Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Lazarus Effect or I'm Baaaaaaaack! Something Like That.

Before I get started, a quick note on my hair....oh my godamned hair! It's long, very black and very...Christ how to describe it? Anyway, the pics I took were on a night where I decided to indulge Casey's Rockabilly/Pin-up girl fetish and that's it! I already got an earful from Anna for jumping on the RB bandwagon and Regina, who loathes Rockabilly-ish girls is gonna kick my ass. I'm back to myself and am making plans to wreck my Black Dalia look even as I type this. Normal never lasts long around here but how normal is it to look like a broad that got bisected and filleted back in the day? Well it counts for normal in my household and it needs to go! I won’t get started on the emo (ugh emo), pic in the mirror thing or the crap camera I used to take it.
So It’s 15 degrees here right now, roughly 9 am and I decided it was finally time to break my silence. It hasn’t been by choice that I’ve left everyone to wonder about my whereabouts, I really haven’t been able to take care of anything for a long while. I had a couple people check my e-mails but no one responded to anything in my inbox. I dictated some stuff to my facebook (ugh facebook) friend and that was about it.
I’m not gonna get into what I’ve been up to, it’s complicated but it was obviously not an OD/death and it wasn’t jail...or a psychiatric hospital either smart asses. It’s good to be mysterious sometimes and hey, maybe I’ll spill all the gruesome details next time, you never can tell, right?
Before I go any further I’m extending a sincere “sorry to have worried you” to everyone who thought I’d taken a dirt nap. I hate to worry people needlessly, I’m selfish but not that selfish. I was just caught up in something that took the better part of a few months and was basically incommunicado to just about everybody but the people in my immediate vicinity…and Anna, haha. She, along with a few others can always track me down. She’s not my best girl for nothin’.
I love the way that sounds, no one has said that since like, 1965 and it’s a bit creepy and so delicious. It’s sounds like something your weird uncle would say just before he asked you to show him your new Rainbow Brite panties, “Now you know Uncle loves his best girl…”
I like to be a little creepy now and again, it keeps people off balance and that can be important when you’re a “manipulative heroin addict.” *rolling eyes* Those are not my words if you couldn’t tell. I can manipulate with the best of ‘em but I had that notch on my belt long before drugs were involved. Back to creepy.
One of my favorite things to do when bored was to wait until there were a bunch of rookie junksters (that didn’t know more than my name and evil rep) hanging out at Nicole’s. I would climb on Casey and we’d put on a serious display of public affection. After they got an eye full, I would give them a very loaded smile, turn to my darling and whisper (LOUDLY), “I wonder what they would think if they found out we're actually half brother and sister?”
I would usually tell them the truth if they lasted more than a few weeks but some of those kids are still walking around today, visions of junky incest dancing like sugarplums through their muddled heads. Fuck it, like that’s the worst that has ever said about me? Brother fucker wouldn’t rank too high on the list, haha.
So I hear that I’ve been dead since August? Fancy that and here I thought I was just missing in action for a bit. Not for nothing but sometimes shit comes up and sometimes it’s just me being a self involved cunt and then other times it’s a nasty combination of the two. Anna is quite obviously an asshole (though I do adore her for just that reason) for re enforcing the belief that I had become a statistic. I did feel bad and miss everybody horribly, if that counts for anything, it probly doesn‘t tho.
I did not OD…EVER! Well not in recent history anyway. In general I try to avoid it as it seems a deplorable waste of product and really you can only get so fucked up before you either go into a temporary mini coma and can’t enjoy it or just plain die.
Both of these are crap options in my opinion as anyone who has ever OD’d (and lived) can confirm. It’s not so bad on the way out but waking up sans clothing in some random (COLD!!!) shower with various people slapping the bejesus out of you and ice in your nethers is kind of a buzz kill. I know, I know, this kind of moderate attitude is so not like me but in true Melody Lee fashion there are purely selfish motives at work.
I used to have a much more gluttonous view when it came to doing ridiculous amounts of dope but in recent years I find that I would rather do a teensy bit less and enjoy it a whole lot longer. That’s just me though, if you want to gather up every crumb of smack and bang it all in one go, have at it. I’ve been there and I know there’s something glorious about estimating just how much dope it takes to not quite kill you.
Sometimes being almost dead is just what you’re after.
The problem with this is that the purity fluctuates so frequently that tonight’s perfect shot could likely be tomorrows overdose and that just takes us back to the subject of misuse. Waste not, want not, at least where H is concerned.
I’m told that a “meant for better than this” attitude denotes severe Narcissism. I am also told that I am Narcissistic to a fault. So it should come as no surprise when I tell you that I should have been famous or at least infamous. Either would’ve done beautifully as long as it meant scads of attention and absolute wads of money to waste on lovely, trivial things and the drug of the moment (any given moment).
Unfortunately the main thing holding me back has been the lack of any marketable talent whatsoever. *sigh* Not one single God given skill or the motivation with which to acquire a self taught one. I am simply too lazy to bother, my ingrained sense of apathy has won out. Moving on…to something else about MEEEEE!
I really hope that when rumors of my August OD were floating about, no one dared think that it was a deliberate act on my part. I hate to think that I was chalked up as a mewling suicide because my last post had been somewhat disjointed and depressing. That is so not never, never, never gonna happen! I may off myself by accident one of these days but not on purpose.
Dead bitches can’t shoot dope (at least not from what I’ve heard) and I intend to enjoy that luxury for as long as brotherfucking possible! Maybe it’s not the best way to look at things but if you don’t like it you can keep your eyes on your own damn paper , no one would ever believe you came up with these answers anyhow. Life is one big multiple choice test or didn’t you know?
Oooh hoo! I am so profound this morning! Haha…
Sleep deprived is closer to the truth, I’ve had a negligible amount of sleep in the last month and I believe it’s catching up with me. Of course you would never know it to look at me, even this fuckered up I can still sparkle like one of those ridiculous Twilight Waaaahmpires.
Christ don’t get me started on Edward and his ultra-sensitive vagina, I could go on for days.
I had intended to regale you with some of the things that took place just prior to and during my disappearance but it would seem that I’ve already written quite enough for one post. I should go now.
Sleepy, sleepy kisses,

~Melody Lee (resurrected)