Friday, May 22, 2009
The long weekend starts now.
The Murder Junkies played the night after Butch's funeral. The tattoo Anna got in memory of Butch>>.
Well I'm still alive. I have been on one hell of a run and that combined with the recent loss of Butch has made me lethargic and unable to concentrate on the computer long enough to write anything worthwhile. I'm kicking as of today and that usually kicks my muse in the ass, if nothing else, I will be posting reams of foul tempered, opinionated craaaaaap, so that's something I suppose.
I just did my last shot and I already feel the panic kicking in, you would think that I would sit back and savor it but nooooooooooooo. I have to dwell on the fact that by this time tomorrow I will wish I were dead. Oh well, it's no big thang and it will be over soon...even if it seems like every minute lasts an ETERNITY!!! I got my refill of Percocet and and higher dose of Neurontin, so it won't be too bad, just irritating.
In the last month I have driven over 4,000 miles back and forth to Espanola and it's time to take a break. It has been dreamy but my habit has increased by leaps and bounds, where I used to stay wasted all day off a tiny shot, it now takes a ridiculous amount for me to catch a nod. We have been going through about a G a day and it's getting crazy expensive. For the first time in my life I am reluctant to liquidate everything I own for the sake of H. Could it be maturity and responsibility rearing their ugly heads at last? Pffft, doubtful!
I have some photos taken on the long road to Espanola and I will undoubtedly post those in short order. I may even delve back into the past and pull out some more of my ever amusing war stories...perhaps something involving Butch. I miss that motherfucker something fierce....
Anna has had something resembling a nervous breakdown following the news of his death, she is slowly but surely regaining her wits but it will definitely take some time. I think getting the memorial tattoo helped her accept that he was gone. I haven't been much help to her seeing as how alot of her distress revolves around a crisis of faith (she's catholic), and my views on God, death etc are far from comforting. I don't really understand, I'm extremely comforted by my idea of God but that's me. I refuse to believe that God has nothing better to do than punish people for meaningless indescretions. Has anyone ever seriously thought about how utterly stupid it sounds to say that someone is condemned to eternal damnation....for saying God damn it? It is beyond preposterous and I truly think that a deity has more pressing matters to deal with than serial blasphemy.
Anyway, I won't get started in that direction, I'm sure the last thing anyone wants is a 10,000 word rant on organized religion and the stupidity thereof.
To answer some of my comments,
~The guy in the photo with Butch is the lead singer from DOA.
~The "Ho" is still here and I have no plans of vacating anytime soon.
~Richie is currently in a men's home but will be completing his program in the next couple months. He got a year and a year, as did Eric. I can't wait to see them when they get out. Haha, mah babies!
So I think that's it for now, I need to try and get some enjoyment out of this last poke and it ain't gonna happen while I'm sitting in front of the computer. Love ya kids, your Melody Lee, after all who else would have me?