Thursday, October 2, 2008
I can't really say too much about Ashley's death because I don't know the details. What I can do is tell you about her life. She was such a sweet girl, she had been an alt model, a body piercer (she loved doing body mods) she had spent some time on the track. She was a friend to me when I needed it the most and I knew she would never judge me. Unfortunately, Ash had been abused so badly (mentally and physically)as a child, that she was never able to get over it. She used to say I was so lucky to be able let go of my past the way I did........I wish I could have found some way to help her let go of hers. Her issues were always hiding just under the surface.
She always tried to put on a happy face but sometimes, if you looked close enough you could see it all lurking there. Her eyes would be so full of pain and sadness, you would feel it like a punch to the stomach. I still get that feeling when I look at some of her photos.
She died Nov 20Th of last year and I still can't get any one to give me a straight answer as to how it happened. I hate to even think it but it's starting to seem more and more like she offed herself. I can't think of any other reason why my friends pussy-foot around the issue every time I bring it up. I suppose it doesn't really matter how she went, she's gone either way. I guess I will find out once and for all when I visit home, by that time it will have been over a year since it happened. I wrote about it when I first found out melodyleeisdamned.blogspot.com/2008/06/it-never-gets-any-easiernever.html , if anybody wants to go back. I feel like I failed her somehow, like I should have been there when she needed me and I wasn't. It's too late now and dwelling on the should-haves and saying 'I wish' won't bring her back.
Enjoy the pic, she was a beautiful girl, inside and out.