Monday, September 8, 2008

Adventures in babysitting aka why I am brilliant in my stupidity and why my shoes kick ass!

So yeah, it's been a few days. I'm sure y'all are just bursting at the seams wondering what kinda bullshit I got myself into. I have been so caught up in Josh drama, Richie drama, Casey drama even communist drama. I had to get the fuck away from it all.............and almost got myself arrested for my trouble. HEHE all's well that ends well right? I am not in jail and I have resisted the urge to fellate a handgun (I am fed UP with whiny, pissy, ego-inflated pricks) and end this week long headache that is the result of too many cocks in the, um...........hen house? Whatever.

First off Richie has been making a nuisance of himself as only he can. He has been using his cute face to weaken my resolve to keep him outta my house! I need a break, I am getting overwhelmed and I have no escape (aka Heroin) to help me deal.

Josh is stalking me via blog and e-mail and driving me fucking nuts! Don't you have anything (anyone) better to do? If I was in Bako I would be so busy getting fucked up and tearin' up the town that Internet harassment would be the last thing on my fucking mind! Josh, get a god damned life, seriously. I know you've read the comments, I know that there are plenty of bitches in Bako that would love nothing more than to jump on your dick and stay there as long as possible. Find them, please!

I truly think that if I was to say OK and come back, we would be at each others throats in days, all your $$$$ don't mean shit! Oh and by the way, you come off as such an assclown in your comments. Do you realize how obnoxious you sound? You talk about me frontin' but take a look in the mirror babe, you sound like a dipshit! I know that's not the real you, you maybe a cocky asshole but you are generally an alright guy. Do yourself a favor and cut the act, who the fuck are you showing off for? A bunch of people who you're never gonna meet! Your smarter than that darlin' and nobody likes a dipshit.

I made the brilliant decision to call the communist and got just what I thought I would. He spent the majority of our hour long conversation trying to get me interested in a scheme that would involve a lot of driving and a fully decent payout. I was trying hard to seem uninterested but he knows me pretty well.

His brother is still in the fed and sends his love which is nice............he also wants to send the brother and some of his intercontinental buttboys (aka errand runners) to come fetch me. I am undecided. I know I shouldn't do it, I actually have something to lose now and I'm not sure I wanna lose it. I didn't care before, hell it was like one big adventure, alive... dead whatever, it didn't really faze me. I think being (mostly) sober has made me more cautious.

Haha I'm sure some of you are thinking , "Fuck! If this is Melody being cautious what the hell was she like before" I'll tell ya, I was a carefree, reckless, fearless, lovable kinda girl. I was alot of fun and alot of trouble but most people (mostly guys) thought I was worth it. Schmucks! (Josh , this means you)

I am not quite so liberated any longer and I'm not sure I care for it. Being somewhat more clearheaded has left me in such a conflicted dilemma that I would almost (really) prefer the way I felt before. I had no notions of responsibility, just a truly awe inspiring gift for self destruction that left little room for hesitation. I will say it again, responsibility blows!

Casey has gotten a little less understanding this past week and currently wants to squash Richie and Eric like bugs. It has alot to do with my little police sitch -ee-ay-shun. I did something unwise (BIG surprise) and Casey is being an I told you so. I HATE I told you sos', even if he is right.

OK................I stayed home all week, until Friday. I was gonna be good and not go anywhere but around 9:30 guess who shows up? That's right, Richie and Eric. They had taken Eric's sister's car and wanted to head out to some res party in the middle of nowhere. Casey was on the computer and getting cozy with a bottle of whiskey, so he didn't want to go.

Eric was giving me the eye and innocently mentioned they had some speed. Oh goody, just what I needed, another night of tweeker adventures. I really didn't feel like going but after they came inside and Eric dished me and Casey out a shot (he again used the opportunity to run to the bathroom and fix) and Richie started wheedling and coaxing I finally gave in. Casey still didn't want to go. I feel almost embarrassed saying it but he got so caught up in a meth induced Warcraft frenzy that getting him out the door would have been impossible. I hate Warcraft!

After 3 miles of riding in the car with Richie giving us all whiplash and killing it at every stop(it was a stick shift) I took over chauffeur duties. I can drive anything.

We headed out onto the res, driving for like an hour and a half in the pitch dark, on dirt roads. What fun! Being hyper spun makes stuff like that even more sketchy, I was waiting for something fucked up to happen, leaving us stranded or worse. Being the brilliant human beings that we are, we decided that it would be a good idea to stop and smoke some cryssy before we got there. Genius, really. Tweekin' balls in BFE at night, sure lets park and hit the glass dick for awhile. I felt like I was gonna over amp. I got really tired and kept having to shake myself awake. Pretty fucked up having to drive unpaved roads that sometimes go along cliffs and mesas in that condition. At night!

We made it in one piece, arriving at a huge trailer. Seriously , it was HUGE. It was like two double wides welded together or some shit. I have never seen anything like it. The people who lived there were awesome, inviting us into the back room and kicking down with some shit that was sooo clean it looked like shards of glass. It burned forever in the pipe and knocked you on your ass if you did a shot. I won't say there was a lab somewhere on the property but I won't say there wasn't either.

Come to find out, we're in Eric's cousin's domain. Ahhh, now it all made sense. We all sat and smoked and talked and shot and watched a really funny documentary called " Choosing Life or Meth." I don't think it was supposed to be funny, maybe it was because we were so gakked. Whatever it was, I almost peed my pants when they showed before and afters that were supposedly less than 6 months apart. That shit was so fake, you would have to be hooked up to a meth drip 24/7 in order to get that tore back in 1-4 months. I won't deny that speed fucks you up but come the fuck on. It reminded me of those old govmnt propaganda films like reefer madness, Smoke marijuana once and you will become instantly addicted, leading you to commit vehicular manslaughter numerous times before you jump out a window and kill yourself.

They would show a before pic of a blond cheerleader and then it would show a 60yr old toothless hag and say , "This is what just three months of smoking meth did to Tracy". Horsesheeeit!

Anyway at sometime during the night, Eric's cousin decided that it would be awesome to go out into the dessert and shoot his (impressive array) of guns. Great idea, I'm surprised I didn't think of that. Nothing makes more sense than to arm a bunch of paranoid drug addicts and go out into the desert. We went.

I passed on the Mossberg pump because it was sawed off and would have knocked me on my ass, thanx but no thanx. I ended up shooting a .22 Beretta, a Firestar 9mil and something else that I can't remember the name of. It was pretty cool, I like guns. Richie said it gave him a hard-on watching me fire guns. Most guys who know me would run in the other direction if they saw me packin', not get stiff. HAHA, he'll learn.

Amazingly enough, nobody got maimed and we went back to the trailer. I distanced myself from Richie a bit, all that hard -on talk was annoying. By that time it was going on daybreak, time to get the fuck home!

We were driving back, me behind the wheel. I was feeling particularly optimistic because Eric's cousin had slipped me a couple 40ml oxys and I wanted to get back and bang 'em. I had stashed them in the (very convenient) coffin stash spot in my new creepers. Under the insole and completely invisible. I also had what was left of Eric's crystal in my other shoe. I was a walking (haha) felony waiting to happen.

Everything was cool until we hit the main drag back through town. Some cock sucking cop decided that my going 40 in a 35 was ample reason to stop us. Fucking fantastic! The boys instantly became everything you should never be when faced with the law, shifty eyed, nervous,twitchy and tongue tied. Brilliant!

I told them to sit still and shut the fuck up, if they offered up some asinine comment to the pig, he was gonna notice that they were spun retarded and we were all going to jail. Speak only if spoken to and give yes or no answers unless he asks you to be more specific. Don't sound like a robot but don't be a blabbermouth either, it makes you look guilty. Don't fidget , just be cool and maybe you won't end up in the pokey.

Needless to say the things that I mentioned above were exactly the things that 2 scared, wired kids do without even knowing it. I was sooo fucked!

Or so I thought. After glancing into the car, the cop asked me to give up my DL and registration. he went back to run it and the boys were freaking out! The last thing I wanted to hear was to kids chanting "We're gonna get caught, we're going to jail" over and over. I again told them to shut the fuck up! I was the one with felonious shoes on my feet, all they had was paraphernalia, a shit charge.

The cop comes back and asks me to step out of the car. Fuck Fuck Fuck! This is where they tell you to lean against the trunk, hands flat and they cuff or zip-tie your ass. I was just getting used to the idea of getting arrested when he surprised me by asking, "Were you aware that you have two open warrants in the state of California?" UHHHHHH.............?

I tried to think of something nonchalant to say but before I could do that I spit out, "Hell officer, what do you think I'm doin' in New Mexico?" Me and my goddamned mouth. He actually laughed, instead of giving me the universal cop stink eye, like most pigs would have. A cop with a sense of humor, will wonders never cease?

He wrote me a warning ( I have NEVER walked away with a warning) and sent me on my way, saying, "Nice shoes" in a smirky kind of way as I got into the car. Hahaha, nicer than you will ever know Officer Hoggit.

We made it back to my house and the story came pouring out of two teen aged mouths like the proverbial flood. Casey was not amused. After a couple of hours i got rid of the boys and appeased Casey with one of the oxys, a bribe if you will. It worked.........until the next day when I got an earful of shit that would have made the most tolerant woman cringe. I am not the most tolerant woman, I split! I was gone over at Sammi's for Saturday and Sunday and came home this morning. Casey seems glad to see me but would never actually say it out loud. He did ask who I was shacked up with and seemed relieved when I told him I had been at Sammi's. He did mention that he doesn't want to lay eyes on either of the boys for a good long while. I'll see what I can do but I'm not making any promises. This is Melody signing out. XOXO ( still kinda wired, can you tell?)