like that crap movie The Brown Bunny. Christ what a hunk of shit that was! To anyone who hasn't seen it "IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" Getting a 10 minute scene of Chloe Sevigny sucking dick is not worth suffering through 110 minutes of Vincent Gallo driving......and driving...and driving. Ugh! Watch Freeway 1& 2 instead, you can thank me later.
Now before I get off the movie topic I just want to say that 'Requiem for a dream' has got to be the most nightmarish depiction of heroin use to date! It was heroin right? I a get a lil confused seeing as how every time they do a shot their pupils blow out like they've been licking African tree toads.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's a great movie but WHAT THE FUCK??? I have spent quite a while in the thick of junky shenanigans and I can honestly say I never had the entire state go dry followed by prison,amputation and a 2ft double dong. I'm sure that that shit happens all the time but to the same three people in that time span?
And what's with the ass to ass? I like gratuitous double sodomy as much as the next person but that was like a maggoty cherry on top of a poop sundae.
And speaking of sodomy (we were weren't we?) Regina and I were maligning our friend Becca and her desire to go see The New Kids on the Block in concert. *shudder* After a lengthy discussion on the subject I decided that I would prefer to be ass raped by every last New Kid AND that vomitous Marky Mark rather than sit through one of their concerts. I realize this may seem somewhat extreme but you don't know how much I dislike the New Kids an co. Aside from a few decent performances Mark Wahlberg should have kept his day job dropping trou for Calvin Klein and left acting to guys who can dredge up some kind of believable Steven Segal, his sensitive yet tough portrayals leave ol' Marky Mark in the dust...and that ain't saying much since S.S. has the depth of a mashed pea. Funky Bunch indeed!
'The Departed' kicked ass though, Marky nailed it on that one.
Am I in top asshole form today or what? I've bitched about various subjects and not one of them has much bearing on the other. I guess I just got caught up and couldn't stop myself. I'm sure I managed to offend somebody along the way. Right the fuck on!
So that's it for today, I've already heard from Adrian and shit is all set for next week. I'm sure I'll be back before then if only to field comments but if not I'll let y'all know how it went. Kisses bitches XXXXX Melody

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Friday part 2, the DopeOpera continues......

More brilliant photography from yours truly.

I should have finished this story last week but since I scored a script for 60 Percocet.......
Haha yeah, I probably don't have to explain. 4 lonely little pills left at the bottom of that big bottle, I should take them and end their suffering.
Anyway, Rufus said something about a soap opera so I though hmmmm.....and came up with the brilliant title of this post. Let's get to it shall we? Friday night part 2:

I was in the back of the van, a giggling David by my side and Maniac behind the wheel. As we cruised through the darkness I was wondering if there was anyway I could strangle Maniac while simultaneously kicking crack-boy in the mouth. Lame-o cholo wouldn't shut up about Adrian and the headcase next to me was babbling to himself whilst picking the flesh from his arm. EEEEWWWWW!
For whatever reason the fact that I had found Adrian to be moderately (OK extremely) attractive was amusing Maniac to no end. That fucker was having way too much fun at my expense. I decided to ignore them both and tried to find a comfortable spot amidst the shag carpeting.
Did I mention that there were no seats in the back? Yep no seats, just the two up front and then nothing but orange (yes orange) shag as far as the eye could see. It went up the sides and over, giving the impression of being trapped inside one of those carpeted cat tunnels.
I had zoned out for maybe 30 minutes when I felt something crawling up my leg, it was crack-boy. He was picking at the seam on my jeans, I shooed him away and began to wonder if he might be mentally challenged. I voiced this thought aloud but Maniac was busy talking to R-man on his cell, I swear those two are having some twisted tweeker love affair!
I was so busy slapping at David that I hadn't noticed us pulling into a gas station. It was one of those halfway to nowhere places that looked like something you'd see on unsolved mysteries, "She was last seen exiting a 1973 Dodge van before disappearing into the darkness, never to be heard from again."
I was out of that van in record time! Rainman had pulled next to us and I went to his window to tell him exactly what I thought of this babysitting assignment. He was still runnin on go and most of what he said was so garbled I couldn't make it out. I looked to Maniac for a translation but he was busy trying to convince the wackadoo to remain inside the vehicle.
R-man popped the trunk of the disco mobile and began to rifle around, I was half expecting him to pull out one of his guns, maybe he was gonna shoot crack-boy and be done with it? No such luck, he slipped a paper bag into his pocket, made some noises that sounded like "get back in the van" and went inside the store.
I walked back, leaned up against the side and lit a cigarette, trying to prolong the inevitable. Maniac popped his head out of the back and tried to entice me to join them with promises of a "surprise", HAH his surprises I could do without!
Curiosity got the better of me I'm ashamed to say and I had to go have a look. They had pulled a curtain that separated the front from the back and had turned on the overhead light. Personally I think that to a cop, seeing a parked van with a glowing flower-dy curtain is probably more suspicious that just a van with the light on....but that's just me. I suppose it looks pretty stupid either way.
As I was getting ready to climb in, Rainman came up behind me and handed me the brown paper bag and a bottle of water, "You're gonna need this." I could have been coy and pretended that I had no clue what he was talking about but I kissed him on the cheek instead...and then hauled my ass into the van. He gave us 15 minutes to do what we had to do and get back on the road, he would meet us somewhere down the line. 15 minutes haha yeah right! How was I supposed to get anything done with crack-boy pestering me?
Well funny thing is that as soon as I pulled out the shit he became amazingly docile. The paper bag contained 1 single serving syringe sealed in it's own little package and an astonishingly generous bag of la crystal.
Maniac had his pipe out and after scooping a healthy portion into the cap of the water bottle, I handed over the rest. He and David amused themselves by hot boxing the van while I squinted through the fog, trying to find a good place to stick myself.
Success! I got it done and sucked down cigarette after cigarette as I enjoyed the tingly rush. Speed is definitely not my favorite but it packs a hell of a punch. When I was feeling a bit steadier, I capped the rig and was gonna go toss it in the trash but David grabbed onto my ankle and asked, "May I use that please?"
What the fuck? It wasn't the request so much as him acting normal for the first time since I met him. Now I know that I don't have any communicable diseases (I know, AMAZING right?) but he didn't so I asked him if he was sure he wanted it. He nodded at me so I handed it over, who am I to deny a hype in need?
Hmph! I shoulda broken it right under his nose! As soon as he got his clammy little paws on it he started to giggle again and I got a bad feeling. The feeling grew worse as I watched him reach into his fanny pack, (did I mention that the fucktard was wearing a fanny pack? Ugh!) pull out a little ampule bottle and start to fill the rig. The fucker didn't even bother to rinse it! I hadn't done it because I was just gonna toss it but GROSS!
I won't lie, I've shared needles on more than one occasion. Mostly with Casey but with other people too. Mainly because dopesick doesn't give a fuck, all dopesick knows is that the person next to you has the only available rig for miles and after waiting half the day just to score, a 2 hour walk is NOT on the agenda. Plus after all those years of shooting, I kinda figured I had hep and all that other shit as well so I didn't give it too much thought. I'm sure there a some people who have been shooting smack as long as I have or longer that have never shared a needle but I've never met 'em.
No needle exchanges or helpful pharmacies in Bako, you have to buy them off diabetics, so sometimes they can be hard to come by. As excuses go, that one's pretty decent but it's still just an excuse. Don't share needles unless you are as stupid and reckless as I am...was....whatever, don't do it.
Anyway, the point of that is that even though I shared, I ALWAYS at least flushed the blood out of it! OK maybe not with Casey but any other time hells yeah!
I looked over a Maniac and he just shrugged and went back to his pipe...priorities. I leaned in for a closer look at the solution David was drawing up and it looked cloudy and weird and a little......yellow.
Yellow? Oh you retarded bastard! I had barely formed the thought when he stuck himself in the hand and shot it all in. "You fucker! Did you just shoot rock?"
"What?" Maniac choked out, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
It was like that really funny slow motion that they do in the movies, Maniac diving across the van to slap the rig away, crack-boy giggling at an insane pitch and me....watching the whole thing and wondering for the millionth time why I was there in the first place.
Maniac grabbed my arm and shook me, "This is BAD! This motherfucker can't do that shit, he goes loco."
Huh? "What do you mean loco? Like crazier than he is already?"
"No, I mean like.........FUCK!!!!"
We both looked over at David who had stopped giggling only to begin convulsing and bouncing his head off of every available surface. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! His face was turning funny colors and he had his teeth clenched, his whole body rigid. Maniac grabbed his arms and and moved him away from the side so his head would stop banging against it. He maneuvered him over so that his head was in my lap, fat lot of good that was gonna do. Crack-boy began seizing up again, knocking me back onto my elbows and pushing me all the way against the front seats. A good 3 ft, hence the rug burn.
He was frothing all over my lap and slinging it into my hair which didn't really bother me until he suddenly stopped, looked up at me with drool all over his face and started that annoying high pitched giggling. "Gotcha heheheheheheheheheheheehe loco hehehehehehehehe suckers hhehehehehe" and so on. I shoved him off me and lamented the drool-y state of my hair and pants.....that nasty bitch!
As soon as Maniac realized that it had been a put on he got really pissed, he snatched the fanny pack right off crack-boy, took it outside and stomped on it. Doing a fair impression of Rumpelstiltskin, he didn't stop until he was sure everything inside was pulverized and it was leaking fuids. How many amps of rock water did that skeevy little punk have in there? Christ!
We got back on the road and eventually made it to Bubba's. There were no more pit stops and R-man was waiting when we got there. I found out that David was Bubba's nephew, that's why we were delivering him and "something else" to Gallup.
We smoked it up some before we left and then we were on our way back home. Rainman needed to stop by his place to grab the oxy he promised me. When we got there guess who was kicking back in the living room with some randoms? Adrian, that's who mothafuckas and he was looking every bit as good as he had the night before (it was now almost morning)*sigh*
I however had clumps in my hair and drool stains all over my black jeans, they had dried all white and flaky and resembled something that I'm sure I don't have to spell out for y'all. Yeah, that's the stuff.
He pretended not to notice and told me he had been hanging out hoping to catch me when we got back. AAAWWWW!What a cutie.....a 20yr old.....cutie. We talked while R-man collected the promised oxy and I found out that Adrian was originally from Arizona. He was also *gasp* a smack devotee and had been doing the same thing I had since I got here, making do with what was on hand. Namely speed. He was really nice and never said one word about the fact that I looked like I had been the guest of honor at a circle jerk.
He said he had a hook up in Durango for oxymorphone liquid and that he was gonna be getting his hands on it around the 15th if I wanted some. Hells yeah I want some!
I was getting ready to leave and he told me that he'd have Maniac call me when he had it and maybe he could come over and we could all get loaded. I had my doubts about that scenario but I said OK and left.
So in theory if Adrian comes over and gets me and Casey loaded everything should be ok. Fuck, even in theory that sounds like a disaster. Heheh, I guess we'll find out on or around the 15th.
So that's it, I got the last of R-man's oxy and a big bag of cryssy and I took it all home as promised.....oh except for the FAT kick down I gave Maniac as a bribe. I made him promise not to mention Adrian to Casey until I do. It'll be better if I spring it on him, that way he has less time to obsess over it.
I started this writing this bitch on Tuesday and it took me til 3pm on Thursday to finish it up. Oh well, it's done now and that's all that matters.
I'll be back tomorrow....maybe. Love to you all, Melody