Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Richie Chronicles Continue: I Am Brought Low by a Traitorous Door

Me being...difficult.
Personally I think I look tired and slightly amused but according to everyone else who was present I was showing definite signs of bitchiness. Can you blame me?
I had spent the last hour applying way too much makeup, watching the boys play with my pics and marveling at the speed with which Rainman was trucking in and out of the house. Poor R-man was wired beyond all comprehension, well and truly spegakked! He'd been gibbering some nonsense at me but in his condition I was only able to catch the gist of what he was trying so desperately to communicate. Maniac was too wrapped up in his project to translate so the most I could fathom was that R-man thought my being there with Richie was a bad idea. Hmmm, wonder how he came to that conclusion?
Richie on the other hand had done his damnedest to make sure I KNEW being there was a mistake. He followed me every time I left the room, cornering me every chance he got. Had it not been for Maniac, all would have been lost and believe me, I feel stupid as fuck even saying that. If someone had told me that I'd be relying on that goober to keep me outta trouble, I'd a called em a liar.
But as enchanted as M was with his new software, he made sure to tear himself away anytime I went MIA for more than 10 minutes...God bless him! My hero, the cholo. He didn't have to bother coming up with lame excuses either, he simply said, "Uh-uh, uh-uuuuuuuuh!" whenever he caught Richie trying to maul me. And me close to letting him heh.
I s'pose maul is a strong word but accurate nonetheless. He's still in command of those fast hands I remembered so well and had no qualms in using them. Christ, those hands! Ummm...yeah.
So I was fighting the good fight, doing my best to keep from giving in but at the same time trying to talk myself into something that I knew would end badly. No amount of self delusion would make banging Richie an acceptable delightful as it sounded. I needed to stay strong and get the fuck outta there as soon as humanly possible!
I had thus far resisted the urge to inject myself with speed(tho clouds of it floated through the room at will, making me gakked by association). Me+speed+needles= zero common sense! Divide by Richie and it =maybe just this once. Not a good plan! Just this once would inevitably turn into me waking up the next night in one of Rainman's spare rooms, deliciously bruised, sullied and no doubt searching for my drawers! All the while trying to mentally edit the whole thing into something that would be remotely acceptable to my beloved Casey without being an out and out lie. Ugh! Who have I turned into??!!
*sigh* Being good blows! I have no frame of reference for doing the right thing. I know right from wrong, it's not like I'm a simpleton, mainly I just don't care. I'm used to doing as I please in these (and all) situations and the excuse that R is practically a child was starting to seem like less of an obstacle. He's technically legal and that's what matters...right? Right!
Godamn it! No, not right! Wrong! Verrrrrry wrong! So wrong that as is typical with me, it began to take on an extremely attractive, glowy kind of aura. The kind of thing that is nearly impossible for me to resist, everyone knows that when faced with two paths, I will invariably choose the worst one, sometimes (most times) on purpose. It's part of my charm.
Feeling that I would soon disgrace myself with a man-child who was far too enticing for his and my own good, I did the only thing I could. I ran.
Out from under Richie's arms, into the living room, past the burbling meth savant, swooping in to snatch Maniac off his chair and sweeping us both into the most secure room in the place, Rainman's sleeping quarters.
Ignoring the, "Crazy Puta" muttered by my reluctant cholo sidekick, I locked the bolts,hooked the chains and stuck the raid rods in the floor. Maybe a little extreme but I felt tons better after it was done.
Maniac shook his head in disgust and asked, "Now what? Did you forget you're driving him to Colorado in the morning, pendeja?"
FUCK! I had promised to take Richie to wherever the fuck Adams County is. I probly would have given this problem much more consideration if at that moment Rainman hadn't been rattling the doorknob and chittering like a spider monkey. I shoved Maniac in the direction of the door, strolled calmly to the bathroom...and proceeded to barricade myself in with the pile of boxes/junk on the floor next to the sink.
I wasn't really able to make out what was being said in the other room and a few minutes later I heard the door shut and the locks turn. I was still stacking crap when someone said, "You know this door doesn't lock, right? And it uh...opens out haha." Richie swung the door open a stood there looking adorable and smug.
I took a deep breath...and started laughing, "I give up! You are seriously a pain in my ass! Christ, you make me insane!"
"With lust?" he asked, smirking.
"Fuck off!"
"I'd rather Fu..."
"Don't! That is so not gonna happen!" I shimmied around the mess on my side of the door and brushed past him, deciding I'd had enough of acting like a lame ass girl.
I grabbed him by the back of his pants and pulled him over to Rainman's bed. Pushing him down on it I proceeded to climb him like a jungle gym! Haha, just fucking with ya. I didn't climb shit, more's the pity.
I sat down next to him, punched him in the gut when he tried to grope me and lit one of Rainman's nasty More cigarettes....

I'll finish this up next week, I've given you enough to snicker at for one day haha. I was pretty retarded tho, huh? Also part of my charm :P If a person can't laugh at their own ridiculous antics, he/she is waaaay too uptight!
Enjoy the Gary Glitter on default, I thought it was appropriate considering the pedophile-ish undertones of my post.
Catch y'all later,
~Melody Lee