Friday, August 28, 2009

Pain for for the sake of hurtin' and some questions answered

Well I'm back sorta and I guess I should write yeah I'll think of something. I'm debating a trip to Durango next weekend because Adrian's dilaudid connect is s'posed to be getting a FAT package of Mex brown from Cali and I don't think I'm quite strong enough to resist. We'll see...
It's funny that I called myself a masochist in my last voice blog because I never really considered myself to be one. Though I guess in technical terms a masochist isn't the same thing as a submissive. Sub I am NOT! I dig pain tho....sometimes but it has to be mutually and spontaneously inflicted, none of that master and servant crap, that's just lame! I have an unhealthy fascination with blood but that's probly normal considering what it means to an H addict. Most of us equate blood with a shot so of course it's gonna be attractive.
I bring up the masochist thing because if you think about it, this constant roller coaster I'm on is the definition of glutton for punishment. I wait just long enough to feel ok and then I run right out and cop another bag, knowing that in a couple days it'll start all over. Stupid me but whatever, in my mind the end justifies the means and until I feel differently, things are gonna continue that way. I don't really care what anyone else thinks of this cycle, cause for the most part, I don't really care what anyone else thinks period! I'm selfish and my own opinion is what's important.
I get so much shit for the stuff I write and yet....I could just write nothing. I choose to open myself up to ugly criticism out of some hyper-need for attention that probably has a psychological root that I'm unwilling to recognize because I believe psychology to be "..the disease for which it claims to be the cure" ~Krauss
Not really but I fucking love the way that sounds and it suits my purpose. I tend to adore anything that suits my purpose and also succeeds in offending people without any real effort.
So I haven't answered alot of my comments and I thought to address some now.
For the record, Gleds is right, I don't enjoy beating people up....ok that's a lie but just because I like to scrap doesn't mean I go around picking on innocent bystanders. There's a big fucking difference between being a bully and not taking people's shit. If you would care to look back over my previous fight episodes, you'll see that I rarely start these things. I just step it up, instead of exchanging dirty looks for an hour, I confront the issue head on. If they persist in being assholes then I just clock 'em in the mouth, can't say I didn't give fair and ample warning.
There's nothing wrong with aggression, it's misplaced aggression that causes problems. You won't ever catch me beating down old grannies because they looked at me sideways. It's the bitches who imagine themselves to be hard as fuck and use that belief to try and intimidate me that get my attention. I'm not saying that I'm a badder bitch than everyone else, on the contrary, I've gotten my ass beat PLENTY of times, it's just that I haven't let it scare me. So I get the shit kicked outta me, so what? At least I stood up for myself.
That's one thing you learn early on in this game, you get more respect for taking the beating than you do for running away. I learned it well because it's hard enough for girls to get respect in the drug world as it is. You don't rat, you don't run from fights (unless you're getting shot at) and you don't bang your connects for dope, it's bad for business. Even when I was working the street I never fucked the connects, I never had to. I'd built up a good enough rep to get credit if I needed it and that was because of the things listed above.
So yeah, I'm a scrappy bitch but I'm not a bully and as Rufus pointed out, why the fuck should any of these anons care what I do with my time and money? If they had it their way most of 'em would see me incarcerated or expired of some communicable disease. Too bad God ain't listenin bitches, try those prayers another offense Brother Frankie, that wasn't directed at you.
Oh and Regi, I see what you're saying but am a bit worried that your vagina doesn't feel clean to begin with. Showers are your friend, never forget that. Just kidding Reg, I'm sure your vag smells like petunias, whatever that smells like.
Skillz, girl, we def have a lot in common, I'd hate to see the havoc if we ever ended up in the same zip code haha. I take that back I'd LOVE to see it!
Oh and Rufus, I expect to see photos of you in your new "cooze" themed shirt!
So there we are, I managed to fill yet another post with nothing and still make it worth reading, is that talent or what? Oh and anons, before you go off about what a talent-less bitch I am, remind yourself that you read this through and through. Even if you hate me, you still read me and that's a notch in my attention whoring belt, whether you choose to believe it or not.
Adios muthafuckas,
~Melody Lee