Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Sometimes it's just not worth the effort

So here I am again, none the worse for wear but feeling shitty from my latest drug escapade. The house smells like ciggs and unwanted house guests but the stench is fading and before long the memories will as well. Casey's sister finally put in an appearance and despite our previous dislike for each other, I tried my best to be.....nice. I was so nice I nearly choked on it, going out of my way to make sure that she felt welcome and at ease. I tried to make Casey's dismissal of her less painful by constantly reassuring her that it wasn't her fault. I gave her clothes and took her with me on my trips to Espanola, even going so far as to offer her an opportunity to make $$ by working as a phone whore. And for what?
So that the horrid little beast could act like a complete twat on her last day here. She got stupid drunk and attempted to turn me and Casey against each other. I won't get into it right now but it was pathetic and sad. It's not my fault that Casey is a dick and that she is less than satisfied with her husband. It's not my fault that she has opted to subjugate herself to the whims of a man she clearly finds unattractive and beneath her. And it is definitely not my fault that she decided to come here in the first place. For her to try and use me as an excuse for Casey's behaviour is just sad, I have better things to do than whisper words of discontent in his ear. He was being a dick because he didn't want her here in the first place.
I spent that last night working on the phone and shooting dope simultaneously. Reduced to grinding my teeth at having to put up with her retarded drunk ass when what I really wanted to do was knock her on it.
Casey summed it up by saying he had made a huge mistake in thinking that she had grown up.I agree but my mistake was actually putting forth the effort to befriend her, I should have saved my energy. She seems to be labouring under the misconception that I was "pretending" to be nice to her, forgetting that in my house I don't have to "pretend" to do shit! Ignorant cunt! I can do what the fuck I want in my house, my car, my life.
She fancied that she had some insight into my relationship because Casey would get drunk and piss and moan about me and my problems. I got news bitch, it's no secret that Casey is in a perpetual state of conflict when it comes to me. He loves me but love hasn't much to do with like and some of the time he doesn't like me at all. Tough shit really and since I've told him I would kick rocks any time he feels the need to be over me, it's not anyones fault but his own. I stay because I love him but let us not forget that I have plenty of places to go, I am quite capable of looking after myself.
Anyway, I'm rather cranky right now and I need to go eat some more percocet, I just got my script up'd to 150/month so I have enough to carry us through this latest kick. Maybe this time I will actually stay clean longer than 2 weeks...maybe not.