Tuesday, December 17, 2013
I haven't spoken to him in a week and saying it's been hard is putting it mildly. The sheer number of txts/messages/voicemails that has been generated during this time is truly astounding. This is rather ironic because it was our prolific txting that signaled the beginning of the end. I mean, it was already on the way out but those txts shot it in the fucking head once and for all.
I had been talking to him him and dealing with Casey for a few weeks and it was getting to be touchy since Casey is basically at my side 24/7. Sigh. Anyway, I had made the decision that since things were good ok with me and C once more (no fighting etc), I was gonna try to commit to that and drop everyone else. However, I just didn't wanna do it, dammit! I like the jerk and...oh fuck it all!
At this point our txt were dumb and I replied with stupid jokes and nonsense, to make him feel less abandoned but also like it was a friend thing happening. I was attempting to keep it nice...it didn't work. He is rather invested in whatever he thinks this is, or was and won't let it go. I don't know that I want him to...
So one night, after hearing me receive texts every 4 seconds, Casey waited til I was nodded, violated my phone lock and found all that shit going back so long that I'm not even sure what he saw. What I am sure of is that he also went through all my pics (HUGE SIGH), and proceeded to send out photos of K slobbering on me from back when that whole mess happened. It was quite honestly not a move that I or anyone would've expected from Casey. I have to say it was rather brilliant, even if it did fuck my shit up on several levels.
It was clearly his version of the 'If I'm not gonna have you, I'll make sure no one else wants you either' maneuver. I'm actually sorry it didn't work. Casey blew the night he cracked my phone and had to take a few days before he could bring himself to see me again. The other's reaction was to promptly have a txt meltdown, thinking that the Kas pics were taken seconds before they'd been sent. It was a massive headache to sort out. Massive.
Finally he told me last week that he was planning on spending way too much money on a room at the Padre, I firmly told him no. It wasn't gonna show. Don't do that etc. I also told him I didn't think I was what he really wanted, that I was sure I wasn't what he needed and that I KNEW I wasn't what he deserved. He said he can't help what he feels and that he can't turn it on and off like a switch.
I was so bewildered by that last statement that I stopped txting completely and it seemed that he had finally given up on me. UNTIL...I got a flurry of messages approximately 5 minutes before I began writing this post. More stuff about not sparing enough of a thought for him to even reply etc etc. Ugh. Fuck.
What am I supposed to do with that? I'm not loving putting him through any of this but if it's gonna happen with us, it's just not gonna happen easy. Adam came to see me before he went to try and kick at the beach and after hearing what was going on he agreed that there's not much I can do. Time will tell how badly I wreck him and for how long! I can guarantee he will be much happier than he ever would've been hangin' with me. Or his money back. I am not your average kitty, take my word for it.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
I wasn't really feeling the whole hooker thing right then, mainly because I had no need to. Not to mention no desire...like zero. I had plenty of money, why the fuck did I need to get mounted by randoms all night at a whopping bill per? It was more a case of her not wanting to do it alone and me feeling for her and saying "FIIIIIIIIINE!". Yeah, I'm a good friend like that. *rolling eyes* So I agreed (grudgingly), to go along with it for the time being. Or at least until I could think of a reasonable excuse why I couldn't.
I was starting to feel mildly wretched due to an overindulgence of H that week, so at some point when I got tired of the sweat pooling between my tits, I decided to call Billy. If I was gonna do this, I needed to be as high as fucking possible, no doubt about that.
I rang and like my prince in tarred armor, Billy appeared. Not being one to withhold, I gave Shawna a fat shot of her own. This is where things would start to get kinda retarded.
"Oooh!" she slurred whilst perusing M4W,"I found one YOU'LL like! It says he's an 18 yr old virgin and will pay whatever to get fucked proper...you down?"
"SIGH. I don't think so. Young is young but a virgin? Pass." I was laying half out the sliding door on my back, blowing thick clouds of delicious tobacco smoke into the air and texting.
"You know that little boy will not be the first virgin you've defiled" she continued, "I think it's sweet, you should just do him for free. I bet he has friends that would pay..."
"Bitch please, we will not be running this as a charity! Friends? This is not 1983. Subsequently, this is also not Risky Business and I sincerely doubt that all of Tom Cruise's booger eating friends will be blowing us up to get er...blown. No means no."
"I'm gonna write him back and say we'll do him for free..."
"WE!? If youuuuuuu are feeling so magnanimous, go on ahead but I'm not going anywhere near him." I flicked my ash and re adjusted my sunglasses to signal the end of this discussion.
"Even if he's hot?" She snickered.
"He's not" I said confidently, "If he were, he could get laid on his own and oh yeah... STILL NO!"
"Liar" she smirked and turned back to the computer screen to answer more messages.
In the meantime I'd decided the best way to shut her up was to ignore her, so I went back to my phone and answered a txt I'd just gotten from K. He wanted to hang out and being bored and high, I said sure, why not?
"What about this one?" Shawna pointed at a photo of a non-descript guy in shorts and a shirt, in his early 30's wearing black socks and yellow...CROCS???
"PASS." I sputtered, sitting up and choking on smoke "HARD. FUCKING. PASS." K needed hurry the hell up and get here so I had a legitimate reason to not actually meet any of these guys. Crocs on a grown man? Not on your fucking life.