Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Risky Business it Ain't

Shawna (original right?), had been hanging out at my new place all morning, having come by after learning I was back in town. We'd spent a long time trying on clothes and getting caught up on each others bullshit. After that we proceeded to doing hair/makeup and taking photos for no real reason other than because we could. We eventually ended up online, where after not a little wheedling, she posted various Craig's List ads promising that the 'new girls in town' would rock your shit for a mere 100/hour. Discounted to 175 if you wanted both of us. Sigh.

I wasn't really feeling the whole hooker thing right then, mainly because I had no need to. Not to mention no zero. I had plenty of money, why the fuck did I need to get mounted by randoms all night at a whopping bill per? It was more a case of her not wanting to do it alone and me feeling for her and saying "FIIIIIIIIINE!".  Yeah, I'm a good friend like that. *rolling eyes* So I agreed (grudgingly), to go along with it for the time being. Or at least until I could think of a reasonable excuse why I couldn't.

I was starting to feel mildly wretched due to an overindulgence of H that week, so at some point when I got tired of the sweat pooling between my tits, I decided to call Billy. If I was gonna do this, I needed to be as high as fucking possible, no doubt about that.

I rang and like my prince in tarred armor, Billy appeared. Not being one to withhold, I gave Shawna a fat shot of her own. This is where things would start to get kinda retarded.

"Oooh!" she slurred whilst perusing M4W,"I found one YOU'LL like! It says he's an 18 yr old virgin and will pay whatever to get fucked down?"

"SIGH. I don't think so. Young is young but a virgin? Pass." I was laying half out the sliding door on my back, blowing thick clouds of delicious tobacco smoke into the air and texting.

"You know that little boy will not be the first virgin you've defiled" she continued, "I think it's sweet, you should just do him for free. I bet he has friends that would pay..."

"Bitch please, we will not be running this as a charity! Friends? This is not 1983. Subsequently, this is also not Risky Business and I sincerely doubt that all of Tom Cruise's booger eating friends will be blowing us up to get er...blown. No means no."

"I'm gonna write him back and say we'll do him for free..."

"WE!? If youuuuuuu are feeling so magnanimous, go on ahead but I'm not going anywhere near him." I flicked my ash and re adjusted my sunglasses to signal the end of this discussion.

"Even if he's hot?" She snickered.

"He's not" I said confidently, "If he were, he could get laid on his own and oh yeah... STILL NO!"

"Liar" she smirked and turned back to the computer screen to answer more messages.

In the meantime I'd decided the best way to shut her up was to ignore her, so I went back to my phone and answered a txt I'd just gotten from K. He wanted to hang out and being bored and high, I said sure, why not?

"What about this one?" Shawna pointed at a photo of a non-descript guy in shorts and a shirt, in his early 30's wearing black socks and yellow...CROCS???

"PASS." I sputtered, sitting up and choking on smoke "HARD. FUCKING. PASS." K needed hurry the hell up and get here so I had a legitimate reason to not actually meet any of these guys. Crocs on a grown man? Not on your fucking life.