Monday, September 22, 2008

I will remain constant in my inconsistancy.

Opiate hangover! I feel soo fuzzy. Yesterday was interesting, Casey got called out to Colorado and I was left to my own devices. I had just done the last of the Oxy, when Richie called and asked if he could come by. I was feeling magnanimous, so I said yes. I am always extra kind when I'm loaded:) While I was waiting for him to show I started thinking about all the reasons why he should not be coming over.

1) He was going to be alone aka no other people in the house to distract him (and me) from his shenanigans.

2)He has been acting very strange in a vulnerable, sensitive type way and that shit just irritates me. I can't abide a crybaby!

3)He could be the biggest whiner on earth and it still wouldn't alter the fact that he is fuckin' hot and if I were single I might ignore his kicked dog expression and lick the tears off his cute face (along with other parts of his anatomy)!

4)I was under the influence of opiates and that makes me really relaxed and touchy-feely and susceptible to suggestions. Especially if those suggestions sound pretty fuckin good at the time.

5) Casey would be gone til late .......very late!

As I was rolling all those very good reasons around in my head, I heard the door and it was too late. I suppose I could have told him to leave but that would have been rude and I am never rude.
He looked especially good too, he was wearing a wife-beater and he was sightly damp (he rode his skateboard)and out of breath. God I sound so ridiculous, he rode his skateboard! I'm not in junior high for fuck sake! Ahh well.....
Resisting the urge to run my fingers down his arm was difficult but I managed somehow. I very subtly removed myself (see ran) to the kitchen and tried to look busy.
We ended up in the back room, with Richie checking out my new guitar and me laying on the couch, trying to look bored.
He started in about all the excuses Ive been throwing at him. Leading off with the age argument. It's funny that he never mentioned the fact that I have a boyfriend as being the major roadblock. He conveniently ignored Casey's existence.
I told him that his being so much younger than me was kinda creepy, it was very Demi Moore. He of course had excellent reasons why that shouldn't matter, including the ever popular and over abused "age is just a number" and "if I don't care you shouldn't either."
I wouldn't budge on it and I am very proud of myself! He seemed to get a little disgusted by the whole situation and instead of continuing the debate plugged in the guitar and started playing.
I thought it was all over and done with until he popped in a CD and started to play and sing along with it, looking right at me. The smart ass was serenading me with "Teenage Kicks" (which is on default so you can understand why it was significant), putting undue emphasis on 'teenage' every time he sang it.
I would be lying if I said I didn't find that nauseatingly adorable! I am embarrassed to even admit such a thing but it was so friggin cute! One of the reasons I am so attracted to Richie is his confidence. Most guys would not be able to do something like that without feeling and looking ridiculous. Richie just
Plus I have huge respect for anyone under the age of 25 who even has a clue who The Undertones are, much less knows how to play and sing one of their songs.
Anyway, I left him in there and came into the bedroom to check my e-mail and other misc. crap. I played online for a bit, just to get my tenuous self-control back in check.
About an hour later we decided to watch movies, Richie was not wired (amazing) and we had smoked a joint. That weed kicked in the Oxy all over again. We put on Repo Man and I drifted off watching The Circle Jerks play lounge music.
I woke up when Casey got home, Richie passed out with his head on my lap. Casey took one look at us, snorted, like he was beyond disgusted and said, "Christ, he's like a fuckin puppy or something, pathetic. Wake his punk ass up and tell him to kick rocks, I wanna fuck my old lady now."
AAAAWWW, Casey is so sweet! I had no problem telling Richie to go, he had heard Casey's comment about wanting to fuck me and was mumbling under his breath. Too bad, so sad. God, I am so fucking inconsistent! That kid is gonna be totally fucked in the head if he keeps coming around.
I was talking to Lily and she said something about having someone feel like a kid brother. Not in an incestuous way but more in a comforting, this is my family way. I know exactly what she means, I feel a strong attraction to Richie but I think that if he would lay off the flirting and innuendo I could be happy just hanging out with him. If things were different sex might be possible but not now.
I never confuse sex with romantic love, sometimes you fuck for the sake of fucking. Sometimes you do it to get paid (haha) and sometimes you do it because you feel so close to that person that it just seems like you should. Romantic love doesn't even enter into it, it's more a feeling of family and if that sounds weird so be it. I have no desire to fuck my blood relatives but if some of you want to be purposely obtuse and interpret it that way there's nothing I can do about it.
I guess there's really no point to all this blah, blah, blah, I just though I'd write it all down and see if maybe that would put it into perspective. No such luck!
On the upside, I got a message from Drew this morning and am really excited to hear from him. I was starting to think he was dead or in jail as no one had really seen him. Drew always said he was too delicate for prison (no he's not gay) so I'm glad he's on the outside. He's calling tonight sometime, YAY! I miss my sidekick.
So enough drama for now, Love all y'all, Melody