Friday, August 29, 2008

Shit changes......shit stays the same and the ugliest most perfect shoes to date

So it's going on 3 weeks since the last time I had any H and it has been surprisingly easy. I haven't been fiending out like I was before and I was even able to watch Drugstore Cowboy without flinching. How's that for some fucking progress!
All that said, I would not say no if someone happened to have some. I am a dyed in the wool junky, just because I'm not currently jonesing doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy getting high. The only reason I've gone this long is due to my 'friend' experiencing a dry spell, so even though this hiatus has been good for me it was by no means intentional on my part.
I have been smoking weed and taking some pills, a little booze too. Not every day though. I went out last night when I should have kept my ass in the house, even though Casey has been seemingly cool about the situation, I don't wanna press my luck. I was good all week until last night.
I drank more Tequila than I thought humanly possible and actually showed some common sense when I turned down some somas. Normally Booze + somas= one hell of a good time. Somehow in my alcoholic delirium, I determined that if somas were introduced into the equation, overdose was imminent.
Pill/booze overdose is messy and treatment is unpleasant, it is generally a pain in the ass for all involved. So glad I was able to spare Richie and Co. the hassle. Maybe there is hope for me yet. Best not get too excited over that prospect, knowing myself the way I do I would say reform is unlikely.
So my friend was teasing me about Richie, calling me Mrs. Robinson. He asked me why I was doing all that shit in the first place. He knows that I am not seriously interested in anyone besides Casey. I told him that I like the attention, that in some ways it made me feel special.
He said, "Special, hmm isn't that another word for retarded?"


I said,"I'm not retarded, I'm exceptional!" to which he replied, "Hmmm, I think you mean exceptionally retarded."
I almost choked on my peach ring when he said that, even I have to admit it was a brilliant comeback. I love bitchy gay guys, they are so much fun to bullshit with. I always had more guy friends than girlfriends ( I can't imagine why?) but my gay guy friends were always the most fun to hang out with. Peter is so fucking catty, I love it. I could listen to him talk shit all day.
Anyway it was decided that maybe I was more short bus 'special' than princess 'special'. I won't argue with that, not too much anyway. I'm not stupid though, I just make abominable decisions.
Peter says I have a weak moral fiber and that I am a walking disaster but I redeem myself through my ability to make and keep friends and by not taking myself too seriously. I'm not sure if this was a compliment seeing how there was all that stuff about disastrous morals and such but I'll take it as one.
I hate to say it because it sounds really bad but the fact that Casey is so OK with me kickin' it with Richie and crew has taken alot of the flavor out of it. I am indeed a contrary bitch.
Frailty, thy name is woman!
It is Friday night and Casey has to work tomorrow, he's already asleep. Richie came up the alley earlier and tapped on the back door. asking if I wanted to hang out. I felt strangely apathetic about the whole thing. I told him he could come back around midnight and we could kick back here. I'm kinda hoping that if he does he will bring some of his cronies because even though he has been the epitome of respectfulness( as far as post adolescent groping is concerned), he still brings up things that are better left unsaid. I don't really wanna hear about what he wants to do to/with me. There is no point to it. It doesn't make me uncomfortable or anything but I can tell he starts to get carried away and continuous frustration is not good for anyone. It tends to build up til there is nothing to be done but let it come raging out. Seeing as how I would probably be the recipient of all this repressed feeling I think it's best to avoid it all together.


Sounds pretty ridiculous coming from me, a girl who spends a large portion of her week doing just that.
On a side note, I bought the tackiest, most hideous,absolutely perfect shoes! I posted a pic because they have to be seen in order to be fully appreciated. The pic is from the site I bought them from because the cell-cam has been forbidden me. I was caught taking a pic of Richie and friends (to post here) and as it is Casey's work phone, he was not amused. Pictures were deleted and I am banned from his phone.
It's almost 12 and the neighbors dogs are going ape shit, so I better cut this off I think I may have some visitors. Thank you and goodnight!