Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Have a Laugh On Me...

Having just narrowly escaped a nasty confrontation with my local Jehovah's Witness representatives, I am now sitting in my bedroom with all the lights off. Damn but they are persistent little fuckers aren't they? I guess it is somewhat my fault though. Let me give you some history on the subject.
Anyone who knows me , knows that my boyfriend C. has a rich and varied past with these so called people of god. From birth he has had their shit spoon fed to him by a religious zealot. He likes to call her mom. I'm sure you can guess what I call her. Anyway after years of adolescent rebellion, prodigious drug use and not a few encounters with the law, my (obviously confused) beloved has clearly lost his fucking mind. He has come to the conclusion that now, after all those years of screwing around he needs to tend to his neglected spirituality. Not only that but he actually works himself into spasticated seizures trying to get ME to accept these (VERY questionable) beliefs. I can force myself to respect his delusions but that's about it!
I'm sorry, but if I wanted someone to dictate to me on all matters public and private, I would be living happily with my tyrant of a mother. Even she knows better than to try and tell me how to dress, who I can fuck (according to the JW's, nobody 'til I'm married) and after I am properly wed, the manner in which I am allowed to fuck : Missionary position, once during the week and twice on Saturdays. Sunday, is of course reserved for the "Hypocrite Hootenanny", um, I mean Meeting.
Anyway I'll get to the point. After a particularly intense spasticated seizure on the part on C. I, under the questionable influence of not a little bit of Tequila agreed to have "Those People" over to do a book study. If you don't know what that is, count yourself lucky, I hope you never have the misfortune of finding out.
Needless to say, now they have been jumping out from around every corner! Assaulting me with their little books, leaving notes on my door and ringing my phone off the hook. I am a virtual prisoner.
This morning's surprise visit yielded all three of the aforementioned forms of harassment. An odious little book was left behind, complete with condescending note attached. This was followed by a prolific amount of phone ringing when the door went unanswered.
When C. returns home from work, I will let him discover said book on the doorstep and feign complete ignorance,"Book study you say? I never heard the door! It must be all that noise outside. I hope they didn't stand out in that wind and rain too long."
I like to think that God has as twisted a sense of humor as I do. The storm started just minutes before the JW's arrived and is even now clearing up. Thanx G. Appreciatively, M.