Thursday, July 22, 2010

ooooh he gives me head

I'm so fucked right now! Nada new there, right? Right! I'll get myself out of it one way or another, it's not really so serious, I'm just feeling a bit under the weather and letting shit bother me more than it should. Self induced sickness is a motherfucker! I'm also somewhat delirious right now, so excuse me if  I'm more incoherent than usual.
So clean, so depressing and I'm stuck on a weird incident from the past...well a few of them really but like most memories they tend to melt into one long dream and it's really difficult to decipher one day from another.
I got a voicemail from one of the people involved a few days ago and due to the nature of this particular memory, I'll just call him Alan. Of course Regina especially and miscellaneous others will know exactly who I'm going on about but for his sake, I'll leave him anonymous. Not that he would care, he was and is one of the few people I know who is as vulgar and shameless as I am. This is not always a good thing but what can you do...
So anyway, Alan had always been on the forefront when it came to inspiring shock and disgust, it was one of the things that made him so much damn fun to be around (most of time). From his "fuck the retarded" T-shirt (he always made sure to have at least one semi-retarded seizure in a public place while wearing this) to the fact that he often approached pregnant women and told them he wanted to fuck their baby..."riiiiight NOW." It's really alot funnier than it sounds, maybe you had to be there.
Around the first time we met him, he cemented his reputation by whoring himself to a repugnant, clammy handed guy named Cole...for a taco and a soda. Alan was not gay, (though it has been said now years later that he has more sugar in his tank than previously suspected) and he was not particularly hungry, he did because he could. Gotta respect that on principal, right?
So while we all went in and watched some random band play at Bam Bam's, Alan got his dick sucked by the most revolting chicken hawk of all time. I think we were all around 14 or 15 and it should have been more disturbing than it was but we took it in stride and spent the rest of the night laughing about how He'd made Cole buy a porno mag so he could hold it over his lap and look at naked bitches instead of the flat back of that pervo's head.
Years later this set a pattern for those two. As we all drifted deeper and deeper into heroin use and addiction, anytime A needed cash, he could always call Cole and come to an agreement. More often than not, I was the mode of transport to these rendezvous and it never failed to play out the same way. The ride there was spent with Alan running at the mouth about what a chump Cole was and," I don't give a fuck, that nasty queen wants to blow me and give me cash...fuck it, I don't give a fuck." My personal favorite was, "Just cuz he's sucking my dick don't make me a faggot." Ah, the eloquence of confused little boys, huh? A didn't have anything against gays, it just made him feel better to say it I guess, whatever works.
So one night I had set Sara up on this blind date with my friend Geno and she totally blew it off. I felt unbelievably bad, Gene was such a doll and he really wanted to take her. I felt so bad that I went instead, I think we saw a movie and ate dinner but we were both so loaded, who can remember.
 Casey wouldn't care, he had gotten arrested in SF and was doing a few months in San Bruno for commercial burglary and besides, he trusted Geno completely.
 Gene was one of my surrogate boyfriends at the time, coming over and helping me deal with shit because even though Frog was there, he wasn't exactly threatening and with Casey gone it was too tempting to come in and try to relieve me of an ounce or so of that sticky black tar.
So we had gotten back to Christen's to find Alan waiting and sick ( Frog had sold the last bag) and I guess he had called up Cole to try and make some cash before I got back. The connect was gonna take an hour and we offered to drive A to go meet his sugar Daddy. Frog acted appropriately horrified but we all know the truth behind that little act, don't we?
Anyway, we drove him there and waited for it to be over and on the way home we listened to Jet boy Jet girl and watched A transform from a swaggering buttface to a sniveling little boy and back again. All the bravado in the world can't make that situation palatable and it was taking it's toll. He always managed to rally though, calling on that thing that all us addicts rely on so much...selective memory. That and cracking jokes at his own expense so we could all laugh instead of dwell on how truly wretched the experience had been.
So I got that voicemail and instantly started listening to that song, almost without realizing what I was doing. Isn't if funny how an auditory memory can take you right back to a certain time and place? For me it was riding in Geno's Cadillac and listening to Captain Sensible sing that song while Alan alternately wiped tears and talked shit. Sweet Memory lane.
If you've never heard it, it's lovely, one of the few songs that made me wish I was a scrappy gay boy rather than my womanly self. I don't really care for the original, the CS version is what it's all about.
All over the place aren't I? What do you expect, I'm typing this while drowning in a flood of snot and tears and yawning like I have a damn heart condition!
That's it, I'm done. I have things to do and well, I'm antsy just sitting here, soooo...til next time,
PS. That is a drawing off lizbaillie on livejournal, just to give credit n all, though why I'm caring is beyond me.
PPS. Regina and Anna please try and restrain yourselves from commenting on his real name, I know y'all want to!