Monday, September 1, 2008

Josh this is for you!

So since I finally feel somewhat normal after the meth debacle I will tell the Josh story. Hmmm, where to begin? Should I start with the mess with him and Justin? Just remember Babe, you brought this on yourself. I'll make you famous........................for being a hypocritical guilt-monger.
I met Josh when I was already super strung-out and well on my way down the path of infamy. It was a well known fact that I had a BIG heroin problem and that I didn't give a fuck who knew about it. Me and Casey were having one of our separations and I was seeing this guy Justin. If you've been reading me, then you'll know what I mean when I say Justin's the guy whose band played 'bikeage' in my honor. If not then go back to "My teenage years" post from July 14.
Anyway, this was after Justin had decided that he did indeed want to take me home with him. Everything was going good, we had finally reached an understanding. He understood that I was gonna do what the fuck I wanted and if he desired the continued pleasure of my company he would deal with it and keep his whining to himself. I have to say I have been pretty brutal to guys in the past. Casey's the only one whose shit I will take. I feel so pathetic!
Back to Justin, he had decided that putting up with my junky bullshit was worth it, poor chump, and he did an admirable job swallowing his pride. I was free to go about with my dope fiend friends and do what we did.........hustle, boost, manipulate. I had not gotten into hooking yet.
This is when I met Josh. AH....... Josh, a kinda cute, tattooed, cocky rich boy who had come to use heroin after having a go with oxy and dilaudid. He said H was more practical, especially if you were shooting. We had a dealer in common and got to know each other one day while sitting in said dealer's kitchen. He gave me his # that day and said to call if I ever needed anything, even dope, he would help me out .
Not one to miss out on such an opportunity I called him one day when my car was taking a shit and wouldn't start. I was sick and needed to hit the hock shop and go cop. Justin was sacrificing one of his guitars to the Gods of pawn and loan so I could get well.
Josh showed up in his brand new truck with it's way too expensive stereo and ridiculous TV screens and proceeded to act a fool. Yes Josh you are right (for once ) you ARE a fool, no maybe about it.
He was acting like a rich jerk-off . I didn't exactly come from a poor family so it was like YAWN, not impressed. He finally caught on and stopped putting up a front, he turned back into the nice guy I had met in my connect's kitchen.
He didn't even take me to the pawn shop, he took me to his house. I thought we were just making a quick stop but when we went inside, he took me to his bathroom and pulled out a bunch of bags. Needless to say this impressed me more than his house or truck ever did. I hadn't even asked him to spot me yet here he was doing just that. I remember telling him that I would get him back as soon as I came up but he wouldn't hear of it. We didn't do anything but get high that day but it was the start of something that would hound me for years to come.
I ended up cheating on Justin and leaving him for Josh. I wasn't really sorry, Justin knew how I was when he got with me. Unless I was with Casey I just went where my fancy took me.Plus his whining was starting to rival Christian's, which was the twist that tore the panties. I cheated in part to rid myself of his endless nagging.
By the way this was the situation that brought on the (truly inspired) Fuck you you ho, I don't (do) want you back episode. Justin had it played on the system at the bar one night after calling me out in front of the whole place. He had a problem with doing shit like that, first the decedents song and now this.
Anyway, Me and Josh had a roller coaster relationship and that is putting it mildly. He lived off his trust funds and had what amounted to alot of cash at his disposal. It was nice, we developed astronomical heroin habits and I got used to being flush all the time. The one sore spot was Josh's inability to play fair. He could dish it out but he couldn't take it.
We fought about the most meaningless things, it was ridiculous. He would piss and moan about my clothes, saying that i looked like I was on a cock hunt every time we went out. It was however OK for him to strut down 19Th with his shirt off letting all the girlie's ooh and aah over his ink and abs. He also had a problem with me saying hello to Casey, though his ex-girlfriend still had a set of keys to his house and truck and made use of them whenever she wanted.
Enough was enough, after 8 months of this shit I had had it. Besides, Josh was slowly starting to figure out that all the $$ in the world was not gonna make me forget about Casey. I would never love him like that. That's right Josh, I will say it again, I will NEVER love you the way I love Casey.I'm sorry if that seems mean but it's the truth and I was always honest about the way I felt.
I walked out and have only occasionally looked back. I have had a few other Josh moments, all of them when Casey was not in the picture. The last one was around this time last year. It only lasted a month and by October I was on my way here.
If you are reading this Josh, I want you to know that I do love you and care about you, I would never want anything to happen to you but you aren't in my heart the same way Casey is. You can't guilt me into loving you more and it's not fair of you to try. Like I said before , you never did play fair. I hope you like the picture baby, you look good. Oh and enjoy the song, I'm sure you remember that night at The Mint, hard to forget. I still laugh every time I hear it. Don't worry I won't leave your pic up too long.
So now, thanx to my friend Eddie, the blog police, Josh has been here reading me and has left some bullshit comments trying to make me feel bad. I don't go for guilt trips and the fact that he made a remark about my putting 'It all out there" has made me wanna do just that . Voila! Happy now Josh, see where your little comments get you? I am so over your wannabe mind fucks, they never did work on me. Don't e-mail me again unless you have something constructive to say and have the balls to use your legit e-mail address. I am not impressed by that dummy account you set up, don't be a pussy! Melody