Rebuttal and My Brief Descent into the World of Douchebaggery...

Fuck me, I look goddamn miserable don't I?*dripping sarcasm* Pffffft! Smug maybe...fuck man, check that crazy-slick default song, damn The Sonics kick some serious ass!

Now lookie here, a blog post where I get to argue my point, LOVE IT! It's been awhile since I've gotten to do that, sooo stoked hahaha. I'm gonna resort to the same kind of braggadocios douchebaggery that I so often condemn but it's for a good cause. Prepare yourself kids this is gonna be messy hahaha, just kidding, it'll be on par with my usual crap, promise. Below is the comment I got and my subsequent rebuttal.

Anon:


"I could be a soccer mom for fuck sake! Or even a *shudder* real estate lady!"

I wouldn't want to be either, but there's a hell of a lot more that someone cab be b/w being a mother or selling real estate or being a junkie. I've been a heroin addict so I know how good the feeling is, but it's nowhere near the feeling of accompising things you thought you couldn't do, making your own way instead of going shot to shot, and finding something to do for a career that you like. All of your insistence that you're happy being a junkie phone whore is a front for the things you don't want to face- being a loser, abandoning your kid, having nothing, being nothing- if that wasn't the case you wouldn't feel the need to constantly insist that you are happy with how you turned out.

PS You don't sound like an "intellectual philosopher," but you do sound like a rambling junkie.

Me:

Sweetheart, haven't you learned that I love to talk about myself? I bitch, blather and blog just because I can. If you think that I make certain statements about my life out of some deep need to reassure myself, you are waaaay off base! Fuck, I'm soooo glad I sound like a rambling junky i.e. ME! I was seriously worried that I was starting to sound like everybody else! The real issue here is that it's not up to anyone else to decide how I do or don't feel. How can you even think to try and choose my feelings for me? I can respect the fact that you've been an H addict and that you can relate to the feeling it gives you but we are not all created equal. Just because you've discovered some kind of remorse over the things you did in your past doesn't mean that I have to. It's not so far fetched really, that I'm happy as I am, why the fuck wouldn't I be? I have a nice home, I have a crazy-good income and yes it's phone whoring but again, who are you to decide that it's such a dead end job? I earn my money by working 10-12 hours a day and make what amounts to $45.00 an hour. My old man busts ass in the oilfields all day and doesn't make half as much as I do. So tell me again why my chosen profession is so bad, looks pretty fuckin good to me. I'm not working for some half assed, fly by night company, this IS my career. The sex industry is the closest thing to a recession proof job you can find and oddly enough, I'm making 3X what the college graduate who got laid off and is now working at Taco Bell earns.
What if my idea of having a long term goal is not to have one at all? Why would I want to plan out my life like that? I would go insane if I knew what was gonna happen in 5 years? No fun in that! I'm quite content to leave the future a mystery and enjoy it as it comes.
Since only the people who know me in real life are privy to the details of how my daughter came to be in my mother's care, I don't really think you can pass judgement on that situation. I never abandoned her but I don't feel like I need to explain or justify my actions to a faceless comment on a public blog. I don't think I'm a loser, I just accept the title with good grace hahaha. I don't give the slightest fuck what anybody thinks, it makes things so much easier, not having to worry about others opinions. Shall I make an itemized list of my loser accomplishments?
MY LOSER ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

Material:
*3 bedroom house, rent paid on time monthly
*SUV less than a year old
*all bills paid, utilities, cable, Internet etc.
*New laptop and desktop PC
*Crazy bouts of online shopping with my CREDIT CARD haha
*Sweet, crazy furnishings that I add to on a regular basis.
*So many electronic game systems, TV, stereos, record players that I will not list them all.
*So many kitchen implements that Martha Stewart would be envious.
*The sweetest collection of records, Cd's, etc that I add to regularly.
*More clothes and shoes than Imelda Marcos.
*A gross monthly income of $3050.00 give or take a few bucks( me and Casey)

Immaterial:
*A daughter who adores me no matter what I've done and yes she knows, I've never lied to her about that.
*An old man who puts up with all my shit and loves me anyway and a cat who disdains every move I make but still manages to treat me like I hung the moon.
*A family who also loves me, come heroin, hell or high water.
*Friends both old and new who like me as I am and know that you try to change me at your own risk.
*Contentedness.
*The ability and means to get as fucked up as I want and still keep my shit together.
*Peace of mind because I know that I'm doing ok, no matter what anyone else believes.

Funny thing is you could take almost all of that away(material things) and I would still be alright. The key to inner happiness is to take what you've got and make the best of it. I'm not 100% happy 100% of the time but neither is anyone else, addict or not. I suppose I should spend the rest of my life boo-hooing over the past, over things I can't change? Would it be more acceptable if I came here and blogged about guilt and remorse? I could do that but every word of it would be horse shit. There is enough manure in this world, I don't think I should add to the pile.
So you've cleaned up your life and found a sense of accomplishment bravo, I'm happy for you, you found something that works FOR YOU. So have I, so please don't condescend to tell me how I feel about it, the only person who can state my true feelings is me. I'm not ignoring the fact that ALOT of addicts feel as you do, that's their prerogative and yours but trying to force those convictions on me is silly and not a little presumptuous. My lifestyle ain't for everyone, addicts included but it's what I chose and I'm secure in my decision, period!
Shit, glad I cleared that up hahaha.
Later on mothafuckas, hugs and kisses and all that kinda sheeeeit!
~Melody Lee
P.S. My new friend Denny at AllTreatment.com has informed me that congress lifted the ban on national funding for needle exchanges, excellent news if I ever heard it! More to come on this topic later. See! I get along with treatment center types haha, nothing wrong with recovery my loves, as long as ain't mine heheh!

Suffering Gained Through Exquisite Means...(my intellectual windbag moment)

When I think of being an addict I think back to when it all started, you know, the very first time I got high. Not H, I actually think it was weed, I think...or maybe pills but anyway it's not so much about the specific details but on whether I would change things. Like if I had known what was gonna be the end result, that I would be somewhat bedraggled and in love with a drug that has no capability of loving me back, would I still take that first shot? What do you think?
I hate to imagine what I might have settled for had I not taken that sharp turn at the corner of Heroin and Destiny street. I could be a soccer mom for fuck sake! Or even a *shudder* real estate lady! I have ZERO regrets about the way shit has turned out, I knew how it was gonna be the first time I took that poke in the arm, it's not like I didn't know what I was getting into. I grew up listening to stories about my crazy fucked up dad and his H addiction. I had NO illusions about where I was headed, I just didn't care, I made a choice.
It bothers me on so many levels when I hear people going on about how drugs screwed up their lives, like they had no say in it all. The drugs don't pull the strings baby you do, whether you wanna admit it or not. The drugs didn't make you hock your flat screen, they didn't make you steal your parent's retirement money and they sure as fuck didn't make you suck that dick! YOU did it because of whatever it is that the drugs provide you with, be it comfort, misery or oblivion. There's alot of people who thrive on misery, it's like a black cloud that follows them around and drugs can be the perfect sidekick to that situation. These people are unhappy when they're sober and equally unhappy when they're high. Sad really, what a waste of perfectly good drugs.
Worse even are the ones who refuse any responsibility for their actions. I have a homeboy who will do the most shady crap when he's strung out and then come back and apologize for it when he's clean. Like being a dopefiend gives him a license to be a piece of shit. Fuckin pussy, if he's gonna be an asshole, he should man up and be an asshole 24/7, none of this "I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking straight" bullshit!
It's all so mystifying to me, it's like a really stupid form of buyers remorse. You had your fun and now yuo hafta pay the price, no one said it was gonna be easy. Where does it say that Heroin is a safe form of pharmaceutical recreation? Last time I checked, my main man was at the top of the "Stay the fuck away" list.
I must have missed the press release from the International Opiate Association where they stated that shooting smack was 100% safe and had no lasting after effects. What the fuck did you think was gonnna happen, that you would be miraculously exempt from the addiction clause in the H contract? You shoulda read the fine print motherfuckers, 'cause you signed that bitch in blood the first time you stuck that hypo in your arm.
I'm not being heartless, just honest. You may be pre-disposed to addiction but it's still you making the decisions. I understand that people react in different ways when it comes to being dopesick but the reality is that it's not gonna kill you. It's a miserable, seemingly endless process but it does end and going into a spasticated seizure and knocking over a 7-11 is just gonna make your sitch waaaay more complicated.
It all comes down to how you look at things and even though I may have a single minded purpose where my actions are concerned, when shit goes south I still know where the blame ultimately lies. Oscar Wilde said,"We are each are own Devil and we make this world our Hell." I think it's appropriate to this situation but I also take it out of context and apply my own interpretation (what's new right?). Hell is a relative term and can mean so many things, not all of them truly bad. If my Hell is what I've created around me how can I help but adore it? It's an extension of me and what could be better than that? Suffering gained through exquisite means is not made any less wondrous because of it's origin and ultimate destination. It's beautiful in it's simplicity and reduces us to the bare bones of self, we are at our most basic when we hurt. Therefore...how can a Hell comprised of my own nature and design be anything less than...magnificent?
Christ, could I sound any more like a pseudo intellectual, philosophizing windbag? Haha, maybe if I try really, really hard! Perhaps it does sound pompous but that doesn't make it untrue. Take your fucked up addiction and hold it close, love it, pet it, for no one else can lay claim to it but you. It's all yours sugar, as is what you choose to do with it. You can carry it to the grave or you can put it to bed but make no mistake, it's ancestry is clear. There are no branches on that family tree, make it work for you or walk away, that simple and that complicated.
Hmmm, more in love with myself today than ever aren't I? Whatever, it suits me *wink* have an amazing weekend kids, however you decide to spend it.
Kisses,
~Melody Lee

The Lesson for Today is...

The night we got suuuuuuuper wasted on unbelievably good dope.

It's been a pretty slow week, aside from the usual inanity that seems to follow me like a swarm. I scored some sub-standard H from a guy a couple towns over and it was definitely not worth the hassle or the poke. How frustrating is it to waste a perfectly good vein on something that you feel for 30 seconds? Extremely! I'm so shot out that when I do manage to hit a vein it's like I can hear the Hallelujah chorus and doing so just to have it suck ass because the dope was shit is kinda disappointing. Then to top it off the moron I bought it from is calling to pester me about buying more!What part of "Your dope is shit" is so difficult to understand? I stopped answering the phone and then as luck would have it, I ran into him at the store.
He's a total douche but think he's cooler than fuck and has this attitude like he can jive you into doing what he wants as long as he keeps up a constant stream of bullshit. It irritates me no end! At some point I decided to stop being civil and just let what I really felt come pouring out. It went something like this:

Douche: SO whatchu think girl, I got so much of this black I can cut the price in half.
Me: Nope, not interested. That crap was weak and I'd sooner burn my money than spend it on more bullshit. Perhaps the reason you have so much of it is that no one in their right mind would buy from you more than once.
Douche: Fuck that, this dope is fire, everybody's talking about it.
Me: *sniggering* Bet I can tell ya what they're sayin'.
Douche: My people don't bullshit.
Me: Go sell it to them then.
Douche: GIRL! I'm telling you this shit is good, you musta done something wrong with that last bag.
Me: *smirking* Yeah I did, I paid for it, that's where I fucked up.
Douche: *getting red in the face* You need to get in on this! It's gonna go fast and then you'll be back to driving 6 hours to score a bag. You're fucking up, you don't know..
Me:*cutting him off* I don't know? Let me tell you what the fuck I DON"T KNOW! I don't know why I went against instinct and copped from you in the first place. I don't know why you think that I should cave to you, a moron wearing a rip-stop nylon track suit circa 1978, you look like a flame retardant dildo by the way and I definitely don't know why the fuck you're still standing here! You need to do some serious re-evaluating and consider the facts. Fact-your dope is weak, like shooting up sleepy time tea and I ain't havin it. Fact-if everyone was so stoked on it, you wouldn't be hassling me like a broke ass vacuum salesman. Fact-you...are a dipshit and you need to step the fuck away from me and go about your business before I get really pissy and do something that might embarrass you...like break my foot off in your ass.

I walked away while track-suit dingus was still trying to sort through my tirade and haven't heard from him since. The problem with dildo's is they seem to pop up when you least expect it and when it will cause maximum trouble. We'll see.
So I thought I'd share that lil exchange with y'all while it was still fresh in my mind, since it happened this morning haha. The only good dildo is the literal one you keep in a box under the bed,figurative dildos are basically useless and should be avoided at all costs. Just say no to track suit dildos! That's the lesson for today kids, learn it, live it, love it.
BIIIIIIIIIIIIG kiss,
~Melody Lee

No Rest for the Wicked

Wow, I'm super tired and wishing that I wasn't having to work right now! I just took an hour long snuff/necro call where I had to bind/torture/kill several innocent college girls and then fuck myself while the guy banged their dead bodies.Uh, pervo? Dennis Raider called, he wants his M.O. back!
I'm on for a few more hours and all I want to do is go to bed. I've been awake since...well too long and I have no more H to keep me company. I'm soooo not in the mood for homicidal morons with hard-ons!Or anyone else really, I took a suboxone today and I just wanna crash. I'm not up to my usual standards as far as phone sex goes and I'm sure I made a very poor accomplice/murderess on that last call. Good thing it wasn't my acting he was interested in :P
So this is just a quick stop, just me wanting to bitch and moan about things nobody cares about...just because I can.
XO Melody

Now Even My Cat is Judging Me?

So the dreaded Facebook has redeemed itself...kinda. I still hate it on principal but it did put me in contact with one of my old friends from back in the day, so that has to count for something right? Joey was in a band with me and Regina like a million years ago and I hadn't talked to him in years and years. He went into the military before I started my heroin romance and I've been catching him up on what he missed heheh. He's partly responsible for me and Casey being together but I won't hold that against him haha.
I'm sitting here sweating and thinking and I'm sure everyone knows what it is I'm thinking about. I shouldn't...really I shouldn't but when have I ever let that stop me? I've been unusually morbid lately, thinking that one of these days I might just fall out and disappear forever. A huge relief to all those who hate me and somewhat of a nuisance to those who don't. I'm not really worried about it, as usual I tend not to dwell on ugly things until they come to pass and in this case it would be to late so fuck it.
I'm not self absorbed enough to think that it will make any real difference either way...maybe to my family and friends but that will only last so long.They'll get over it and be better for it in the process. No more worries or stress because of lil ol' me. I'm reminded of those fucktards who commit suicide under the misbegotten notion that, "They'll be sorry when I'm gone!"
Uh, no they won't, not really. They'll be relieved that they don't have to deal with your particular brand of crazy anymore and they will move on. The world won't stop because you left it, just how it goes. Eh, whatever.
Oh my God! I know what's going on here!!! I'm semi-dopesick and that always turns me into a maudlin moron. Sorry bout that, bleak introspection seems to be a side effect of the kicking process or mine anyway. I'll be good in a few days, I'll either be loaded or clean and both of those get rid of this whiny emo-ish (ugh emo) persona I'm wearing. I loathe emo in all it's weepy incarnations and it made me ill when I read something stating that the Descendents were the forefathers of the movement. It gave me that same sick feeling as when I hear Green Day refered to as the Godfathers of punk. Are these people retarded or just stupid? Who actually believes that??? Ugh, I have no words...almost heheh.
See, I'm regaining some of my old self already, must be that Percocet kicking in to relieve this edgy suckiness that has been plagueing me for the past couple days. No need to go listen to Death Cab and slit my wrists with a dull butter knife (I so do not listen to DC!).
Nothing productive on my list today, but then there rarely is. I'm quite literally the laziest person I know and unmotivated...oh so unmotivated! I do a little as possible for as long as possible, maybe they can put that on my tombstone?
I wish I could recapture some of that manic energy that used to make me sanitize the house from corner to corner. This place is trashed right now! It's so bad that even Fat Mike shook his head in disgust and refused to look at me. Now even my cat is judging me! If I do get some smack, I will try my hardest to remain semi-concious and clean the house. I'm in such a good mood when I'm loaded, nothing irritates me...except for Casey. I don't think that counts tho cuz that fucker could drive Saint Jude to slaughter terminally ill children! Was that in poor taste? Good.
So since Joey has informed me that he is an old man now and listen to folk music I will set my default song accordingly. Or try to anyway, I can only do so much and Joan Baez I ain't, perhaps some Dylan? That's as folksy as I get. Since I am first and formost a junky mess, I will choose the song (one of them anyway) rumored to be about Edie Sedgewick and her love affair with notariety and heroin, it's appropriate.

STONED MUSINGS ON RAPISTS & KURT HEMMET'S FRO

My version of the Veronica Lake ^^

OK well I'm extremely stoned right now and got this wild hair up my ass to come on here and write something. I met some new cuties that smoke weed and aside from their hotness they also take tons of useless drugs off my hands and convert them to cash. Gotta love that. So I've been getting stoned alot more than before...that's not to say that I've given up the H. I've managed to do both without any cross conflict. It also doesn't hurt that my new acquaintances have smack hookups too. Who would've thought that a chance meeting at the wal-mart would reap such bounty?

I did the last 4 hours of my phone-perv duty completely wasted, like stare at the wall for 40 minutes wasted. I have no probs doing the actual talk, that shit is automatic but taking their billing info is another story entirely. That's right people, you read right, I, Melody Lee am being entrusted to retrieve and record thousands of Credit card numbers. Not just numbers but exp dates, CVV codes and complete billing addresses. Basically everything I need to wreak major havoc at Western Union and beyond. I haven't tho, probly never will. It's like the time my mom entrusted me to do her taxes, I can't bring myself to fuck over someone who trusts me *sigh* one of my few faults. I'm stupid like that...which isn't to say I don't think about it alot but I won't do it. Goddammit!

Not out of respect for the pervs (they're mostly pedophiles anyway) but out of respect for the people I work for. If this had been 4 years ago not even a blood tie would have kept me from making use of the info, I mean who the fuck are those guys to me really? A paycheck sure but not much else. Most of them are abusive date rapists and if I wasn't such a stellar actress the contempt in my voice would be over apparent. I have little tolerance for rapists, I've come across a handful and they are generally despicable.

Not gonna go the whole boo hoo route about rape, it's not something that wrecks me and for anyone contemplating an irate lecture, don't bother. I've been under a couple rapists myself so it's not like I don't know how it goes, I just don't care. Those events are not important in the history of me and I'll be damned if I spend the rest of my days scared and emotionally crippled. Why let something perpetrated by a retard which a penchant for forced copulation define me? I don't and neither should anybody else, they should suck it up and move on. And for any girls who want to go all Gloria Steinem about it, pack up the femi-nazi costume and calm down. Not saying you don't have a right to be pissed, just saying that you should get the fuck over it, why give it and him any significance?

Moving on, fuck I'm surprised at my eloquence, all things considered I've maintained a pretty good streak of lucidity. Aside from straying a bit off topic.

So I was thinking about doing my hair tonight, you can see from the pic that my roots are waaaay grown out BUT I thought that although no one can pull off a hair malfunction like yours truly, I better not risk it. Nice run on sentence huh?

I also thought better of trying to do one of those lame-o podcasts cuz I have probs concentrating on those as is. I usually duck out to go score and end up playing 15 minutes off music and leaving 45 of dead air. Priorities and all that. Besides which, converting all my music files is a nightmare and don't get me started on trying to get the vinyl on my laptop. I'll get it all done eventually but FUCK! I should have spent less $$ with Dr Strange and more on a comprehensive suite of music converting software. But no amount of software can equal limited edition Addicts and Sloppy Seconds picture discs. Who says money doesn't buy happiness? I have several examples that lay waste to that theory, my record collection is just one item on a long and varied list. Guess what's at the top? Oh ok I'll tell you, it's heroin, are you surprised?

As updates go this has been pretty pathetic but what can I say, it is what it is. I'll do better next time, scout's honor ( I was soooo not a girl scout).

The weed is wearing off so it's time to see Cameron about a refresher...or at least some oxys, then they can go. Momma has to be up at 10 am for work tomorrow and if I don't get 12 hours of sleep I get cranky.

So I think this is enough for now, I still have the last part of that story but at this point I think most have lost interest. I wouldn't exactly know tho, since I haven't checked my comments in over a month. I wrote that last post and skedaddled with nary a peek. I'm sure I'll have some beauties to look forward to when I do decide to check it out.

So next time I post I'll let y'all see what I did to my hair heheh, it's gotten fairly long and I'm just about at the breaking point. I can only go so many months without altering it in some way and since black and blonde is all I'm permitted to do colorwise, hacking at it is the next best thing. I swore I'd let it grow, Casey is surprisingly attached to long hair considering he mainly dated girls with shaved heads, I should know, I was one of 'em. I've strayed a long way from the Mohawks and devil locks but I'm still the same crazy cunt, ask anyone. Besides, I'd feel like a retard trying to pull something like that off at my age, it's a bit too Wattie for my tastes and he's like 40 years older than me. Can everyone say Mohawk toupee? Not sure if he's still sporting that look but it was scary while it lasted. Even Metallica cut their hair...but then grew it back again when they lost their dirthead cred and record sales were affected haha, it's those priorities again. I don't think I'm the only person had been relieved to see the Hemmet fro depart. But relief was short lived. I think, I don't keep up with Metallica enough to know for sure. I haven't willingly listened to And Justice For All since I was in Jr high and that was the last album I could stomach, even then. Getting a weird craving to listen to Sanitarium tho, I will banish it by putting on some Electric Eels instead. One of the best thing to come out of Ohio besides The Dead Boys and Devo...I think it was Ohio. Whatever, they kick ass (as is proved by my sweet default song).

OK, now I'm really rambling so I better go. Remember everyone, when leaving condescending comments be sure and spell them correctly. Whether you are moron or not, it makes you look idiotic, like a tard making fun of a cripple and kills any chance that I might be insulted. But then there was never really any chance of that...was there?

Kisses,

~Melody Lee

A quickie, complete with photos

Pics of me, Casey, Fat Mike and some other misc crap, including a shot of my face busted to hell and back after my last catfight.Yes I'm alive and no Casey didn't pack me off for being a whore...because I'm not, well technically but in the sense that I've banged other guys since I've been here, uh no, I'm not. I'm kinda caught up working and trying to gets all this graphic novel stuff sorted and getting high (was there ever any doubt)so it might take me til next week to post the conclusion to the story. My latest headache involves Casey's snitch-cunt sister who has nothing better to do than carry tales to our family in Cali. I could understand if we were on the verge of fucking off everything but we're not! Both of us are working and maintaining all our bills, so what the fuck? You're going to tell my mommy on me? Seriously? It so utterly ridiculous and true to form, I should've expected it. His Family have been running to my mom with complaints for as long as I've known them. Guess what? She couldn't fix it when I was 15, she can't fix it now! Get a grip and fuck off! His sis is such a mess that she has to try and shit all over what we have to make herself look better. She's miserable in her marriage and miserable in her life but that's not our fault! I tried to help her out and she knifed me in the back out of spite and jealousy. That's on me for giving her the benefit of the doubt but believe me, I won't make that mistake twice. Ugh, getting sidetracked, I'm still burnt, can ya tell? So I'll try and get that shit together and post it by next week.Check the voice thingie in the meantime, I update there pretty often. Bye kids,
~Melody Lee

Just click the fucking button already ------------------------------------------------------->

So yep, I'm a laaaazy cunt...and a slut to according to anon wisdom light-years beyond my own. I recorded another voice blog for your enjoyment, it cut me off as usual so I'll probly be making another one as soon as I post this. I forgot to mention something kinda important that I'm doing with this blog. Sick and stuffed up, I sound like a tranny but it is what it is, deal with it. I'm even now contemplating how to import part tres from my other computer, if all else fails I s'pose I can just e-mail it to m'self. So click da button, it don't bite, I may or may not be too unmotivated to turn off my default music so y'all might hafta go to the source. Your choice kiddies, I'll be back later. Enjoy the pic, Maniac managed to somehow erase my unbelievably frizzy hair which is why it looks kinda weird on one side but after the time consuming and amazing job he did painting a glove over my tats(diff pic), I can't really complain.
XXX~Melody Lee

Part Dos: Mi Vida Coca OR "Who says crack ain't sexy?"

So I smoked smoked crack and enjoyed every second of it. Yeah, I said it...and?

I'd made my little announcement and less than 60 seconds later I was in possession of a fresh stem and a rock o' caine the size of my thumb. Loco had pressed the aforementioned items into my hands and then vanished on some mysterious errand, so I was finally able to relax. I leaned back against the closest wall and slid down to a crouch, thinking I would take a hit and then try and locate Adrian. Breaking off a good sized "crumb", I tucked it into it's little brillo nest and called out, "Lumbre?" *Fire

Maniac tossed me his lighter and I sparked it, sucking in a generous amount of mouth numbing coke-smoke. Holding it in for as long as I could, I slowly pushed my way back up the wall. That shit rung my bell! I felt a-fucking-mazing...for about 20 seconds and then the nausea hit. I exhaled a huge cloud and casually made my way (see ran), to the back door, opening it just in time to puke all over Loco's dogs. I didn't do it intentionally but they were jumping up on me, wanting attention...and boy did they ever get it! Instead of taking heed and backing the fuck off, they woofed at me and started...eating it. GROSS!!!

When it was over, I looked up and spotted Ade and two of the nameless homies from inside. They were sitting on old, ripped-out car seats that had been arranged around a fire pit and passing around a bottle of Mezcal. The fire was just embers, which was why I hadn't noticed them straight off. That and the fact that I had been in the process of heaving/fighting off overly affectionate pit bulls.

I still had pipe and rock in hand, so I secured both inside my bra and located the water spigot on the back wall of the house. I swished water around my mouth to eradicate the taste of bile, popped a piece of Orbit (trusty pocket pack), and walked over to the boys. Adrian looked pissed...and adorable! He had a cigg between his lips, hands clenched on his lap, fingers flexing. It looked eerily similar to what Casey does when he's trying to keep from murdering me. Casey looks pretty fucking hot when he wants to throttle me and I must admit that Ade was channeling that same look. It's a good look haha, but I'm a bit unusual and another less adventurous girl might find it unsettling.

Not me! I found it extremely attractive and used it as an excuse to do something unbelievably stupid and so...me. I stood in front of A and smiled, the rock had made me reckless and...stupid. Looking from his face to his hands I asked, "Are those for meeee?" His fists twitched and tightened in response, baby boy was heated!

I snagged the smoke out of his mouth and stuck it in my own, mending this was gonna require some serious diversionary tactics! Puffing on it I offered, "Ya know, they say when you feel like you can't control your hands, you should just..." I dropped down onto his lap and hooked my arm around his neck, "Sit on 'em."

The nameless-es chuckled and I felt Ade unclench his fists and relax his frame a teensy bit. He made no move to pull his hands out from under my ass, just turned them palm up and slid 'em so one was squarely underneath and the other was holding my thigh, fingers curled around to pull me closer against him.

I put my chin on his shoulder and whispered, "Forgive me?"

He pressed his cheek against mine and whispered back, "How can I not? I could forgive you anything right now."

I sat up, gave him a cheeky smile and stuck the smoke back in his mouth. Utilizing my free hand I fished around in my cleavage for the goodies. Taking my arm from around his neck, I broke off a fat crumb, loaded the stem and traded his Camel for crack-pipe. He took it in his teeth and tilted his head back so the rock wouldn't fall out. He sat absolutely still while I dug around in his pants and pulled out his...lighter heheh. I sparked it and held the flame for him, after all, his hands were occupied! *wink*

When he couldn't hold any more, I took the glass from his mouth and brought my lips to his. I held them a hairsbreadth away, not quite touching but close enough for him to shotgun me. He blew the smoke into my mouth and I sucked in, trying to capture as much of it as possible.

I don't know when it happened but he closed the distance, kissing me tentatively while I held in the hit. I may have held it in a tad longer than necessary, I wanted to enjoy this first and in all probability, last kiss from Adrian. I let him deepen it, I mean why not? The damage was already done.

He tasted of cigarettes and tequila and...fuck, a whole lot of trouble! Basically irresistible. I blew out, the smoke evaporating as I kissed him back. His hand had crept under my shirt and was slowly stroking up and down my spine.

The resulting goose bumps brought me crashing back down to earth and I started to pull away. He murmered, "Uh-uh" and held me tighter, delivering yet another series of devastating kisses. I let it go on for another minute and then broke away, I was fast losing control of the situation. Turning my face, I put my head on his shoulder and tried to catch my breath...I was very definitely breath-less! My heart was hammering in my chest and my skin felt tingly all over. I'm sure some of that can be attributed to the coca but for the most part it was Adrian. He was breathing a lil heavy himself, one hand still gliding over my back and the other clutching onto my jeans. We stayed that way, neither one of us saying a word, just...panting, haha.

The spell was broken when a nameless called out, "Who says crack ain't sexy? You two look like a teaser for base-head Skin-a-max!"

I turned and tried to summon up a little righteous indignation but ended up laughing instead. I silently thanked no-name for making an awkward situation into something comical. I eased myself off Adrian's lap until I was sitting beside him on the ancient bench seat.

Taking inventory, I saw that aside from curling my arm around his neck, I had managed to keep my hands to myself. I was still in possession of the pipe, rock and lighter. I also noticed that my bra felt curiously loose...nimble fingered fucker!

I turned my back to Ade, looked over my shoulder and drawled, "Could ya?"

He grinned at me and slid his hands under my t-shirt, skimming his fingers around to the front and adjusting the cups before going back and hooking it up.

Shivering, I sat back, tucked all the paraphernalia into my boobs and said, "Thank you, very thorough."

"My pleasure" he replied, winking at me and popping his gum, er...my gum.

"Daaaaaang!" cried out an unidentified homie, "You should give her the gum back too homeboy! Give it back the way you got it...real sloooooow!"

I shook my head and looked at Ade, his response being to stick his tongue out, my gum sitting on the end of it. Glancing at our audience, I rolled my eyes and then thought, why not? I decided to go all porn stylie and threw my leg over both of his. Grabbing his shoulders, I pulled myself up and over so I was straddling his lap. I leaned in and sucked the gum off his tongue, dry humping his legs for effect, making it look way more obscene that it actually was.

"Fuck YESSSS!" vato#1 called out, clapping his hands, "That's what I'm talking about!"

"Shit yeah!" added vato#2, joining in the applause, "I think I gotta go jerk off now!"

"Ooooookay, " I responded, jumping off Adrian, "I am SO outta here!" I grabbed his hand and pulled him up so we could go back inside.

Right then Maniac stuck his head out the back door, "Fuck primo," he called back over his shoulder as he struggeled to avoid puppy kisses, " Your perros smell like barf!"

I let out an unintentional snort and clapped my hand over my mouth. Maniac eyed me suspiciously and then peered at the nameless-es who were giving us a standing ovation and shouting, "Again, again!"

Staring pointedly at our clasped hands, he squinted one eye at me and asked , "Que pasa con esos bueys?" * What's up with those fools?

"Nada pregunton! Attiende tus negocios y deja me los mios!" * Nothing nosy! Mind your business and let me worry about mine!

We followed him back inside and I was sure to pry my hand away from Adrian's before we encountered Loco. Things were gonna be touchy enough without giving him more reasons to act like a psycho.

Hmmm, looks like this is turning into a mini-series, must be the thwarted author coming out in me heh. I suppose that's what happens when you've been clued into the fact that your writing blows, oddly enough, by someone who can't seem to stop reading it. Funny how that works huh?

Tune in for Part tres...if y'all can force yourselves to suffer through more literary ineptitude.

Hasta Luego Amores,

~Melody Lee, (crack) Cocaine-cowgirl and recent star of Skin-a-max's, "Base-heads in Heat"

American Me...gone retarded! Part uno

Me laying in someone's bed, doesn't matter who, it's not important and I don't remember anyway.

So we rolled up to Loco's place and I was already feeling jumpy. I had managed to keep the boys from hitting the Cryssy on the ride up (no easy feat) so the only thing I was amped on was stupidity. I lagged behind Joker and Adrian and grabbed Maniac so we could have a little powow before going inside.
He was smirking at me, so I reached out and pinched him, I was so not in the mood for his buffoonery! He jumped back and said, "Cabrona! What the fuck did you do that for?"
"Because you're enjoying this even though you know it's not a good idea! You dick, why the hell didn't you tell me we were coming here? The last time I saw your psycho cousin, he tongue raped my throat!"
"That wasn't the last time heheh, that was before...."
"Fuckin retardado what difference does it make? Point is that it happened, is he gonna trip on me and Adrian?"
"Fuck if I know, what do I look like, Rip Torn?"
"What? That makes NO sense! It's Rip Taylor you moron!"
"Whatever, that joto with the glitter, you know what I mean."
"Ugh, I can't deal with you right now! Are you gonna be a chickenshit and forget I'm a homegirl if your family gets outta control?"
"Chica, I ain't no chickenshit, don't sweat it, he'll be cool..."
Loco's ears musta been burning because he chose that moment to stick his head out the door and call us inside. He seemed to be in a decent mood (see cracked-out beyond belief) and I tried to relax, resisting the urge to throw his arm offf my shoulder. I looked for Ade as soon as we got inside and saw him leaning against the wall in the living room, waiting for me. SO cute!
Really I shoulda known better, the tension in the air was exacerbated by the people huddled around crack stems, puffing away. I started to walk to Adrian, trying to slither out from under Loco's arm but he grabbed me by the belt loops and pulled me back. I was already cognizant of sweaty cholo prints appearing all over my anatomy, this was taking a turn for the worst. I didn't even have the dubious protection of Rainman's presence, at least that would have kept L in check, he wouldn't want to fuck a business contact.
I was maneuvered back onto the couch and found myself in the hot seat as he asked me," Why you don't come around no more? You come here with the huerro (Adrian) but you can't come kick it with me?"
I tried scooting back but he just moved closer. "I haven't been going out at all" I told him," just keeping my ass home..."
He leaned back, "That ain't what I heard, I heard you been going to Espy and fucking around with that fool Jesse, that's a chump move girl, you know that tecate shit ain't no good."
I took a series of deep breaths, trying to stay calm. I was halfway successful when he added, "You need somebody to get you straight, that chiva is poison and you're better than that. Your old man don't keep you in line you need a..."
"Real man?" I ground out, fighting to maintain my composure. I glanced up at Adrian and saw him measuring the sitch. Maniac was so engrossed in our conversation that he was actually leaning forward on the edge of his seat, I wanted nothing more than to reach out and pinch him again! If I didn't get control of this it was gonna get ugly quick! I decided that I would hafta distract Loco before A did something stupid, after all, I was fairly sure that he wouldn't stab me with a carpentry implement.

It's not what you think although I'm sure blowing him would have been equally effective; I chose confrontation over fellatio. "Yeah, I've heard you say that before, matter of fact you've said it every time I've been by! It's getting old sweetheart, your CD's skipping, maybe if I smack you it'll change up?"

I heard Joker murmur, "Oh shit!" about the same time that Maniac let out a snort of laughter. Loco gave him a look and turned to me, "You sayin you gonna smack me heina?"

I stood up and took a step back (I may be crazy but I ain't stupid!),"You heard me and I'm not your heina, remember that fool. You're taking a whole lot for granted considering we've never been naked together. NO, I take that back because even the guys who have fucked me know better than to try and tell me what I do and don't need."

"That's 'cause they're a bunch of pussies heina, they don't got the huevos to tell it straight. They all eat your shit and when you're done they just sit back and wag their tails like a bunch of perros, waiting for more." He pointed at Adrian," Check that pendejo over there, cruising around with blue balls just 'cause he's too much of a pussy to do anything about it. Oye Adrian, no tengas esperanzas que esta loca te va dar un pedaso, esa no quere chavos, necessita..." *translates to: Listen Adrian, don't hold out hope this crazy bitch is gonna break you off, homegirl doesn't want little boys she needs...

"A REAL MAN???" I spat out, "Un propio hombre que sabe como controlar una perra venenosa como yo?" *A real man who knows how to control a poisonous bitch like myself?

I felt like the top off my head was gonna explode! Ade pushed off the wall and started coming at Loco but Jokes and a couple of guys I didn't know held him back, "Get him the fuck outta here and keep him out!" I yelled at Joker, "I'll be Godamned if he gets himself stuck over this shit!"

He was still talking smack to Loco when they dragged him from the house and L called out, "Que te dije huerro? No quere mamalones hahaha!" *What did I tell you whiteboy, she don't want no tittybabys.

I hated chopping off his balls like that but what could I do? These fools would cut him down as soon as look at him or worse, I didn't want to be responsible for that, no way.

I waited for Joker to come back (minus Adrian) and then turned my displeasure on the cholo fuckwad standing before me, "You..." I choked out, "are the most insufferable....the most overbearing, delusional, pompous..."

"Orale Joker?" I heard Maniac whisper, "Que quere disir un pom-pus? Is that good?"

I almost lost it and started laughing when I heard Jokes say,"No burro, it's not good! Shut the fuck up and stop asking pendejeras!*muttering* Un pom-pus....pinche retardado!"

"Oye primo why the hell is everybody calling me retardado today?" Maniac asked Loco, effectively turning the attention away from me and onto himself.

"That's 'cause you are, homes."

"Simon?"

"Simon!"

I let out an exasperated sigh and rolled my eyes at the room in general but was totally relieved that Maniac had come through for me. Loco was so rocked-out, he had crack-head ADD and forgot we were arguing, "So heina, I was just telling you that you need to come stay with me so you can get straight and stop fucking with that chiva."

"Grrrr, you live in a rock-house fool! How would you suggest I get clean here?"

"I could think of something to keep you busy..."

"Simon?"

"Simon!"

"You two are gonna make me regurgima...puke!" Maniac was less than pleased by our chummy banter, I don't think he trusted it. I flipped him off, made a face at him then said, "OK fuckers, whose holding my rock?" Disaster had been averted...for the time being and I needed to get intoxicated...PRONTO! I also needed to find out what they did with Adrian and just how pissed he might be at me...lil old innocent me!

OK, enough for now, I'm not sure how much more homie-speak I can relate here without feeling like an absolute moron. They really do talk like that, it's not verbatim, but it's close enough and I revert back to it so easily when I'm there. What can I say, it's the Mexi-cunt in me.

So Imma go now, I'm kinda spazzed out because my left thumb has gone numb for no apparent reason. Maniac says it's because I have it stuck up my ass 90% of the time but I'm gonna say no, that's not it.

Kisses,

~M

Cholo-cide as a worthwhile pursuit.

OK so it just so happens that every time I try and stay home so I can get straight for a few days my phone rings. I get a call or a text asking me to go fuck around and if I feel like total shit (or even if I don't) I end up going out. I got a text from Adrian asking if I felt like kicking back with him and Maniac...
I considered the offer 1) because Adrian is a hot little shit 2) cause the thought of getting something in me sounds really good ( I mean dope, pervs, not dick) 3) because Casey is asleep and I'm b-o-r-e-d.
I have vowed not to do any speed and Ade promised dilaudid if I ventured out the front door. I don't have to drive, I don't hafta babysit and I don't hafta worry about gakked out cunts getting in my face. So if everything sounds so cherry, why the fuck am I in the back of some random Bronco at 1am, making my way towards Cuba?
Yeah He forgot to mention that he's been staying in Loco's crack-den and that the stash of injectables is there.
So I'm riding back here with him next to me, writing this on Maniac's new mini and wishing we weren't already 45 minutes down the 550. He looks damn fine tho and is being his usual adorable self. Joker is driving and Maniac is in the front, enjoying the fact that for once, I'm in the back. I'm cranky and feel like I might commit cholo-cide before the night is over. To top it off he keeps playing his crap music and if I hafta take much more Pitbull, I'm gonna lose it!
The thought of sidling past Loco holds little appeal as I'm fairly sure that Cap'n Save-a-ho is gonna take offense as soon as he realizes I'm hangin with Ade for the night. This is gonna be a blast, I can already tell. Perhaps I will cozy up to the Cap'n just long enough to score some rock, I did promise no crissy and I'm gonna need something to dull the senses. Don't know if I trust getting loaded around him, I've been molested in my sleep too many times and I don't feel like I need to add another to the list.
I suppose we'll see what happens when I get there. I have no doubt that Adrian will try and ride to my rescue and get a screwdriver in the neck for his efforts...right between the sexy Black Flag bars I love so much!*sigh* I'm really hoping I don't hafta make nice with Loco to avoid unpleasantness, I mean blood might be fun but not when it's gushing out of Ade's jugular. Maniac is too much of a pussy to go against his cousin and Jokes is too loyal so I'm basically fucked. Let's just hope that remains figurative and not literal, Casey will have kittens if I get tainted by cholos (or anyone for that matter). Oh well, I guess Fat Mike could always use some brothers and sisters hahahaha, I think I'm getting a lil hysterical, I just giggled out loud and Ade looks concerned. I better wrap this up, we're almost there. I'll update later if I am able.
Wish me luck.
The thus far unsullied by cholos Melody Lee
Ugh forgot to post this but fuck it, it's up now.

Pain for for the sake of hurtin' and some questions answered

Well I'm back sorta and I guess I should write now......er yeah I'll think of something. I'm debating a trip to Durango next weekend because Adrian's dilaudid connect is s'posed to be getting a FAT package of Mex brown from Cali and I don't think I'm quite strong enough to resist. We'll see...
It's funny that I called myself a masochist in my last voice blog because I never really considered myself to be one. Though I guess in technical terms a masochist isn't the same thing as a submissive. Sub I am NOT! I dig pain tho....sometimes but it has to be mutually and spontaneously inflicted, none of that master and servant crap, that's just lame! I have an unhealthy fascination with blood but that's probly normal considering what it means to an H addict. Most of us equate blood with a shot so of course it's gonna be attractive.
I bring up the masochist thing because if you think about it, this constant roller coaster I'm on is the definition of glutton for punishment. I wait just long enough to feel ok and then I run right out and cop another bag, knowing that in a couple days it'll start all over. Stupid me but whatever, in my mind the end justifies the means and until I feel differently, things are gonna continue that way. I don't really care what anyone else thinks of this cycle, cause for the most part, I don't really care what anyone else thinks period! I'm selfish and my own opinion is what's important.
I get so much shit for the stuff I write and yet....I could just write nothing. I choose to open myself up to ugly criticism out of some hyper-need for attention that probably has a psychological root that I'm unwilling to recognize because I believe psychology to be "..the disease for which it claims to be the cure" ~Krauss
Not really but I fucking love the way that sounds and it suits my purpose. I tend to adore anything that suits my purpose and also succeeds in offending people without any real effort.
So I haven't answered alot of my comments and I thought to address some now.
For the record, Gleds is right, I don't enjoy beating people up....ok that's a lie but just because I like to scrap doesn't mean I go around picking on innocent bystanders. There's a big fucking difference between being a bully and not taking people's shit. If you would care to look back over my previous fight episodes, you'll see that I rarely start these things. I just step it up, instead of exchanging dirty looks for an hour, I confront the issue head on. If they persist in being assholes then I just clock 'em in the mouth, can't say I didn't give fair and ample warning.
There's nothing wrong with aggression, it's misplaced aggression that causes problems. You won't ever catch me beating down old grannies because they looked at me sideways. It's the bitches who imagine themselves to be hard as fuck and use that belief to try and intimidate me that get my attention. I'm not saying that I'm a badder bitch than everyone else, on the contrary, I've gotten my ass beat PLENTY of times, it's just that I haven't let it scare me. So I get the shit kicked outta me, so what? At least I stood up for myself.
That's one thing you learn early on in this game, you get more respect for taking the beating than you do for running away. I learned it well because it's hard enough for girls to get respect in the drug world as it is. You don't rat, you don't run from fights (unless you're getting shot at) and you don't bang your connects for dope, it's bad for business. Even when I was working the street I never fucked the connects, I never had to. I'd built up a good enough rep to get credit if I needed it and that was because of the things listed above.
So yeah, I'm a scrappy bitch but I'm not a bully and as Rufus pointed out, why the fuck should any of these anons care what I do with my time and money? If they had it their way most of 'em would see me incarcerated or expired of some communicable disease. Too bad God ain't listenin bitches, try those prayers another day....no offense Brother Frankie, that wasn't directed at you.
Oh and Regi, I see what you're saying but am a bit worried that your vagina doesn't feel clean to begin with. Showers are your friend, never forget that. Just kidding Reg, I'm sure your vag smells like petunias, whatever that smells like.
Skillz, girl, we def have a lot in common, I'd hate to see the havoc if we ever ended up in the same zip code haha. I take that back I'd LOVE to see it!
Oh and Rufus, I expect to see photos of you in your new "cooze" themed shirt!
So there we are, I managed to fill yet another post with nothing and still make it worth reading, is that talent or what? Oh and anons, before you go off about what a talent-less bitch I am, remind yourself that you read this through and through. Even if you hate me, you still read me and that's a notch in my attention whoring belt, whether you choose to believe it or not.
Adios muthafuckas,
XOXO
~Melody Lee

Never underestimate a horny, lonely man with a wallet full of credit cards and a hard-on!

The title of this post reflects the answer I gave a male friend of mine who asked the naive question, "Why the fuck would someone pay for phonesex?"
He was somewhat disturbed to think that every time I turn on my lines I get at least 15 calls in a 4 hour period (sometimes less if they last longer). Of course I have multiple listings and a pretty solid customer base but I still get a fair amount of new callers.
The whole concept seemed to bother him and although he was sitting right beside me as I took these calls, he still found it hard to believe that men would pay good money to essentially jerk themselves off to what amounts to an interactive porno.
I gave him the answer cited above and proceeded to take one of the most fucked-up hilarious humiliation calls EVER! I'm pretty much shameless in everything I do, so verbally abusing masturbating morons in front of an audience is no sweat haha, I'm awesome like that. I'm going to show you the text from my fem-domme listing to give you an idea of what a caller to that particular line can expect and let you marvel at the fact that they read it and still place the call. After that is a transcript of the call that resulted in the icky pic at the bottom of this post. Anyone who is offended by the sight of unattractive penises and wrapping materials should stop reading now. Heh, that's what I thought you pervy sons a bitches, scrolled right down didn'tcha? Don't sweat it, I'd a done the same, read on.
Listing text:

Don't let my cutesy listing fool you. I'll shred whatever scrap of self esteem you have and sound totally sweet the whole time I'm doing it.
That's right I'll be sweet as pie...as I'm making you wish you were never born! Come and play with me, see how long it takes for me to OWN your bitch ass! I'm a born switch, especially when it comes to pathetic losers like you, I just can't help myself. It takes a real man to top this bitch and all I see here is chicken shit!
You're the kind of fucktard that has nothing better to do than troll Niteflirt looking at all the women he can never hope to get. You've been reduced to paying girls for talk and even then you can't hide the fact that you're an utter waste of space. HAH,I can smell L-O-S-E-R from the moment I answer the phone, which is kinda sad but mostly funny. Can you really blame me for laughing at you? Take a look in the mirror, you pin-dick sack of dog crap! YOU are a sorry excuse for a man and it's no wonder women mock you.
You've been getting the shit kicked out of you your whole life and it's warped you into a sexual deviant who's itty-bitty dick gets hard when a girl humiliates him! Don't try and deny it, your inadequate genitalia is even now attempting to rise as you read this. Worthless, poorly endowed AND impotent? Aren't you a fucking prize! Haha, I wouldn't fuck you with someone else's vagina!
Quite the social retard aren't you? If you can find the balls(tho I sincerely doubt you possess any), pick up the phone and call me, I'll show you what I'm all about. Oh and you better start explaining yourself as soon as I answer the line, give me something worth laughing at or I'll hang up on you. My time is valuable and you're not paying me NEARLY enough to tolerate a trembling wimp who can't find the courage to speak up. Got it?

Ribbon call:
Me: Tell me what I wanna hear jerk-off, before I hang up on you.
Caller: My name is Dave, I'm a 44 year old virgin wimp loser. I'm really a loser, this is not a fantasy for me, not role play, this is my pathetic life and I can only think about girls treating me like total crap, I really have no life, no friends, no love life, I sit around in my apartment all day and surf the Internet for femdom sites and call niteflirt.
Ideally I'm looking for a girl who can get inside my head and learn all my weaknesses so she can completely destroy my self-esteem. I beg you to really hurt me physically and mentally. I'm into femdom and humiliation, but not into gay or bi sex or into feminization.
Me:Well Dav-id, I have been known to be a lil vicious, especially when dealing with pathetic, couch potato,wastes of space, like yourself. From what you've told me, it's no wonder you're still a virgin, to tell you the truth, I'm kinda surprised you don't still live with your parents.
Caller: I know princess, I don't deserve your attention. I don't deserve the privilege of hearing your beautiful voice....
Me: Shut the fuck up retard! Did I say you could speak? Since you're so eager to use your mouth why don't you come over here and clean my shoe? I think I stepped in dog shit earlier and I figure you hafta be good for something. Crawl over here and lick the shit off the bottom of my shoe!
Caller: *panting* YES PRINCESS! *slurping noises*
Me: Let me tell you something D for dickless .....OH MY GOD! Are you touching yourself??? You disgusting little worm! Stop that immediately before I go get my boyfriend to come and show you what a real dick looks like. Your shit is so tiny it's not even a small penis, it's a big clit, take your thumb and forefinger off of it or I'll burn it off with my cigarette and end this problem once and for all!
Caller: *wheezing* YES PRINCESS! Please forgive me, I'll do anything you say I'll....
Me: I know that you moron, I own every inch of you, from your receding hairline to the tips of your smelly toes. Ugh, that's a pretty picture! The image of you masturbating is...*gag* I just vomited in my mouth *spitting noise* Eat it!
Caller:*slurp*
Me: Say thank you, bitch!
Caller: Oh thank you princess I..
Me: Nauseating little twerp, as penance for being such a fucking idiot, you will tie a ribbon around your hideous little weenis and mail it to me so I can post it on my blog and show everyone what a sissy loser you are.
Caller: On your blog? Noooooo, I beg you princess...
Me: NOW GEEK!
Caller: Y-yesss p-princess.
Me: I'm over this, you should tribute me just for wasting my precious time with your ridiculous panting! My friends are gonna die laughing when I show it to them, they love hearing about my nf losers. I'm not surprised girls can see you for the dickless wimp you are, Christ, I really can smell failure and desperation from here!
15 minutes later:
Caller: Thank you Princess, that was a great call. I have attached a pic of my little dick with a ribbon and will send it now.
Me: Good dog, now go and fetch me feedback that says Princess M owns Dickless Dave. 5stars, BITCH! I'll be posting your pic soon. *click*
E-mail from caller with attached pic : Yes Princess M, just did so.



So for those of you bemoaning the fact that I've been neglecting my updates and stories, there ya go haha, my gift to you. An absurdly long post with a gag-worthy dick-pic attached, am I outstanding or what?
Mmmhmm, yeah, I'll back later. Count on it.
MUAH!
~Melody Lee, your Fem-domme for all seasons.

Just a lil audible verbal vomit for your listening pleasure

If anyone didn't hear the first a-fucking-mazing recording I did while under the influence of my darling friend H, click on the My Blog thing on the bottom left corner of the widget and it will take you where you wanna go. I'll be back eventually, probly write something too, you never can tell. OK kids, I'm a long gone momma....in so many ways haha.
~Melody

NOT-so-little red riding hood-rat aka the second half of my catfight episode

So I was leaning on the couch arm, trying to ignore the other two bitches in the room. It was getting kinda hard though, Gabby's friend kept saying things under her breath. That shit irritates the hell outta me! I was trying to be good, telling myself that R-man had his cash and my services weren't gonna be needed but that goddamned muttering was driving me up the wall! Combined with the looks she was shooting at me when she thought I wasn't looking, it was getting REAL hard to stay cool. Maniac was watching the whole thing in between hits, nodding at me and mouthing "Do it, you know you want to." He came over and crouched down on the floor in front of me so we could talk without being too obvious, "Check it out homegirl, that bitch it talkin' shit, you gonna let her disrespect you like that?"
I rolled my eyes at him and said, "I know what your trying to do pendejo, you just wanna see us scrap!"
He laughed, "So what? Go show that india what's up, I know you want to. Mira, look she's doing it again, damn girl you just gonna sit here? You need to go regulate."
I stood up and stretched,"What I need to do is get the fuck outta this stank ass trailer! It smells like dog shit in here." I said it loud enough to be heard by everyone in said trailer. Maniac smiled at me and stood up, his work was done...fucker!
The Navajo girl looked past me to R-man and said, "Hey, why don't you guys get the fuck outta here? You did what you came to do, now split. I don't know what you're trying to prove bringing this bitch up in here."
R-man ignored her, more concerned with his pipe that anything else.I reached over, plucked the cigg from behind his ear, lit it and said, "You got something to say to me girl? I'm standing right fucking here..."
She heaved herself up and kept talking at Rainman, "What the fuck? You cruise in here like you got something to prove, you need to get the fuck on."
I got to my feet and moved to stand in front of R-man,"You need to sit the fuck down, shut your mouth and mind your business. This shit don't concern you."
She walked towards me, "Fuck that, this is my homegirl's place, I'm making it my business."
I just shook my head and smiled, "Bitch you don't have a clue, your homegirl is lucky she didn't get her ass beat. She should be grateful I don't do it anyway, just for wasting my time."
I leaned back on the couch arm, passed my cigg to Maniac and took the pipe from R-man, taking a long hit. I waved my hand in her direction as if dismissing her, "You needs to piss off."
She walked up to me, "Who the fuck you think you are, coming in here acting all hard?" She looked over my shoulder at R-man,"What the fuck, you bring her in here like she's the big bad wolf or something, fuck that."
I took another hit and handed the pipe back, pushing off the couch I blew a cloud of cryssy in her face and drawled, "Bitch I will blow you motherfucking house down!." I hafta say I was extremely proud of that comeback, it was damn good, probly one of my best but I was losing patience and getting tired of all this back and forth shit so I followed it with,"Sit the fuck down and shut your hole, before I shut it for you!"
She opened her mouth to say something else and I just shook my head and clocked her one right in the face. She didn't see it coming and it stunned her for a minute.
What happened right after is kinda blurry but I remember ending up on the floor and trying to keep her from using her weight to pin me down. I put my knee in her gut and kept socking her in the head, just trying to keep her off me. That girl was way HEAVY! She got me good on the side of the face and busted my lip with her elbow.
I jabbed her in the throat and she went to the side trying to keep me from doing it again (getting punched in the throat is a motherfucker, believe you me) and I managed to get out from under her. I was tasting blood and it pissed me off, I spit it at her face and said, "Stupid cooze, you busted my fucking lip!"
She was still re-learning how to breathe, so I got to my feet and kicked her in the side. I looked up and Maniac was on the edge of his seat, grinning at me, R-man was rolling his eyes and Gabby was nowhere to be seen. I spat on the floor and saw that she was trying to lever her big self up so I kicked her again for good measure. I leaned over and dribbled blood in her face and she grabbed one of my legs and knocked me on my ass.
This set off another bout of grappling where she resorted to hair pulling, stupid cunt. I HATE girly fights! If your gonna scrap, why bother with all that shit, get to swinging or piss off! Lame-ass bitch!
She ripped out a chunk of my hair and scratched the shit outta my neck. I clocked her in the face a few times and then wrapped my fingers in her greasy mop and started pounding her head against the corner of the coffee table. I think I busted it open because I heard Maniac say, "OH SHIT!" and he and R-man came over and pulled us apart.
They got me up and wouldn't let me go (I was trying to kick her in the face), I elbowed Maniac in the ribs and he dragged me out the door. He took me to the car, sat me on the trunk and started laughing, jumping back when I tried to kick him in the balls. I was NOT pleased! I don't like leaving shit undone, it doesn't matter if it ends with me getting pulverized, it needs to be OVER!
I've gotten beat within an inch of my life by guys twice her size, I'm not afraid of an ass kicking, what I don't like is unfinished business.
Rainman came out of the trailer and handed me his pipe, I was feeling a lil wilted and it fixed me right up haha. We got in the car, me riding shotgun (as usual) and went back to R-man's place. Maniac kept up a running commentary the whole ride, highlighting key moments of my little tussle. I just leaned back and smoked it up, the cryssy keeping any aches and pains at bay. There was a dull throbbing on the left side of my face and my lip felt puffy but that was about it, nothing really hurt.
We got to the homestead and R-man presented me with a fat sack of meth and a new point, bless his heart. I went into the bathroom, fixed it up and managed to thread a vein on the top of my left hand. That shit burned like the devil but it didn't matter, the rush was on and I was oblivious to anything but the chemicals running through me, stealing my breath and making me feel like I was in free fall.
As soon as I was able to function, I went to the mirror and took inventory of all my ouchies. I had a HUGE bruise forming on my left cheek and my lip was split, inside and out. I had scratches behind my right ear, curving down the side of my neck, almost to my collar bone. All in all it wasn't too bad. Casey was gonna shit when he saw me though.
I ended up getting home just before he woke up. I slipped into bed seconds before the alarm went off and tried to play dead. He woke up, turned on the light and started getting dressed. I though I was gonna get away with it when I heard, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOUR FACE?"
I would have buried my head in the pillow but it hurt too much, so I opened one eye and said, "I didn't do shit." He rolled his eyes and started sermonizing about crazy bitches who come home black and blue. Fine thing coming from a motherfucker who gets in more brawls than anyone I know.
I pulled the covers over my head and said nothing, he still hasn't asked me what really went down. He just knows I didn't get smacked around by a dude, which is what he really cares about. He knows if I get into it with some broad, it's on me. Fuck, even if I scrapped with some guy, I think it would still be on me but he doesn't see it that way. Haha, old fashioned I guess.
So that's it, I've got some snaps of me all bruised up, I might put 'em up later. I just started taking this weird med cocktail of Lyrica, Neurontin and Percocet (with a lil oxy thrown in for good measure), so I'll probly be posting all kinds of crazy shit. That stuff is INSANE! It makes me feel like I'm on H and mescaline, all fucked in the head, it's dreeeeaaamy!
Anyway, I'm outta here, I'll see all y'all mothafuckas later, I need to go do...something. Oh and I'm finally getting my ink, Mario is gonna drill on me next week. He's gonna finish the stars and do the stitches around my wrist, it's gonna look cool as fuck! I haven't done any H since last weekend but I get paid in 2 days and I'm pretty sure I'll be headed to Espanola as soon as I hit the bank on Friday, it's inevitable. I'm a fiend, what can I say? As long as the bills are paid, who cares what I spend my cash on anyway?
So I'm out, kisses and all that other shit, try not to get too excited. XOXO
~Melody Lee

The shallow end of the gene pool.

So Anna is one of my best friends but I make no excuses for her crazy ass sister. I haven't actually seen Margaret since we all lived with Butch but I remember her juuuust fine. She was this strange hybrid of heroin slamming cock tease and religious zealot. We used to call her Attila the nun.
She would spend the whole day out hustling for dope and then nod out over her bible at night. God had told her it was wrong to fuck out of wedlock but I guess he was a bit more understanding when it came to shooting dope. Hey if being a fiend falls into a grey area, who the fuck am I to say any different?
Anyway, she routinely let guys of our acquaintance think they were gonna get laid but then heard God calling her to prayer at the critical moment. On a side note, God was just fine about letting her take as long as she needed to fix, considerate no?
So a while back I was talking to another friend and he told me that when she lived with him she would get loaded and wax philosophical. You know, about the usual things, life, death, religion, messages from God in Duran Duran songs. Yes you read that right, MESSAGES FROM GOD IN MOTHERFUCKING DURAN DURAN S-O-N-G-S!
Apparently Rio is a metaphor for original sin, Girls on Film is about greed and Hungry Like the Wolf is alluding to the search for proof of the divine.
Uh no bitch, her name is Rio and she dances on the sand, I'd say it doesn't go much deeper than that. Girls on film is pretty damn self explanatory and who knows what the fuck Hungry like the Wolf is about but I think I can safely say it's not the search for salvation.
No disrespect to Simon LeBon and crew but crafty theologians they ain't!
I suppose people can interpret things any way they like, I myself am capable of rationalizing and justifying just about anything you can throw at me but come the fuck on! Duran Duran? Really?
The bitch is clearly off her rocker and I am fully qualified to judge heheh. Just because there was a giant angel in Barbarella and a guy called Duran Duran...
OK, wait now maybe....
Nah, fuck that noise! She is batshit insane and last I heard she became a dental assistant because God wanted her to clean peoples teeth. Too bad he didn't see fit to remind her to brush her own before they all fell out.
So yeah, I was thinking about all that and thought I would share it with you. You can thank me some other time but really it was my pleasure :)
Besides, it gave me a brief respite from having to plow through the second half of my catfight episode. La-zyyyyyy!
Kisses,
~Melody

Intermission...

Even my tits are strungout heh.

Yeah I promised the rest of the story but I feel like shit and I'm not about to go into all that right now. What I am in the mood for is a little anon bashing. They never tire of spouting their judgemental verbal vomit but luckily I never tire of injecting (heheh,really!), my opinion into their mindless comments. I really kinda have to, just to keep things interesting. I wonder.....have my predictions come true? Have self-satisfied douchbags the world over actually started to sound alike? Perhaps it's that they are sooooo fucking inept that they have to go through my previous posts and find a comment to copy and paste, too lethargic in their cocoon of smug self-righteousness to come up with something original. I would looove to think that it's the same idiot over and over, that would be too, too perfect but not very likely.
I mean, who the fuck is that retarded? It's bad enough that these people have nothing better to do than troll my pages looking for something to get pissy about!
I know I give people more than enough reasons to hate me, it's what I do. I am magnificent in my beneficence heheh, I bestow a gift of adventure and debauchery that leaves no visible marks. People are free to live vicariously through me without any physical risk to themselves.
No tracks on your lily white arms, no cuts, bruises or black marks staining your pristine souls...fuckwads! If you can't see the beauty in that you can go curl up in bed (no doubt located in your mother's basement) and jerk it to your Comicon '09 photo journal. Don't think to condescend to me with your untouchable attitude, I see right through you.
One hour of my "wasted" existence is worth a lifetime of yours and if I never see the wrong side of 35 it'll have been worth it!
Whatever, I'm over it. I don't have to explain shit to anybody, that's the luxury of being a self indulgent cunt. I can do and say what the fuck I want and when it's all said and done...you can go fuck yourself. Your opinion means less than nothing to this bitch.
Don't flatter yourselves into thinking I'm pissed either, I'm not, just bored with your lack of imagination. Not that's it comes as any surprise, sad to say.
What it comes down to is this :

You can try and lump me in to whatever category you like but at the end of the day you basically know shit about who I really am. You know what I tell you or in the case of a rather determined stalker from IL, what you snooped on the Internet.

Fuck it, I'm done with this, bored to tears and my heart just isn't in it tonight. I can't produce a scathingly brilliant post in this condition, so I'm not even going to try. I'll be back tomorrow..probly.
XO to everybody who isn't a fucktard, even if you live in your parent's basement and play WoW all day hahaha.
~Melody Lee

Oh no.....Must be the Season of the Bitch!

Just wait, this^^ becomes relevant later on.

Well, I'm not in lock-up, just lazy. I'm sure you can tell from the date that I started this over a week ago and just now got it done. So this is what happened after my last post.

When I climbed into the car Rainman was behind the wheel and Maniac was in the back hitting the glass as usual. I took control of the stereo and replaced R-man's Seasons in the Abyss with some TSOL, it seemed to suit my mood. I crawled over the seats into the back to keep lame-o cholo company...oh and to smoke the motherfucker's speed.
It was kinda hot that night and if I hadn't been intent on putting an end to my hellacious come down, I definitely wouldn't have been rubbing against the sweaty fucktard sitting next to me. The lowered disco-mobile is free of modern conveniences like air conditioning and Maniac had taken his shirt off. I sat as far from him as possible, making snarky comments about douchebags covered in prison ink who have never seen the inside of a reception dorm. He countered with some semi-clever remarks about junky cradle robbers during which I snatched the pipe out of his hand and threatened to chuck it out the window. This set off a wrestling match that got me covered in homie sweat and the pipe lost under the front seat. R-man reached into the backseat and started swatting at us shouting, "Goddamn it, stop that shit or I'll pull this car over right now! Do you hear me? Right now I said!"
We paused, looked at each other and laughed, "Yes Papi." Maniac located the pipe and we concerned ourselves with the smoking of the speed. In between hits of cryysy we sniped at each other until Rainman cranked the volume on the stereo to drown us out. I contented myself with making faces and obscene gestures and settled back to enjoy the sweet sounds of "Code Blue". Me immature? Not on your life! I just like being obnoxious while singing about fucking dead people.
By the time we reached our destination we'd started grappling again. R-man opened the door and grumbled impatiently as I planted my feet in Maniac's chest and launched him out of the back seat and into the dirt. He got up and lunged at me, trying to wrap his hands around my throat but Rainman grabbed him around the waist and kept him off me.
I took my time climbing out of the car and smirked at M, singing out, "I WIIIIN!"
He struggled to get to me and R-man gasped out, "Christ on a cracker woman, stop pokin at him, damn sweaty mez-kin is slicker than a greased pig!"
I almost pissed myself I was laughing so hard! Between Rainman's comment, the look on Maniac's face and the speed in my system, I'm surprised I didn't have some kind of spasticated seizure! It took me a minute to pull myself together and and get the giggles under control. Maniac gave me a disgusted look and said, "Whatchu laffin' at puta, you're just as Mez-kin as I am!"
One look at that face and the dirt stuck all over his stupid ass and I started laughing all over again. I leaned against the car trying to catch my breath and told him to quit pouting, I needed concentrate on why the fuck I there in the first place.
The meth savant filled me in on the details:

1)Gabby owed him close to a thou and had been ducking him for weeks.
2)She had finally called and told him she had most of the cash.
3)If she didn't have at least two thirds of the total amount, I could kick the shit
outta her with his blessing.

My mood had improved considerably since he had first called and asked me to do it but I figured what the hell, I was already there. We walked up to the trailer and climbed the steps, she already knew we were there and the door opened before I could knock on it.
A Navajo girl the size of an Andy Gump outhouse ushered us in, shooting dirty looks in my direction. I smiled sweetly and went to lean on arm of the couch, the trailer smelled worse than it had the last time I was there, if that was possible. I think every dog in New Mexico had taken turns alternately pissing and shitting in that hell hole! Gabby was nowhere to be seen and Rainman sent Maniac to look for her.
He came back, hag-ula in tow and she flung a paper bag on the coffee table. R-man told her to dump it out and count it. She did and came up with something like $800bucks, she handed it to him.
While all this was going on Maniac had made himself comfortable on the couch and started watching TV and smoking it up. Filthy motherfucker, that couch was so rank it could have crawled away on it's own! Rainman put the money away, pulled out a bag of cryssy and scooped some onto the coffee table before settling back to hit his own pipe. Ugh, that fucking couch was NASTY!!!
Gabby eyed the offering hesitantly and said she didn't have any more money. I took the glass from R-man's hand, hit it and said, "He didn't ask for any you dumb cunt, say thank you."
Maniac snickered and the port-a-crapper disguised as a Navajo girl started muttering under her breath....

Umm, I'm gonna post the rest tomorrow because this is one long muthafuckin story and it's probly better if I break it up. Maniac descended on my household last night and spent the better part of the morning getting wired and cleaning his guns. The house has that old familiar smell of tweek, gun oil and sweaty Mez-kin haha. I gotta go fumigate while I'm still inclined to do so, I decided not to smoke but ended up getting high off the fluffy white clouds of cryssy floating through house. I will clean and then spend the rest of the day laying in bed watching movies, eating percocet and waiting for my heart to stop palpitating so I can sleep.
XOXO
~Melody