Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Everything I touch turns to shit but I think I like it better that way

I have been thinking about all the crap that pisses me off. Since I have been awake for 30 plus hours, I have compiled quite a list. As if any of you really care what I think anyway!
This first thing on my list has to do with smoking. This was brought to the top of the list because when I feel as shitty as I do right now, dragging my ass outside to smoke is not my favorite thing to do.
Anyway, I don't care if you don't like smokers, I don't care if you would like to drop a bomb on every smoking patio in America. I don't LOVE anti-smokers but what really pisses me off are smokers themselves. That's right my fellow inhalers of nicotine, some of you are on my shit list. Not all smokers mind you, just the pussies who feel the need to explain themselves to every asshole who feels it is his duty to point out the dangers of tobacco!
Why the fuck do you care what some tree-hugging reject from green peace thinks about you? If you cared sooo much about the environment, you would never have picked up that butt in the first place! You definitely wouldn't be puffing on it now and chances are you wouldn't be flicking it to the ground(with an ashtray 2 ft away no less).
I am surely no poster-girl for the green movement. I destroy most of everything I touch and am pretty happy with that. You will never catch me apologizing for my nicotine habit, if someone doesn't like it they can fuck off and get the hell away from me and my polluted airspace. One of my favorite movie blurbs is from Saved when Mandy Moore says something like, "You know second hand smoke kills!" and the other girl replies, "I'm counting on it." I wish I had said that, it's brilliant.
Anyway, what pisses me off about these pussy smokers is that whenever someone says something clever like, "That is such a bad habit" they feel compelled to say, "I know, I'm trying to quit." BULLSHIT!
Why do they do that? They are not trying to quit, they are just trying to make themselves more acceptable in the eyes of others. I never make excuses for smoking, yeah I smoke, sure it's bad for me, so is everything else that is remotely fun or satisfying! Isn't that about a bitch? When I die an agonizing death from some form of smoke related cancer, you can pry the cigarette from my cold dead lips, til then fuck off!
Smoker pussies, grow a pair!
Another thing is Miley Cyrus, if I could kick that little twat in the mouth I would die a happy person. I hate the sight of her from her weird face to that irritating, nasally pseudo-cheerleader voice of hers. What kind of world do we live in that some publishing schmucks are gonna pay her millions of $$$ for her memoirs? She is all of 15 for fuck sake, what the hell can she have to write about? Tell me that good ol Billy Ray has been porking her since birth and then, maybe I'll buy her book.
I used to hate Brittney Spears but she is so fucked in the head that now I feel a strange kind of kinship with her. Anyone that screwed up can't be all bad.
People who chew on the inside of their cheek when they are spun piss me off too. I had a friend named Mindy who would gnaw on her face like she was trying to come out the other side and it irritated me (and countless others) to no end! There is something about seeing and hearing her chewing away when you are coming down, just as the sun is rising and the fucking birds are chirping that is enough to make you commit murder! It is your choice if you want to get all spegacked, geek it up baby, just don't eat your face, please. Clean the house or something, write a novel but leave the face alone.
That goes for pickers too! I do not have any interest in seeing what you have harvested from your pores. I don't want to watch you attack your skin with a pair of tweezers and a magnifying mirror. What the fuck do I have to do, outfit you with a pair of mittens, just to keep you from looking like Freddy Krueger at the end of the night? Put the tweezers down, step away from the mirror, for the love of God don't go in the bathroom!
People who take their shoes off inside the house piss me off as well. It's the floor, hello. I understand that you just got a new rug but I'm fairly certain than when you purchased said rug you knew it was going to get walked on, it is a floor covering after all. Morons!
Stupid punk-rocker kids who are outfitted in the latest political-punk propaganda really piss me off. I can't count all the times that I had some stupid little shit come off all preachy about politics and such, wearing his Crass t-shirt and $200.00 vegan leather jacket. First of all kid, pull your head out of your ass! Please don't think to lecture me about the state of things when all of you political knowledge comes from listening to Conflict and Subhumans records you bought with your parents money! If you even try to insert a rant about people being on the dole I will punch you in the throat! This is America and people here aren't on the dole they are on welfare. You are spouting English politics and those don't apply to us here in the USA. If you are such an anglophile move to the UK and try that shit over there, you know that English polito-punks just love Americans!
Don't get me wrong I love Crass and Conflict and especially the Subhumans but I can do that. I am a walking, talking contradiction. A junky who likes Minor Threat(when I'm pretty sure Ian McKaye wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire). I listen to lots of polito-punk even though one of my favorite slogans is 'keep your politics out of my music'. I'm not a racist but I think skinheads are hott! I hate most country music but love Hank Williams and Patsy Cline. You get the idea.
My world is as skewed as my point of view but I like it. That's all that really matters. If you don't like my life that's cool 'cause you won't ever have to live it. I suppose I should go now before I get all angsty and shit, nobody likes a crybaby.
I saw a shirt that said,"I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself." I think that may possibly be the cleverest thing I have heard in quite some time. It is also the only instance in which I would ever be caught with the word emo emblazoned on my chest. Laters, Melody