Sunday, May 25, 2008

I'm a modern kind of girl.

I have been thinking of writing my memoirs. I have had a semi-interesting life, junkie/drug dealer, junkie/phone sex operator, junkie/prostitute, junkie/... well you get the idea. I think maybe there's a theme there somewhere but I just can't put my finger on it.
Anyway, I think I will concentrate my efforts on chronicling the last two years. I think that given the amount of time I spent in and out of jail, strange cars, motel rooms and consciousness it should be a real page turner. It's not really as tragic as it sounds; I got to make so many new friends. I even explored the possibility of becoming a part-time crack head. Not as unappealing as you would think, strangely enough.
As for titles, I did have a few ideas but I think that I have to go with favorite. My manifesto will be:


A Modern Girl's Guide to Independent Living

I think it has a nice ring to it, don't you think? It will be all about me and my circle of like-minded gal pals (God, that's a nauseating term), entrepreneurs if you will. I will alter names only slightly, ensuring that anyone the least bit familiar with us will immediately be able to put face to name. The adventures of me and my posse o' hos : Whora, Kneelcole, Melicksuck and so on. I really don't think they'll mind, after all it is the truth and truth is eternal.
I will be unfailingly honest as I set the scene. Be prepared to learn how to deal with cheap tricks, undercover vice and backstabbing bitches who are just jealous cause you have all of your teeth and are under the age of 65. Learn fool-proof methods for discouraging the unwanted attentions of the local crack dealer/pimp and be able to walk away afterwards. And my personal favorite, how to collect from a reluctant john using nothing but a bloody needle and a few choice phrases like, "I may have forgotten to mention..." or "Cash or contamination motherfucker!" You get the picture.
Another highlight will be "The mystery of the missing condoms/that cunt took my shit!" detailing a normal day in our insulated little world of 'gash for cash'.
I do miss the girls so much. I hope they will be eager to read my little opus, as eager as I am to write it. Besides mom will be so proud of her little girl, the author. M.