Ahhh, 6am. What a Godless fucking hour. One of the things I hate about being (mostly) sober is the fact that I can't sleep for shit! I always heard that after being a Heroin addict you are never really able to sleep right again. In my case this has proven to be too true. I'm lucky if I get four hours a night, even if I do it's never all at once. Unfair! There is nothing more cruel than taking away the ability to sleep from someone who has spent the majority of the last ten years semi-comatose. I brought it on myself you say? Fuck you anyway smart ass.
It has recently been brought to my attention that I could be doing sooo much more to improve myself. I could go out into the community and make myself available to people who need help. I could volunteer at a school, help the sick, feed the poor. Who the fuck am I, Jesus? It was really difficult to keep my trap shut after hearing that load of crapola. I was nodding like a fucking bobble-head, biting my tongue the whole time. If one thing could be furthest from my mind, it's making myself useful to others. I'm barely useful to myself for fuck sake.
Can you really see me volunteering at a school? I mean REALLY? What a god damned nightmare that would be. I have nothing against kids, for the most part we get along but I am highly allergic to bullshit . Imagine what would happen when some kid asked me what I did back in Cali? How I felt about drugs? Well kid, I was a street whore and I think drugs are about the only thing that might possibly make this place bearable.
The shit would undoubtedly hit the fan. I guess I might be good at telling kids the truth about being a junky but what about the end, when I sum up by saying that all that hardship showed me the error of my ways and that I will never do drugs again. Horseshit!
So you see why I feel that my talents would be better wasted at home, as God intended. The only services I would be able to offer my community are accompanied by a healthy fee, paid up front of course. I'm sure my past in the hospitality field would prove useful and much appreciated by some.
In the case of my self-righteous lecturer however, I think not. I'm sure you've figured out that this barrage of nonsense was offered up by none other than my beloved C. If he knew what my contribution to this town would entail, I bet he'd keep his brilliant suggestions to himself. I'm content to keep doin' what I do, JACK SHIT MOTHAFUCKAS!
Love y'all. Melody
