Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Mommy's little monster

I talked to my mom today, I swear that woman has some kind of radar that lets her know exactly when a phone call would be least appreciated. I love my mom, really I do, it's just that she can try my patience at the best of times.......and half -assed dope sick is NOT the best of times.
My mom is sooo far removed from me, it makes you wonder what she could have done wrong in order to end up with a kid like me. Did she lose a bet with God or what? I am the polar opposite of her in every conceivable way. She is a little snobby and cares way too much about what people think of her. She is very proper, very ladies who lunch. Basically above reproach in every way, I think the only marks she has against her are having married my dad and in turn having spawned me.
She has mellowed out a bit in the last few years, I guess having me for a daughter will do that to you. It was either go with the flow or go crazy. The first time I got arrested I made the mistake of calling her to beg for bail. I would have been better off trying to blow the judge. She was so horrified at the thought that a jail call would show up on her phone bill, I thought she was first. Then when she said, "You mean I actually have to lower myself and contact a bail bondsman?" I gave up any hopes I had of being bonded out and didn't try to call her again. She just has no coping mechanism for those kinds of situations, which is really strange considering she was married to my dad but whatever.
She can actually make jokes about my jail time now, whereas before, the subject was off limits, like if she pretended hard enough, it never happened. It's not that easy.
Anyway, she waited about 20 min into the conversation before she started in with her pet causes. Mainly getting me to go back to school and make something out of my life. Not interested! I tested out of school when I was 13/14 and going back now is not an option. She even enrolled me in college back then and I went......for awhile. College is not the place to be when you are 14, especially if you are a trouble magnet like myself. I won't go into the specifics but it was not what my mother had envisioned for her little girl. I spent the next few years running away to L.A. and SF and Mexico and wherever.........
To say my mom had a tough time with me is an understatement and I really think she did the best she could. I didn't give her much to work with, that's for sure. As for school thing I tell her what I've always told her, I don't want to waste my time and her money on something that I know I'm not gonna follow through on. I know I'm not, so I will save her the disappointment and just say so up front. I'm too lazy and unmotivated for college, I would never make it to all those classes. I could if I really wanted to but I don't and I'm not gonna lie about it. I've never subscribed to the belief that you should say things just because it's the 'right thing' to say. I'm sure I would get a better response from people if I did but there's the rub, I don't really give a fuck about getting a better response.
I spent some of my time last summer at my mom's working on her latest book and although it was fun, it's not something I wanna do indefinitely. She now has this idea that I can take over as her in house editor and that is soooo not happening! I don't mind helping out whenever she needs it but that's it.
I think maybe this is her way of finding something to keep me out of trouble. Thanks mom. I feel a little honored that she's willing to risk the integrity of her current/future manuscripts just to keep me out of harms way. Maybe she does love me after all? Just kidding, I know she loves me despite my numerous shortcomings, which is pretty commendable I think. I woulda given up on my sorry ass a loooong time ago.
HAHA, I warned you about the angsty type bullshit you could expect for the next few days, I wasn't lying! Muchos abrazos bitches, con amor y felicidad, Melody