Anna is not speaking to me a-gain. Quelle surprise. She went through my phone when I was unconscious and found some texts to Casey bitching about her mothering me and some other stuff. In my defense, we were fighting that day. And I'm an asshole. BUT people know better than to go through other people's phones, because you are always gonna find something you aren't gonna like. Fact.
Anyway, I'm sure she'll get over it in a couple years. That bitch can hold a grudge like no other, haha. She doesn't need to be around me anyway, so best that it happened like this. Even if I am sorry her feelings were hurt. I just don't take well to getting woken up and put to bed unless you're planning on fucking me...which I'm assuming she wasn't.
I'm really thinking that no one needs to be around me, as I am a huge wrecker of lives simply by association. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, again it's just a fact. I do a lot of fucked up shit and a lot of drugs and if you're trying to keep your head straight, I am not the friend to have. I won't force anything on you but just know it's likely gonna be present in one form or another. And not everyone is as good at dealing with my insane schedule of: strungout...kicking...chipping...strungout...clean...strungout. It's a bitch of a way to live your life and most just get stuck on the strungout part.
I know everyone makes their own choices but if one of the reasons you're getting high so much is because I have too much time and money to spend on bad things, then yeah, I feel a tiny bit responsible. I mean, if I wasn't buying, you would be at home reading your bible or whatever the fuck you do to keep your brain occupied with un-dope-ish things.
The downside to the solitary existence that I'm suggesting, is that one of these days when I do get carried away, no one is gonna find me for days and ugh, what a fucking mess that will be! It'll make the rotten meat smell from last week seem pleasant by comparison. Unless it happens in the bath or something but...doubtful. I usually only shoot up in the bath when I have someone with me. Otherwise I just do it in the bedroom or at the bathroom counter. Nice! Big, rott-y mucky mess on my bed or slumped in front of the sink. THAT'S a pretty picture. I just bought this fucking bed, too. Blegh.
I suppose I ought to be careful *cough* and practice er...moderation *gag* but this town does not inspire me to do so. It makes me wanna do the stupidest shit imaginable. Like get super wasted. By myself.
Also like fucking around with a fairly sweet guy who I had mentioned months ago but not in detail. He's pretty cool. He's so Goddamned nice to me and where I once thought he was just unaware of my well earned reputation, I find he's fully filled in on the whole, rotten story. He still likes me.
Of course this won't last. Not if I let him have his way and start seeing met and meeting me places for whatever it is people do when they meet for something outside of buying drugs. I don't actually remember what that is but I'm sure it's something very worthwhile. Anyway, as soon as everyone sees him with me, and they will, he is gonna get bombarded with so much well meaning advice that continuing to see me will be a nightmare.
I digress. And I'm done here for now, just another random update that no one was expecting. It's probably the house arrest making me twitchy.
Oh and also: Krokodil pops up in Arizona. Isn't that just fucking awesome? Like there isn't enough bogging my brain down, now I have that to think on? Rad.
xoxo
M.L.
Oh yeah, and in case you were wondering...the above photo is where someone jerked off on a close up of my face, on their computer screen. That's riiiiight. Enjoy that like I did. Well...maybe not that much; you guys don't like him like I do *wink*
