Monday, March 21, 2011

He Just Makes it too Easy.

Well this isn't exactly what I was gonna post but it'll hafta do as I'm not in the mood to bang out 10,000 words on what happened when Richie came to visit. Sufficed to say it was a very interesting weekend, Devo played a major role and I will go into it next time.

I'm feeling a little ampy and need to do something with myself so this was as good an idea as any. Maniac is in my garage doing God know what to Casey's beloved drum kit and Adrian just exited in a snit. I'm not concerned, he'll be back. If we've learned nothing else it's that the fucker is a) way more sensitive than is advisable in someone with testicles and b) he always comes back.
Casey left for work a few hours ago and I was amusing myself by antagonizing K1tten online. She abandoned me and I got a call from Frances...which I promptly ended as I am fed up with him at the moment. Then not 10 mins later my door begins to rattle off the damn hinges. I open it up and it's Maniac and Adrian, gakked retarded and waving what looked to be porn under my nose.
Bored stupid, I let them in and M begins to extol the virtues of said porn DVD. I was not impressed, it looked like your run of the mill Czech gangbang type thing and if you've seen one you've seen them all. My taste runs more to the ridiculous than anything else; I don’t watch smut to get off, I watch it to laugh and laugh...and laugh some more. It's absurd that anyone can get off to it really but I realize that men are far from discriminating when it comes such things. Pretty much every guy I know has had no issues maintaining wood while I point out infected razor burn, laughable 'virgin' orifices and snot bubbles that burst forth at the most inopportune moments.
It's not because it makes me uncomfortable, it's just what I do. Porn is basically the same 10 movies done over and over. I long for the days of John Holmes’ Hot & Saucy Pizza Girls and the San Francisco Night Chicken, that was entertainment. Still not very stimulating but hilarity goes a long way.
Maniac lunged at my DVD player burbling about double penetration like he'd just invented it. I glanced over at Adrian and saw that he was noticeably distressed. I forget sometimes that he doesn't know all that much about me and the kinds of things I get up to from time to time (no, not DP, pervs!). Like watching inappropriate things with Maniac, I do that without even thinking about it anymore. I'm far from threatened by him as I'm fairly sure I'm not his type, I have a vagina you see. Deny all you wish M, I know the truth.
So we sat. I was in the corner of the couch, Ade was next to me but far enough away that he wouldn't accidentally touch me and Maniac was planted Indian style on the floor in front of the TV, lest he miss something at a distance.
It began much like I expected, taking place in a gym/locker room and involving the usual aspects of a gangbang free for all. Yawn. It went by the title DP Sluts, imagine that, how creative.

Maniac: You gotta see this shit, bitch gets piped two at a time!
Me: That’s why they call it DP moron.
Maniac: In the same hole and I knew that.
Me: You also know this is hetero, right? No juicy man on man...
Maniac: BITCH you better not start with me, I’ll hafta show how a real man does it.
Me: Just like a ‘real man’ showed you? Hahaha.
Maniac: Shut the fuck up and watch the movie.
Me: If I must, it’s such a cliché, a locker room, I’m so sure.
Maniac: (looking at the visibly awkward Adrian and grinning evilly) We could make our own movie right here, the numbers are right...
Me: One problem babe, I don't have a dick and my strap-on is in the shop but if you like...
Maniac: BITCH...
He got up, came towards me trying to be all menacing and I just laughed harder. He grabbed my ankle and tried to pull me off the couch but I climbed over onto Adrian so he settled for tickling me instead. It was not fun. I was squirming all over Ade's lap giggling and screaming, trying to pull my foot the fuck away from M. He told Adrian to hold me and them started mumbling some shit about double teaming mouthy bitches. I still wasn't worried but I happened to turn towards A and saw that he was starting to look ill. Did he honestly think that geeked out cholo was serious? Another look at his face told me that yes, yes he did.
I planted my free foot in Maniac's chest and told him to stop, he was scaring Adrian, he rolled his eyes and dropped my foot.
"I'm gonna go smoke some G, leave you to hold poor baby's hand." He walked to the back room and closed the door.
So it was just me and Ade, I was still half on his lap and I smiled at him and asked, "All better now?"
He sighed, "That asshole is crazy, I never know when he's just fucking around. You don't get it cuz he lets you talk shit to him but he's not like that around most anyone else. I've seen him do..."
"Shhh" I interrupted, "I get it, I see what you're saying but let me tell you that if he EVER says anything about sex in regards to me, he's so not serious. Maniac and I will NEVER get that close...over my dead fucking body and by then I'll be way past caring if he takes a liking to my corpse."
He laughed, "That's disgusting."
"Is it? Doesn't it make you wanna slit my throat...and then fuck it?"
He started to look worried again so I quit and dragged myself off his lap. He told me he liked my hair (it's even more purple^^) and the way my lips were stained red like I’d been eating cherry slurpees all day (I had been). Then he had to go and ruin it all by reassuring me that he would NEVER do anything like what Maniac had suggested.
"Yeah, that's the problem" I sighed, "Your inside doesn't match your outside."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's not important" I told him, "Just carry on as before."
"No, I wanna know what the fuck you mean by that. Are you saying you're pissed cuz I wouldn't do that...that you wanted us to...?"
"Nope but somehow knowing that you wouldn't do it, is irritating to me. Looking at you, you look like the worst kind of motherfucker. Like you'd be capable of anything but really you're like a kitten...a tattooed, strung out, fluffy little kitty. Sweet. Cute. Fucking unbearable!"
"I don't get you man, what do you want from me? You like pricks that treat you that way, is that what you want, will that finally get you where you wanna go?"
"The question is, do you think that it will get you where YOU wanna go?"
I'll admit I was being confrontational but after the Richie thing (that I will get to later) I'd just had too much of his being so easily wounded. It's annoying, it makes me mean.
So Adrian has walked out and Maniac is still here tweeking off on some random shit. I think all the time spent back there has gotten me mildly gakked and though it's not unpleasant, I'm just not feelin' it.