Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Not Your Average Kitty
I haven't spoken to him in a week and saying it's been hard is putting it mildly. The sheer number of txts/messages/voicemails that has been generated during this time is truly astounding. This is rather ironic because it was our prolific txting that signaled the beginning of the end. I mean, it was already on the way out but those txts shot it in the fucking head once and for all.
I had been talking to him him and dealing with Casey for a few weeks and it was getting to be touchy since Casey is basically at my side 24/7. Sigh. Anyway, I had made the decision that since things were good ok with me and C once more (no fighting etc), I was gonna try to commit to that and drop everyone else. However, I just didn't wanna do it, dammit! I like the jerk and...oh fuck it all!
At this point our txt were dumb and I replied with stupid jokes and nonsense, to make him feel less abandoned but also like it was a friend thing happening. I was attempting to keep it nice...it didn't work. He is rather invested in whatever he thinks this is, or was and won't let it go. I don't know that I want him to...
So one night, after hearing me receive texts every 4 seconds, Casey waited til I was nodded, violated my phone lock and found all that shit going back so long that I'm not even sure what he saw. What I am sure of is that he also went through all my pics (HUGE SIGH), and proceeded to send out photos of K slobbering on me from back when that whole mess happened. It was quite honestly not a move that I or anyone would've expected from Casey. I have to say it was rather brilliant, even if it did fuck my shit up on several levels.
It was clearly his version of the 'If I'm not gonna have you, I'll make sure no one else wants you either' maneuver. I'm actually sorry it didn't work. Casey blew the night he cracked my phone and had to take a few days before he could bring himself to see me again. The other's reaction was to promptly have a txt meltdown, thinking that the Kas pics were taken seconds before they'd been sent. It was a massive headache to sort out. Massive.
Finally he told me last week that he was planning on spending way too much money on a room at the Padre, I firmly told him no. It wasn't gonna show. Don't do that etc. I also told him I didn't think I was what he really wanted, that I was sure I wasn't what he needed and that I KNEW I wasn't what he deserved. He said he can't help what he feels and that he can't turn it on and off like a switch.
I was so bewildered by that last statement that I stopped txting completely and it seemed that he had finally given up on me. UNTIL...I got a flurry of messages approximately 5 minutes before I began writing this post. More stuff about not sparing enough of a thought for him to even reply etc etc. Ugh. Fuck.
What am I supposed to do with that? I'm not loving putting him through any of this but if it's gonna happen with us, it's just not gonna happen easy. Adam came to see me before he went to try and kick at the beach and after hearing what was going on he agreed that there's not much I can do. Time will tell how badly I wreck him and for how long! I can guarantee he will be much happier than he ever would've been hangin' with me. Or his money back. I am not your average kitty, take my word for it.