I was having a convo with Regina the other day and she asked me if it was true that I sold off my horses for smack. Ummmmm weeeeell, I guess you could say that technically I did NOT sell them for drugs.....I sold them for money....which I then used to buy dope. I also used some of the $$ to help fund the ill-fated "Vegas trip" that I took with Ed and Mike H. I won't get into all that but I'll say that Vegas is OVERRATED and their H sucked! From that point on I lost any desire to ever go there again.
The horse thing isn't really as bad as it sounds, it needed to be done because I had been spending zero time taking care of them for months and was having to pay to have them groomed, exercised etc. It's not like I hocked 'em to the glue factory for a quick buck, they went to good homes with people who had the time and energy to treat them as they deserved. I guess when Adam told her that I had done it, he made it sound like I traded them to some Pisa connect....fucker!
I've been demonized so much that my old friends will believe just about anything they hear about me. That's not to say that alot of that shit isn't true, I mean every rumor has a grain of truth to it. I'm just not as ruthless as I'm made out to be, sometimes I wish I was. If I was totally conscience-less I could have pulled alot more shit since I wouldn't feel bad about it afterwards. Yes people, I DO have a conscience, it's sadly neglected but it's there.
I never really worry about what I'm doing to myself but I do have a problem fucking off other people, not exactly what junkies are known for but I guess I'm not your average junky. I pulled some shit in my day, don't get me wrong but it was generally boosting, manipulating, scams, driving, that sort of stuff. I was NOT one of those people who robbed connects or my friends, fuck that! The last guy I knew who set himself up robbing connections was diced up into tiny pieces that they are probably still finding scattered all around Hart park. All the M connected Pisa's threw in together and had him disposed of.....NOT pleasant!
It snowed this morning but it probably won't stick, Casey is up in Colorado today and will be out til late, lucky me. I bored and I really don't like the snow, it makes it a pain to go outside and smoke and God forbid I was to smoke in the house, Casey would have kittens! Nazi!
I can appreciate the fact the the house doesn't smell like an ashtray but sometimes dragging my lazy ass outside is too much, especially when it's cold. He has a nose like a freakin' bloodhound too, so even if I tried to sneak a smoke inside he would know and pitch a fit.....tyrant!
I'm just pissy because I was just out in that shit and it sucks ass.
So Regina and I talked about all the fucked up shit Adam told her I was up to and I denied or confirmed what she had heard. We spent most of the time talking smack and re-hashing all the crap we used to get up to. I forgot alot of it, I think cooking up on the bottoms of beer cans was probably not a good idea and has given me early onset Alzheimer's or something. We keep remembering all kinds of shit that really makes us look like assholes but I guess we kinda were. Peter says we were always mean and bitchy.....look who's talking!
Now that I think back on some of the shit we did, I have to agree, it was pretty fucked up. Some of the girls who dared to try and insinuate themselves within the group got their asses beat and God help them if they showed up sporting a fresh Mohawk....that shit was hacked off quick! The 'project' girls got it the worst, these were complete unknowns that the guys would make over into little wannabe punkettes and bring downtown. BIG mistake....fuck we were assholes! I feel bad for our guy friends back then, they had a helluva time getting laid because of us and we weren't sleeping with 'em.....mostly. Sluts were not tolerated, the most promiscuous girl in our midst was Sara but that was OK 'cause Sara was family, she could fuck indiscriminately.
Anna tried to deny any involvement so I had to remind her that on several occasions she was the one threatening the poor girl(s) with a smiley to the head if they dared to resist whatever the fuck we were doing to them. If I'm mean Anna is terrifying! She once cleared the house of drunken rockabilly's that were wreaking havoc while an equally fucked up Regina and myself tried in vain to stay out of their slobbery grasp. She chased several out of my bedroom with nothing but a bad attitude and a bondage belt and kicked the shit out of the one that had handcuffed Regina to the radiator. Anna also happened to be like 20 months pregnant at the time.Fuckin' Anna banana is a scrappy bitch! Ahhh youth.
I feel kinda sorta bad about some of the stuff we did back then, all in the name of "I'm more punk than you" which is really fucking stupid when you think about it.
I let all that shit go after I got strung out, more important stuff to worry about....like getting high. Smack definitely mellowed me out.....mostly.
I still get mean on occasion, Regina is still a holy terror but now she just takes it out on her husband and Anna is in constant conflict with her neighbors so I guess maybe we haven't changed so much after all. To all those girls who got chased through alleys and shorn like sheep, I apologize........mostly:)
