Wednesday, September 24, 2008

If you should lose me.........

I did wrong last night but it was fucking AWESOME!It's not what y'all are thinking, I didn't fuck anyone I shouldn't have. What I did was more along the lines of a really juvenile practical joke. It was brilliant!
Yesterday was Casey's birthday and I thought he was gonna be gone til late but he came home around 3pm. I was on the phone with Shelley and we were shooting the shit about funny crap that happens when you're on the street. Between the two of us we could write volumes on the subject.
Anyway, after I got off the phone I went in to see Casey and he had already started in on a fifth of JB. Typical. He gave me a shitty look and muttered "Hooker war stories" and that was that. He has serious issues with my past and HATES any mention of my days on the track. I try not to flaunt it in front of him but fuck it, if I wanna bullshit with my friend about ho-ho-horror stories I will.
Around 8 we got a call from Richie, he was with Eric and Sammi and they had some weed and of course speed. Casey said he didn't care if they came over. I thought it might be a good idea because he kept shooting me those looks like he was gonna start in talking shit anytime. I figured the more people around to take his focus off me the better. Wow was that a mistake!
He outdid himself, really and truly! We smoked some weed and drank some beers, sitting out in the back yard with the stereo on. After about half an hour of ignoring my existence, he starts with the dirty looks, muttering to himself.
Now I'm not a total idiot, I know how he gets so I stayed away from Richie the whole time. I mostly talked to Sammi, we were laughing about some shit that happened to her at a party. I guess this was enough to trigger Casey's anti-hooker switch because next thing I know he's saying I'm the devil and that I sucked cock for money just to spite him.
Everybody got really quiet and I just said, "Yeah, so what's your fuckin point?", If he was trying to embarrass me he failed miserably, I got nothin to hide. then he says "Hah, you admit it then, you did all that hooker shit, just to hurt me. You wanted me to feel like shit, you wanted me to die." Hello, complex much? I think somebody has a guilty conscience. What a drama queen!
Being my smart-ass self I said*dripping with sarcasm*," Yes darling, I went out and sucked strange cock for money just because I wanted to get back at you, it's all about you sweetheart. Every move I make, every breath I revolves around you. Every time I got into a strange car and put myself at risk all I was thinking was Casey's gonna be so sorry he fucked with me, I'll show him! Are you a fucking moron? Do you seriously believe that it was all some twisted plot to break your heart? Maybe if you could discuss this shit like a rational person instead of slurring half-assed insults like a drunk, mongoloid motherfucker, we could sort this crap out!"
He did what he always does at this point, he broke something. This time it was the pyramid of beer bottle that was against the wall. SMASH, glass everywhere. I walked barefoot though half of it to follow him into the house and try to smooth shit over, it was his birthday after all. In the bedroom things didn't get any better, I distracted him for a little while but sex can only do so much. He was really drunk and just kept saying,' I can't even look at you right now , you were a whore, a WHORE."
Boo Hoo, get over it already, you sound like a broken record!
Usually when this happens, he has zero memory of it the next day, which really pisses me off. He gets off the hook by claiming booze blackout and it's not fair!
Not this time bitch! I left him there to pass out and went back outside. The kids looked really uncomfortable but I told 'em to relax, no big deal. I told them that yeah, it was true, so what! Did they have a problem with it? NO? Alright then, lets move on. I grabbed Sammi and we left the boys in the back yard sweeping up glass.
She helped me dig most of it out of my feet which sucked! Then I told her I needed her help with something. I went in and checked to see if Casey was out. Yup, out like a light, he was laying on his back in the all too familiar Jesus Christ pose. I called Sammi in and started undressing him. She just stood there and said,"Um, what are you doing?"
I reassured her that we were not gonna molest my drunk boyfriend, just teach him a lesson. She still looked a little hesitant but she helped me pull of his pants anyway. We got his boxers off and she was like,"Ahhhh,hmmmm, don't get mad but that is really nice." I told her, "I know, impressive right, I'll let him know you think so, now stop staring at his dick and go get the clippers, razor and shaving cream."
That's right people, I did it. I buzzed all his pubes off and shaved his head, then I bic-ed it! It felt really childish and super amazing. His head he might not care about but the hair on his balls is a different matter. HAHAHAHAHAH. I'm still laughing about it!
I left him in the bedroom and told the kids they should probably go, I didn't want them to get caught in the crossfire when he saw what I'd done.
I slept on the couch and got woken up by Casey yelling "WHAT THE FUCK" and "SON OF A BITCH!"
He was late for work so he barely had time to shower and leave, meaning he didn't have time to do much more than give me a dirty look on his way out the door.
I would be worried that maybe this time he really will beat my ass but it's not likely. He called around midday to tell me he was gonna be in Utah til late and he was trying not to laugh when he brought it up. He said the guys at work were givin him shit because he couldn't stop scratching so he finally told them what I did. I am now a legend in the oilfields. And why not, I'm fucking AWESOME!
Casey really is lucky to have a girl like me, don't ya think?
AAAHHAHA,I love you and you and you, the rest can fuck off! Kisses bitches, Melody. P.S. I still have glass in my feet and it fucking hurts!