Friday, March 16, 2012

Not Quite a Cult of Personality...but I'm Working on It

Hot damn! Another huge hand :)
It just stands to reason that after months of not reading comments, the ones I do read would be a ping-pong match regarding my looks/talents and/or lack thereof. Ouch. I'm wounded to the core, as you can see by my speedy reply.
Seriously, no one likes to hear, or in this case read about how unattractive they are...but then it hit me; yes I was bothered BUT I was also smiling, so uh, probably not the reaction you were hoping for.
*Luckily* I am not a super model or an actress, so my peace of mind does not fluctuate in time with the number on my bathroom scale. I am definitely not a fan of getting old but it's pretty obvious that it's inescapable, so while I will slather on any number of overpriced creams and unguents to keep wrinkles at bay, there’s not a whole lot can be done about it.
If you think pointing out what’s up with my looks is gonna throw me, good luck. I’ve been staring down this visage in the mirror for 68-odd years, believe me I know what’s wrong with this picture. My nose is too big, my eyes are the color of shit and I have a weird dimple that I would be willing to swear I never had before 2011. The only good thing about this mess is my mouth and that’s if by ‘good’ you mean ‘looks like it can suck a dick’, so I really have no illusions about all that.
It doesn’t end there, I’m also riddled with scars, frequent bruises and more tracks than a train yard and...? AND it doesn’t mean shit. I realize it’s not hard for a broad to get laid, if you have a vagina, it’s pretty safe to say that you can get someone to put something in it without too much effort. You may have to lower your standards a bit but yes, even a bitch with a cleft-palate, a bum leg and a hump can get some dick if she really wants it.
I’ve never had to take something less than what I wanted at that particular moment, work situations notwithstanding. True I’ve slept with some winners but that was out of personal stupidity, not lack of options. So if I’m too ugly to be conventionally attractive...wait, what? IT’S MY AMAZING PERSONALITY!?
That’s right, and here I thought they were just after me for my mouth...and they were, just not for the reasons you'd think. That’s what makes it so fucking perfect, I’m obnoxious as shit, but they love me anyway. I routinely say things to friends that would make lesser assholes want to curl up and cry...and they love me anyway. Spending an afternoon with me ensures that you will get running commentary on EVERYTHING (so long as I'm conscious enough to give it), and they love me anyway. I don’t give up the pussy (I DON’T) and very rarely buy the dope, we do theirs...and, that’s fucking right, THEY LOVE ME ANYWAY.
If I could see some ulterior motive on their part, better believe I’d point it out but really, what would it be? They’re using me to not get laid and because they need someone to do up all their drugs...right? I do drive on occasion but not enough to make putting up with me worthwhile and although I have been known to engage in fisticuffs for a cause not mine own, it’s not that frequent. So...?
So now I can rest easy. All this time I was living under the assumption that it was my remarkable good looks keeping everyone in thrall, thank you for offering me the means to discover otherwise. How embarrassing if all they’d been after was some tawdry sex-type action!
Mmm-mmm-mmm, I WILL sleep restfully to-night but only after I’ve anointed my crows feet with the jism of barely legal boys and gargled with their tears. I never said I didn’t have an ulterior motive...did I?

Pssssssst: I don't really gargle with their tears, silly...THAT would be icky.

*Crap. All this reminiscing about boys has made me re-think my decision to avoid Adrian. I had a rather powerful mental image of those damned Black Flag bars on his neck and how much I like to lick them. Or rather, how much I would like to, if I allowed myself...ah fuck it. I'm outta here.

Melody Lee